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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was totally inappropriate parenting?

490 replies

eggstremereaction · 03/04/2022 15:55

Couldn't resist the username opportunity whilst name changing but genuinely upset about what happened

2 year old had a kinder egg as a treat, had spent hours going on about it, was very excited, literally shaking and stamping his feet when the lady in the shop passed it to him at the tills (yes over reaction but he is little) anyway I don't let him open until we get gone and he's very good doesn't try and open it the car, keeps saying "I excited" and giggling, was very cute and dh and me were both laughing finding it cute

Got home, I went and got a bowl to put it in, gave it to toddler, he was happy and took it into the lounge and broke it up in the bowl. Came running in with the toy asking me to open it which I did but doing so left dog unattended around egg which he'd left on the sofa so he went running back in to eat it and it was gone and he was hysterical, so upset. I thought it was fair enough, he's two! He was excited. Yes it's only a chocolate egg but he's tiny and isn't going to react like an adult would. Dh said it was ridiculous, huge overeaction, started saying his excitement in the first place was too intense for chocolate, unhealthy reaction blah blah blah. I went to go back in the car and get him another one, shops only 5 mins and it was like 60p it doesn't matter and it'll make him happy and dh said if I dare go get him an egg I am completely undermining his parenting. So toddler just kept crying. He was saying he was sad and wanted an egg, in the end I said to dh I'm just going to get one and I jumped in the car.

Got back and could hear screaming from the driveway. Toddler was in his room (behind closed stair gate) dh saying you can come out when you stop crying. Pathetic it's an egg. I went and got toddler and took him downstairs and gave him his egg and said it is completely ok to be upset, he's not in any trouble and to just be very careful to not leave food around the dog so this doesn't happen again as I won't always be able to go get a replacement. Dh really annoyed that I undermined him and said I'm too soft and he's going to be a spoilt entitled boy. He just wanted a bloody kinder egg.

Was I unreasonable or was this really inappropriate on his part?

OP posts:
VeganGod · 03/04/2022 18:37

Don’t care about the dog, can’t believe how much of the thread is about the bloody dog when the husband is this awful to a TWO YEAR OLD.

It possible to care about children and animals. Imagine that.

Darbs76 · 03/04/2022 18:37

The dog will be fine, unless it’s a tiny thing as you need a fair amount to cause toxicity. Your DH is an idiot

Polyputthekettleon · 03/04/2022 18:38

www.food.gov.uk/news-alerts/alert/fsa-prin-22-2022

gettingolderandgrumpy · 03/04/2022 18:38

@VeganGod

Don’t care about the dog, can’t believe how much of the thread is about the bloody dog when the husband is this awful to a TWO YEAR OLD.

It possible to care about children and animals. Imagine that.

Yes but the dog is absolutely bloody fine , the poor child isn’t though . At least he’s young enough to forget this incident.
natureshere · 03/04/2022 18:39

Your DH is a real dick. He needs to read up on some child development. He needs to learn empathy. Good parenting is about attunement.
You will have a long hard battle ahead of you OP if your DH doesn't wise up.
Good luck.

MrsMiddleMother · 03/04/2022 18:39

Poor little baby! To be so upset and be punished instead or comforted. Your 'd'h sounds like an arsehole and I couldn't look at him the same

Herejustforthisone · 03/04/2022 18:40

Dog flappers, stop. It’s the theobromine in chocolate that’s harmful. It’s linked to cocoa solids. There is next to fuck all in Kinder chocolate, and next to fuck all chocolate that forms a Kinder egg anyway. Fear not. It’s not the issue here.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 03/04/2022 18:40

Yeah I'd have gone and got another one as well, your dh was being a dick

They dog will be fine

FatCatThinCat · 03/04/2022 18:41

Your husband thinks you were undermining him? Too bloody right! He was being cruel to a baby, he needed to be undermined.

LightSpeeds · 03/04/2022 18:41

Reading back over your initial message, your DS has shown a lot of maturity and patience in waiting for his egg. Shame your DH hasn't been so mature...

IWasFunBeforeMum · 03/04/2022 18:42

You did undermine him. Cos he was being a heartless knob.

My OH can be like this - I constantly have to remind him about empathy (his family are like robots) and sympathy. It's really annoying. When one of my kids falls and gets upset "oh you're ok, it's not that bad" blah blah, drives me insane. Zero heart the lot of them.

I'm glad you did exactly what you wanted to and I hope your son enjoyed every bite!

marylou25 · 03/04/2022 18:43

Something similar happened to me as a small child, reverse though as it my mother that was mean to me, I'm 63 now and I remember it clearly still!

andysgirl22 · 03/04/2022 18:43

Aww your boy sounds lovely . I think him being so excited shows he is greatful and appreciates it and doesn't expect it or he wouldn't be so excited if that makes sense. Hope you are okay op upsetting incident all round for you , your boys only a baby only two i think it is impressive he didn't just open his egg in thr car tbh x

KosherDill · 03/04/2022 18:43

Husband is horrible.

He's expecting too much from a child of two.

This just enrages me.

winterchills · 03/04/2022 18:43

Your husband sounds like a dick. Poor little thing! At least he learnt one lesson! Not to leave food unattended near the dog 🐶. I'm surprised he was bothered about the chocolate tho as usually mine just wanted the toy lol

THisbackwithavengeance · 03/04/2022 18:45

@SnackSizeRaisin

However I wouldn't have bought a new egg as it was sadly gone.

Imagine you were out in a pub having a drink with a friend (which you very rarely do and were really looking forward to) and accidentally knocked over your drink before you had drunk any. Would you have said "I won't have another drink as sadly it's gone" or would you cut yourself some slack and buy another drink?

I know right? You and your DH really bigged the whole thing up as a Big Treat, revving your DS up in the car on the way home, really gearing up the anticipation. And then the bloody dog eats the egg! Your poor DS. And then the whole thing is made doubly worse by your DH being a mean, miserable twat and punishing your little boy for understandably being upset.
PatientlyWaiting21 · 03/04/2022 18:47

Your two year old behaved better than your husband. Your husband should know better, your husband is the adult who should be able to process emotions, your two year cannot. I’d be livid if my husband treated our child this way! What a way to ruin a good day.

Nanny0gg · 03/04/2022 18:50

@WonderfulYou

You both are BU.

Dogs, toddlers and food are not a good mix - he ran into you to open it meaning there was no one supervising him whilst eating it and no matter how friendly your dog is that is not a good mix.

I also think it’s ridiculous that you went to get into the car to drive and get him another kinder egg!!

He needs to learn that you can’t just get in the car and drive to the shop just to buy one small thing like that - if you carry on like that he is going to turn out very spoilt and you’ll end up making a rod for your own back.

He still had the toy and you could have said we’ll get you another one next time we go or even had a nice stroll there later on.
But jumping in the car straight away is very OTT.

Your DHs reaction was by far the worst!
I too would be upset if my dog ate something I was looking forward to so much.

I completely understand his reaction to you wanting to buy him another and his parenting is probably a reflection of your parenting - he knows what your son will turn out like if there is no discipline so he needs to be the one to do that if you’re not going to.
But he is still very young and there’s a way to discipline without being cruel.

You both could do with some reflection on your parenting and try and get on the same page else you’re going to have these problems for the next 18+ years.

He's 2, not 12!!!
Thinking2041 · 03/04/2022 18:51

It isn’t a 2 year olds fault that the dog ate their chocolate - as if it’s fair to put the burden of policing a dog on a two year old.
He wasn’t teasing the dog with it and been warned multiple times.
I bought my son an ice cream today and he just dropped it 2 mins after I gave it to him. It was annoying as it cost £3.75! But it wasn’t his fault. If he had been mucking around and I had warned him then I might not have replaced it but given it wasn’t his fault it didn’t occur to me to not offer him a new one: What would the lesson be if I deprived him?! ‘Don’t be a child’?

Your DH sounds resentful and out of touch with child development. I wouldn’t want a man like that nurturing my child

Dinoasaurme · 03/04/2022 18:53

This is extremely concerning to me. I'd be worried your son is going to end up on the Stately Homes thread or in years of therapy, unless your husband learns how toddlers and young children work. You sound like a great mum. Is this the first time he's reacted like this? I'd be having a very very serious conversation with him tonight where you point out he has bullied his own child. He needs to educate himself. Was he raised by a bully?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 03/04/2022 18:53

Toddler was in his room (behind closed stair gate) dh saying you can come out when you stop crying. Pathetic it's an egg.

He called a toddler pathetic for crying about missing out on something they were really excited about.

He's a prick. And a bully.

And seems to be operating under the assumption that he is the parent with the deciding vote.

This can't be a one off, he's not a very nice bloke.

CurlyPurpleHair · 03/04/2022 18:57

I'm so happy you went back and got him one!! Btw your husband is a prick.

phoneybaloney · 03/04/2022 18:58

Poor kid. Your husband sounds horrid. Putting in his room because he was upset like that. What a twat!!

DarkShade · 03/04/2022 19:00

That's horrible OP, your poor little boy. Of course he was excited about his egg, and devastated when it got eaten. It's awful of your husband to try and bully DS and make him feel worse. DS needed comfort, validation and reassurance. It wasn't DS's fault he lost his egg, it's not like he threw it in the bin and then had a tantrum about it being gone, so there was no lesson to be learned.

On a broader and more worrying note, I'd think carefully about how you want your DS to handle his emotions as he gets older. Being told that being upset and crying when something you were excited for gets ruined is a damaging lesson to grow up with. You want to teach him that his emotions are valid, along with some age appropriate ways of expressing and dealing with them.

RedBeetroot12 · 03/04/2022 19:01

Aw I feel sorry for your poor boy and also you both as parents as it’s a stressful situation to be in all round. The meltdown your son had over the egg being gobbled up by your dog was understandable and the typical reaction from a 2 year old. They can’t understand the situation properly, don’t know other means to express their disappointment and don’t have the means to replace the egg. Christ I’d be having a mini-meltdown myself if someone else ate something I was intensely looking forward to eating! I imagine your DH saw that you were pandering to your toddler and that it’s setting precedence for future tantrums as a means to getting what he wants… but he should have tried to understand that in this situation your toddler wasn’t having a tantrum but had genuine grounds for his upset.
The level the crying gets to can be super stressful and on top of it all, you were both bickering and heightening the stress levels. Your DH should be more considerate not to add to the stressful situation and in reality it’s not the end of the world. I feel that your DH took it out on your son a little by putting him in his room whilst he cried about the egg. A better situation would have been for your DH to pop out and get another egg whilst you stayed with your toddler or a distraction for your son would have been another exciting adventure in the car to get another egg. Just be kind to each other, you both have different parenting styles and need to work to each other’s strengths. I bet your DH is more often than not the hard cop and may resent how soft you are but you need to be united as much as possible for smoother parenting in the future. When these things happen, just remember it will be a story to tell your son in the future and create a little humour in the retelling. We don’t get any training as parents, all learning on the job as we go along, hope you can both have a decent chat about things when everything’s cooled down a little… why not play a little prank on your DH and buy some nice dessert he will be looking forward to, leave it out and pretend your dog ate it and see how he reacts 🤣🤣🤣