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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was totally inappropriate parenting?

490 replies

eggstremereaction · 03/04/2022 15:55

Couldn't resist the username opportunity whilst name changing but genuinely upset about what happened

2 year old had a kinder egg as a treat, had spent hours going on about it, was very excited, literally shaking and stamping his feet when the lady in the shop passed it to him at the tills (yes over reaction but he is little) anyway I don't let him open until we get gone and he's very good doesn't try and open it the car, keeps saying "I excited" and giggling, was very cute and dh and me were both laughing finding it cute

Got home, I went and got a bowl to put it in, gave it to toddler, he was happy and took it into the lounge and broke it up in the bowl. Came running in with the toy asking me to open it which I did but doing so left dog unattended around egg which he'd left on the sofa so he went running back in to eat it and it was gone and he was hysterical, so upset. I thought it was fair enough, he's two! He was excited. Yes it's only a chocolate egg but he's tiny and isn't going to react like an adult would. Dh said it was ridiculous, huge overeaction, started saying his excitement in the first place was too intense for chocolate, unhealthy reaction blah blah blah. I went to go back in the car and get him another one, shops only 5 mins and it was like 60p it doesn't matter and it'll make him happy and dh said if I dare go get him an egg I am completely undermining his parenting. So toddler just kept crying. He was saying he was sad and wanted an egg, in the end I said to dh I'm just going to get one and I jumped in the car.

Got back and could hear screaming from the driveway. Toddler was in his room (behind closed stair gate) dh saying you can come out when you stop crying. Pathetic it's an egg. I went and got toddler and took him downstairs and gave him his egg and said it is completely ok to be upset, he's not in any trouble and to just be very careful to not leave food around the dog so this doesn't happen again as I won't always be able to go get a replacement. Dh really annoyed that I undermined him and said I'm too soft and he's going to be a spoilt entitled boy. He just wanted a bloody kinder egg.

Was I unreasonable or was this really inappropriate on his part?

OP posts:
ProudMary79 · 03/04/2022 16:28

Your husband is weird and sounds quite horrible, I could never be married to someone who spoke to me like that, hope your little one gets a hundred kinder eggs for Easter and you can throw all the yellow toy holders at weirdo husband's head if he has another tantrum 😁

CambsAlways · 03/04/2022 16:28

I’d be cross if my dog ate my choc! Seriously poor little lad of course he was upset that kinder egg meant the world to him, your husband is a arse!

LizzieSiddal · 03/04/2022 16:28

Gosh your H sounds horrible, who puts a two year old in their room and tells them they can’t come out until they stop crying??

All this over a bit of chocolate, gosh knows what he will be like when your sun is older. Did your H have very strict parents when he was a child? You may need to have some serious conversations with him about his expectations.

Weekendtobegin · 03/04/2022 16:29

*the child is 2 years old ffs

putting him in a room until he stops crying - what type of man child have you had a baby with?*

It is frightening how mean some people can be to tiny helpless children isn't it? In the name of 'parenting' and teaching them a lesson. It's warped.

SevenWaystoLeave · 03/04/2022 16:31

Your DH is being a dick but you shouldn't have left toddler with chocolate and dog unattended together, it's obviously a recipe for disaster.

LolaStrange · 03/04/2022 16:31

@WTF475878237NC

He's definitely being unreasonable.

Separately, it sounds like your son has had early exposure to chocolate to get that excited about it already when it's not recommended under two.

Was your son wearing a hazmat suit, OP?
Concestor · 03/04/2022 16:32

Your husband behaviour was emotionally abusive. Your poor son. If my DH did something like that I would be having very strong words.

My son is 7 and yesterday accidentally destroyed a laptop by knocking something heavy into it. I just said it was ok and comforted him as he was really upset about having done it.

Punishing children for having feelings damages them psychologically long term. Your husband needs to learn better ways to parent.

Hugasauras · 03/04/2022 16:35

Poor kid. We've had a few incidents of snacks being left and the dog eating them. I wouldn't have gone to buy a new one cos I'm a lazy sod but I would have given a cuddle and explained about not leaving food around, which is what I've done previously. DD is a lot better at it now, although we still have the occasional abandoned snack that disappears! DD used to get very upset about it too, and neither me nor DH would have been so harsh with her. It's upsetting! I'd be upset and I'm not 2!

Derbee · 03/04/2022 16:35

Your husband is a dick.

I’m very impressed with a 2 year old managing to hold his egg the whole way home and not open it. Sweet boy!

hellywelly3 · 03/04/2022 16:35

Your “D”H is overreacting not the 2 year old. What a horrible man. He’s being a bully

MrsWinters · 03/04/2022 16:36

Whilst I don’t think you did wrong I would be teaching my kid not to leave chocolate unattended around the dog. Whilst that amount probably won’t harm them, even as a toddler they can under chocolate is bad for dogs.
My dogs also won’t touch any food until given the break command- which is probably worth trying to teach because you don’t want them to start taking food off your toddler.

SnowingInApril · 03/04/2022 16:36

What did he actually do to the child when you were out of the house?

Bewilderbeest · 03/04/2022 16:37

This was really quite upsetting to read. You’ve married a sadist. If this wasn’t a wildly uncharacteristic one-off lapse, I’d be considering leaving.

passportpanics · 03/04/2022 16:39

Your DH is massively unreasonable, expecting a 2 year old to act like an adult. He would in all seriousness benefit from a parenting course where he can learn about child development and reasonable expectations. I really mean it.

WonderfulYou · 03/04/2022 16:39

You both are BU.

Dogs, toddlers and food are not a good mix - he ran into you to open it meaning there was no one supervising him whilst eating it and no matter how friendly your dog is that is not a good mix.

I also think it’s ridiculous that you went to get into the car to drive and get him another kinder egg!!

He needs to learn that you can’t just get in the car and drive to the shop just to buy one small thing like that - if you carry on like that he is going to turn out very spoilt and you’ll end up making a rod for your own back.

He still had the toy and you could have said we’ll get you another one next time we go or even had a nice stroll there later on.
But jumping in the car straight away is very OTT.

Your DHs reaction was by far the worst!
I too would be upset if my dog ate something I was looking forward to so much.

I completely understand his reaction to you wanting to buy him another and his parenting is probably a reflection of your parenting - he knows what your son will turn out like if there is no discipline so he needs to be the one to do that if you’re not going to.
But he is still very young and there’s a way to discipline without being cruel.

You both could do with some reflection on your parenting and try and get on the same page else you’re going to have these problems for the next 18+ years.

Hugasauras · 03/04/2022 16:39

Did he actually say 'pathetic' about an upset 2yo? Sad

Discountclaimed · 03/04/2022 16:40

Calm parenting leads to calm children. Thinking about how to solve the problem instead of who to blame solves the problem. Having grown up in a shouty, stressed household I really value staying calm and positive. You son will remember his treat being spoiled and the injustice of it.

Your DH needs to calm down.

SarahAndQuack · 03/04/2022 16:42

YY, agreeing with everyone.

A small child who is that excited about a kinder egg, and doesn't touch it all the way home, is clearly seeing it as a big exciting treat - and that's lovely! A really healthy way to see chocolate in my view: not as something routine but as something you don't get that often.

Mulhollandmagoo · 03/04/2022 16:43

@SnackSizeRaisin

However I wouldn't have bought a new egg as it was sadly gone.

Imagine you were out in a pub having a drink with a friend (which you very rarely do and were really looking forward to) and accidentally knocked over your drink before you had drunk any. Would you have said "I won't have another drink as sadly it's gone" or would you cut yourself some slack and buy another drink?

Exactly this!!!!

Your poor little boy, his upset was natural, he was excited about his chocolate and the dog ate it....of probably cry if it was me to be fair 🤣 shutting him in his bedroom is awful, you need to help your children manage and understand their feelings, not punish them for having them.

HeyGirlHeyBoy · 03/04/2022 16:43

Those saying don't replace... This wasn't a child whonis regularly having chocolate... I think you were right to replace. Let's imagine any of us looking forward to a Friday night takeaway, set it up in living room and come in to find dog in it... I certainly would replace!! I wouldn't think nevermind!

BessieFinknottle · 03/04/2022 16:44

Maybe your husband should read some parenting books OP. I find Dan Siegel good.

"It's not about permissive parenting. It's about using "yes" to find ways to relate, which encourages kids to explore and be resilient, instead of starting at "no," which shuts them down."

MysteriesOfTheOrganism · 03/04/2022 16:44

Vile behaviour by DH.

FairyLightPups · 03/04/2022 16:46

Your DH is an arse. Also please get your dog checked out, even the smallest piece of chocolate can be incredibly dangerous.

dworky · 03/04/2022 16:46

DH is more than just a dick, he's lacking basic sympathy for a tiny child. That would give me pause for thought.

He's going to be a nightmare as his child gets older.

IcakethereforeIam · 03/04/2022 16:47

The behaviour from your child and his dad seems very similar. But the child is two.