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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was totally inappropriate parenting?

490 replies

eggstremereaction · 03/04/2022 15:55

Couldn't resist the username opportunity whilst name changing but genuinely upset about what happened

2 year old had a kinder egg as a treat, had spent hours going on about it, was very excited, literally shaking and stamping his feet when the lady in the shop passed it to him at the tills (yes over reaction but he is little) anyway I don't let him open until we get gone and he's very good doesn't try and open it the car, keeps saying "I excited" and giggling, was very cute and dh and me were both laughing finding it cute

Got home, I went and got a bowl to put it in, gave it to toddler, he was happy and took it into the lounge and broke it up in the bowl. Came running in with the toy asking me to open it which I did but doing so left dog unattended around egg which he'd left on the sofa so he went running back in to eat it and it was gone and he was hysterical, so upset. I thought it was fair enough, he's two! He was excited. Yes it's only a chocolate egg but he's tiny and isn't going to react like an adult would. Dh said it was ridiculous, huge overeaction, started saying his excitement in the first place was too intense for chocolate, unhealthy reaction blah blah blah. I went to go back in the car and get him another one, shops only 5 mins and it was like 60p it doesn't matter and it'll make him happy and dh said if I dare go get him an egg I am completely undermining his parenting. So toddler just kept crying. He was saying he was sad and wanted an egg, in the end I said to dh I'm just going to get one and I jumped in the car.

Got back and could hear screaming from the driveway. Toddler was in his room (behind closed stair gate) dh saying you can come out when you stop crying. Pathetic it's an egg. I went and got toddler and took him downstairs and gave him his egg and said it is completely ok to be upset, he's not in any trouble and to just be very careful to not leave food around the dog so this doesn't happen again as I won't always be able to go get a replacement. Dh really annoyed that I undermined him and said I'm too soft and he's going to be a spoilt entitled boy. He just wanted a bloody kinder egg.

Was I unreasonable or was this really inappropriate on his part?

OP posts:
JesusInTheCabbageVan · 03/04/2022 19:31

Kinder Eggs are milk chocolate! As I said, unless the dog weighed less than 1.5lb it'll be fine.

OliveLover01 · 03/04/2022 19:32

But the shutting him in the bedroom is so unfair. And shows your DH took this way too far. Maybe talk to him about it when he is calmed down and get on the same page about parenting and how you felt with different approaches like this in the future. Parenting disagreements happen all the time but it’s how you deal with them that matters. I hate mumsnet for the snap judgements about mistakes. ‘Dump him/leave him/he’s abusive’. Christ! It’s like no one is ever allowed to make a mistake! No one learns how to be an amazing parent before being a parent. Use this as a learning/teaching opportunity for your husband and you.

Faevern · 03/04/2022 19:36

@OliveLover01 she did not undermine him she disagreed with him, he punished the child for her misdemeanour, disgraceful behaviour, the child is 2.

Babyroobs · 03/04/2022 19:45

@Chouetted

I'm more concerned about your dog!
me too !
jacks11 · 03/04/2022 19:45

I would not have driven to buy another egg. I think you would have been better to try and settle him, not run out and replace the egg. It would have helped him to learn that things not going to plan aren’t a disaster. He is little and was excited, but he could probably have been comforted and calmed down.

I think your DH over-reacted.

Babyroobs · 03/04/2022 19:46

Of course he should have the egg replaced. A two year old wouldn't think not to leave the egg unattended.

tuscanleather · 03/04/2022 19:48

Your husband is awful. Really nasty.

DigsDilemma · 03/04/2022 19:50

@mydogisthebest do shut up. The whole thing has been covered extensively in this thread, down to exact toxicity levels. The dog is, and will be, fine, and you're missing the point. On mumsnet every dog who gets a sniff of chocolate dies, but in my real life every dog I know (especially the ones which live with kids) has snaffled a quality street or whatever at some point, and they've all been fine.

DonnyBurrito · 03/04/2022 19:51

You did the right thing. What a nasty, old fashioned way to treat a child... I'd be keeping him very close to me the next time he gets so upset, if I was you.

namethattunein1 · 03/04/2022 19:52

[quote RidingMyBike]I think you need to ring the vet?

www.pdsa.org.uk/what-we-do/blog/vet-qa-what-should-i-do-if-my-dog-eats-chocolate-this-easter[/quote]
Worst thing you can do for a kinder egg! charge a fortune for something that will do nothing to the animal. A tray of them, OK, or a bit chunky bar of chocolate, not a bloody Kinder!! They're see through there so thin!

Thisisit2022 · 03/04/2022 19:52

Just as an aside I would NEVER give chocolate to a dog now but when I was a child we fed lots of our chocolate to our little dog as a treat as we didn't know any better. He did live to be a ripe old age.

Babyroobs · 03/04/2022 19:53

@tuscanleather

Your husband is awful. Really nasty.
Agreed. There are a number of things that are concerning. Your little boy is 2 and hugely excited about something that was then snatched away from him through no fault of his own because he is 2 and cannot possibly have had the foresight to think hang on a minute if I leave this egg unsupervised the dog might eat it ! Your dh was hugely unreasonable to think that the egg shouldn't have been replaced, even worse to punish him for his upset and also getting uppity that you have undermined him like only his way of handling things is correct. I would have done exactly the same as you op and my dh which have been completely on board with that. Your dh needs to learn what battles to pick and not be a bully. I'm guessing this is your first child?
Babyroobs · 03/04/2022 19:55

@Thisisit2022

Just as an aside I would NEVER give chocolate to a dog now but when I was a child we fed lots of our chocolate to our little dog as a treat as we didn't know any better. He did live to be a ripe old age.
Yes over the years or dog has unfortunately got hold of a few easter eggs when the kids have left them in their rooms unattended. She has never been ill. I think dark chocolate with a high cocoa content is the most dangerous, we are meticulous about keeping that where the dogs could never reach.
surreymum89 · 03/04/2022 19:56

Yes I would have replaced the egg too as at 2 years old it was you and your DH responsibility to make sure the dog didn't get to the egg as your child was too young to think of those consequences and like you said you didn't mind going and getting him another one and he was very patient and excited when he first received it , it seems like your husband is irritated by your child and expects him to act in control of his emotions at all time which is crazy, he must have form for acting like this with you/your son ?

OliveLover01 · 03/04/2022 19:56

@Faevern I think him saying ‘don’t go and get another egg’ and her going to get him another egg is undermining his parenting. Ok she disagreed (and so do I) but it wasn’t imperative to go get him another egg…. It was her choice.
I don’t think he was reasonable at all (it was an OTT reaction to something really insignificant) about the whole thing but he took a line (right or wrong) and she went totally against this. As I said in my next post, this is the opportunity to work out how they deal with these things and bring their parenting approaches into line. My husband and I disagree and I used to undermine him and him me… we have learned over the years how to deal with these disagreements so they don’t get out of hand and also how to intervene without making it seem like we are undermining the other.
Also lots of men (I find) really can’t handle these kinds of irrational tantrums… they just think children should be more rational, despite it being impossible for them. I think this is one of those cases. And a great opportunity for the OP’s DH to learn this. Surely most couples go through this learning curve and the occasional OTT reaction to early childhood tantrums. Most everyone I know has. They just don’t post it on mumsnet to get the random indignation of strangers to confirm that their husband has overreacted and then collectively damn him as an abusive parent for one mistake.

AliceW89 · 03/04/2022 19:57

Your DH seems to have wildly unrealistic expectations of the frontal lobe of a 2 year old. He sounds most unpleasant from this exchange to be honest.

AfraidToRun · 03/04/2022 19:59

I'm nearing middle age and absolutely would cry if a dog stole my kinder egg.

Dipsydoodlenoodle · 03/04/2022 20:02

I want to buy him a kinder egg!

Girlonit · 03/04/2022 20:06

I feel like my opinion is quite different to others because yes I’d expect a toddler to be upset at his chocolate being eaten but not actually hysterical and I’d expect to be able to comfort them quickly. My Ds had similar with a ice cream at the same age and he was upset and of course I comforted him but a minute later he was laughing and checking to see if the birds had come to eat it (he’d dropped it in the garden).
What if it was something you couldn’t replace, how long do you think he’d have been hysterical for?

I think your DH was very unreasonable to have put him in his room like that though and I’d want a serious conversation regarding appropriate discipline with him.

DysmalRadius · 03/04/2022 20:07

But if someone bought you a Starbucks and you took it home then knocked it over half an hour later, would you go back out and buy another?

I would if the person who had bought me Starbucks had told me not to drink it straight away and save it till I got home!!

makinganavalon · 03/04/2022 20:07

Been thinking about this all evening (prob too much to be honest) and I'm wondering if how your DH treated your child is probably just how he was treated as a child and whether he might need some help with that?
I have some serious issues and triggers since being a mum and it's made me really really look into my own childhood. Looking back and finding out why I react in certain ways and trying to break that cycle has really helped me, especially the book 'the book you wish your parents had read'. Even though it's hard for me, me and my husband listen to a chapter every few weeks or so and talk about what in went through as a child and where to go from here.
I'm not sure whether your husband would go for doing this, but it has really helped me be a much more understanding parent and actually able to hold boundaries much better and calmly (because I don't get so frustrated I just give in) and helps us be on the same parenting page.
Anyway Flowers and I hope you DS ok now xx

tkwal · 03/04/2022 20:11

My reaction depends on whether your child is just two or two about to be three.
At the younger end the excitement about getting the egg and then the disappointment about it disappearing is understandable so I probably would have done as you did. At the older end I would have done as your husband did. At almost three children should be starting to manage their emotions and while I would have expected a few tears I wouldn't have expected the hysterics you described. That probably wasn't helped though, by the tension between you and your husband. You need to sit down and agree a strategy for any future incidents. The mixed messages your child was getting from the two of you would have been confusing .
For those of you worried about the dog, there isn't enough of the harmful component in a kinder egg to do any harm, its mostly white chocolate and if you have ever walked a dog near a dropped icecream, packet of sweets or other discarded treats one sniff and they think they have found the nectar of the gods(especially labs for some reason)

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 03/04/2022 20:11

@Girlonit

I feel like my opinion is quite different to others because yes I’d expect a toddler to be upset at his chocolate being eaten but not actually hysterical and I’d expect to be able to comfort them quickly. My Ds had similar with a ice cream at the same age and he was upset and of course I comforted him but a minute later he was laughing and checking to see if the birds had come to eat it (he’d dropped it in the garden). What if it was something you couldn’t replace, how long do you think he’d have been hysterical for?

I think your DH was very unreasonable to have put him in his room like that though and I’d want a serious conversation regarding appropriate discipline with him.

I wouldn't worry, it really is completely normal behaviour for a child that age.
Cherms · 03/04/2022 20:13

To that toddler it is the end of the world and I get that. If a dog ate my creme egg I'd be livid! (I don't like Kinder chocolate). Your DH has zero empathy from an excited toddler's point of view. And that punishment is only going to make the toddler hysterical.

Blossomtoes · 03/04/2022 20:15

This is so depressing. My mum dropped an ice cream once and I bought her another one - she was in her 80s. You’d have to be a special kind of heartless not to replace it.

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