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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bf refusing to call me because of blue fucking ticks?

119 replies

BlueFkingTicks · 02/04/2022 22:37

My Bf is working abroad. There is a time difference, and we're both busy which makes finding a time to chat difficult.

Today, he messaged telling me the times he would be free. I messaged throughout the day, and at his first free time - I asked if he was free to chat. He wasn't - which was fine, and I told him I'd try again later.

I tried again during his second free slot - again he was busy, but that was fine.

I tried again later on - telling him I was out with friends, but I was happy to step out and give him a call if he was free. He said not to worry about it as we would chat later.

I got home - messaged to tell him I was home and free to chat. He replied 'Ok - Gimme 5'.

I was busy around the house - saw his Gimme 5 message and thought that's fine, he'll call when he's free.

20 minutes later he messaged saying 'I'm guessing you're busy, let's leave it for tonight'. I replied 'Eh? I'm free I told you I was"!

He refused my calls, and eventually when he accepted my call, he told me that because I hadn't opened his message and blue ticked it, or responded to it - he assumed I didn't want to talk to him.

I think that's bonkers, and I'm afraid I got a bit upset and told him so.

AIBU to assume that a message saying 'Gimme 5' doesn't need a response, and failing to respond to it doesn't warrant someone deciding not to bother calling and that I'm not interested in talking?

OP posts:
DysmalRadius · 02/04/2022 22:54

It's very petty of him to be checking on the status of a message instead of just calling when he's free! Why wouldn't he just want to talk to you when he had the time instead of all this game-playing?

Gardengate45 · 02/04/2022 22:56

Doesn’t sound like he actually wants to make the effort to talk to you.

Gardengate45 · 02/04/2022 22:57

Doesn’t*

AppleKatie · 02/04/2022 22:58

Yanbu and I’m exhausted just thinking about that nonsense.

RedWingBoots · 02/04/2022 22:58

Why doesn't he call you on a messaging app e.g. WhatsApp, Signal when he's free?

Doesn't cost him anything if he's connected to wifi.

EmmaH2022 · 02/04/2022 23:04

@AppleKatie

Yanbu and I’m exhausted just thinking about that nonsense.
This.
DownToTheSeaAgain · 02/04/2022 23:05

You do know that you can turn the ticks off - that will really annoy him.

lemongreentea · 02/04/2022 23:05

@AppleKatie

Yanbu and I’m exhausted just thinking about that nonsense.
This.
Lindy2 · 02/04/2022 23:05

I don't think he particularly wants to talk. You messaged him 4 times trying to talk. There wasn't nearly as much effort from him.

ididntevennotice · 02/04/2022 23:06

He isn't interested in speaking to you. He is trying to lay blame on you rather than tell you.

MaryAndHerNet · 02/04/2022 23:07

Urgh. No.

Chucking a guilt trip on you after you went to effort. Why couldn't he call for 5 minutes before hanging with friends? Whilst hanging with friends? Whilst having a coffee break? etc etc.

Ultimately:
If someone wants to speak to you, they will.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 02/04/2022 23:07

@AppleKatie

Yanbu and I’m exhausted just thinking about that nonsense.
Yup
Carrotten · 02/04/2022 23:08

Honestly this just sounds so dramatic. Calling each other should really not require this much organising

Amybelle88 · 02/04/2022 23:09

What a drama queen - absolute petulance at its finest

RedRobin100 · 02/04/2022 23:10

@Gardengate45

Doesn’t sound like he actually wants to make the effort to talk to you.
Agree
pastypirate · 02/04/2022 23:10

Turn the ticks off. But bin him first

nicesausages · 02/04/2022 23:15

You're putting far too much effort into this and giving him all the power in the situation. Calm down, back off, reduce contact ... and see what happens.

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/04/2022 00:00

You’re being nice and open and honest. However this is leading to letting him give you the runaround and contacting him each time during his free slot is pretty intense. Try matching his energy, perhaps?

EatSleepReplete · 03/04/2022 00:06

How much effort does he put into this relationship?

marvellousmaple · 03/04/2022 00:12

I thought blue ticks were a new kind of bitey bug. Sorry OP . That doesn't help. All sounds too much like hard work to me.

ThatsNotItAtAll · 03/04/2022 00:13

That's ridiculously elaborate game playing - he's trying to make you chase after him to talk to him so he assumes that when you're not doing so you're game playing too!

The question is why on earth is he doing that? Especially as you're already a couple and surely beyond some silly "playing hard to get" / "treat them mean to keep them keen" nonsense!

HellToTheNope · 03/04/2022 00:15

Come on now. Are you 14? Tell this twat to fuck off because you're not going to play these ridiculous games. FFS, want better for yourself.

AtrociousCircumstance · 03/04/2022 00:18

You were running around after him all day trying to contact him on his specified schedule, and were knocked back, and then when he was willing to grace you with his benevolent contact you didn’t jump high enough when he said jump….?

Ugh. Dump.

SnowyPetals · 03/04/2022 00:22

Such drama! When I want to talk to someone I call them. If they don't answer, they will see the missed call and ring me back. Job done.

BoredZelda · 03/04/2022 00:57

I couldn’t be arsed with any of this. What a waste of energy.

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