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AIBU?

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Original poster

Bf refusing to call me because of blue fucking ticks?

119 replies

BlueFkingTicks · 02/04/2022 22:37

My Bf is working abroad. There is a time difference, and we're both busy which makes finding a time to chat difficult.

Today, he messaged telling me the times he would be free. I messaged throughout the day, and at his first free time - I asked if he was free to chat. He wasn't - which was fine, and I told him I'd try again later.

I tried again during his second free slot - again he was busy, but that was fine.

I tried again later on - telling him I was out with friends, but I was happy to step out and give him a call if he was free. He said not to worry about it as we would chat later.

I got home - messaged to tell him I was home and free to chat. He replied 'Ok - Gimme 5'.

I was busy around the house - saw his Gimme 5 message and thought that's fine, he'll call when he's free.

20 minutes later he messaged saying 'I'm guessing you're busy, let's leave it for tonight'. I replied 'Eh? I'm free I told you I was"!

He refused my calls, and eventually when he accepted my call, he told me that because I hadn't opened his message and blue ticked it, or responded to it - he assumed I didn't want to talk to him.

I think that's bonkers, and I'm afraid I got a bit upset and told him so.

AIBU to assume that a message saying 'Gimme 5' doesn't need a response, and failing to respond to it doesn't warrant someone deciding not to bother calling and that I'm not interested in talking?

OP posts:
tempester28 · 03/04/2022 07:25

Sounds like he is trying to blame you and doesn't really want to talk.

lightisnotwhite · 03/04/2022 07:27

@NiceTwin

Have I read this differently to everybody else Confused?

You didn't open the Gimme 5 message, so he didn't think you'd read it. I can understand him not ringing you as he assumed you were too busy to read the message, let alone talk to him.

That said, why over complicate? Ring him, if he answers, chat, if he doesn't, try again later. It seems like an unnecessary action texting to ask if you can ring.

The “Gimme 5” was a response to the Op’s “I’m back and free to talk”.

Why would that not still be the case just because he needed 5 minutes?

Palavah · 03/04/2022 07:27

@NiceTwin @InvincibleInvisibility but if he actually wanted to talk to her surely he would have called her after the 5 minutes/when he was free. If he actually wanted to talk to her.

lightisnotwhite · 03/04/2022 07:29

@NiceTwin She did call him back and he refused to pick up.

Twixxed · 03/04/2022 07:35

He's being ridiculous. It's just a misunderstanding about who's calling who, I don't really get why he'd get angry about that (especially when you've been trying all day to get in touch with him).

Justleaveitblankthen · 03/04/2022 07:43

@DownToTheSeaAgain

You do know that you can turn the ticks off - that will really annoy him.

I actually didn't know this.
I have avoided this type of App & social media for this type of scenario. Life is stressful and busy enough to be fretting about not replying the instant you receive a message Hmm
If you want to communicate with me, text or call.

Sswhinesthebest · 03/04/2022 07:45

Red flag. Are there anymore now you think about the relationship?

LizzieSiddal · 03/04/2022 07:46

AtrociousCircumstance
You were running around after him all day trying to contact him on his specified schedule, and were knocked back, and then when he was willing to grace you with his benevolent contact you didn’t jump high enough when he said jump….?

Ugh. Dump.

Exactly this. He’s horrible to have you running around all day then treating you like this when he clicks his fingers- he’s a controlling arse and you’ll be forever treading on eggshells if you stay with him.

pictish · 03/04/2022 07:46

Looks like he’s playing with you, making you work very hard for five minutes of his time. You’re even offering to step out from a night out to appease him with some attention, whereas I would have said “I’m out tonight but can talk tomorrow?”

He’s spotted a ‘reason’ to punish you and make you work harder and he’s using it. That’s what I think.
In short, sounds a cunt.

Obelisk · 03/04/2022 07:50

I feel exhausted just reading that. Is he normally like this?

Would suggest you stop trying so hard. What’s wrong with him just giving you a call when he’s free and you answering if you’re free, like the old days? Giving you windows in which to call and then not being free in those windows is completely pointless.

Branster · 03/04/2022 07:54

Not much help to you OP, but I am relieved there isn't a new variety of ticks invasion- I clicked on your thread thinking "OMG how long before my dog gets these new mutants blue ticks that I haven't yet heard about?!"

RantyAunty · 03/04/2022 08:02

Good grief. This twat has you spending your entire day chasing him down. He is far too much hard work. Dump.

ThirdElephant · 03/04/2022 08:07

Why don't you guys just call in the first place, rather than sending a pre-call message?

Soontobe60 · 03/04/2022 08:08

@NiceTwin

Have I read this differently to everybody else Confused?

You didn't open the Gimme 5 message, so he didn't think you'd read it. I can understand him not ringing you as he assumed you were too busy to read the message, let alone talk to him.

That said, why over complicate? Ring him, if he answers, chat, if he doesn't, try again later. It seems like an unnecessary action texting to ask if you can ring.

That’s how I read it too. If I don’t see the blue tick, I assume my message hasn’t been read.
Soontobe60 · 03/04/2022 08:09

@RantyAunty

Good grief. This twat has you spending your entire day chasing him down. He is far too much hard work. Dump.
Or maybe just actually phone him in the first place and leave a message if he doesn’t answer? Sounds like someone’s a little too desperate.
skodadoda · 03/04/2022 08:09

@marvellousmaple

I thought blue ticks were a new kind of bitey bug. Sorry OP . That doesn't help. All sounds too much like hard work to me.
I thought that too 😂 Modern communication is wonderful but it does have its down side. In the 60s we were lucky enough to have a phone, in a freezing cold hall. My bf had to call from a public phone box. Yes, I am that old 😆
MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 03/04/2022 08:13

@DownToTheSeaAgain

You do know that you can turn the ticks off - that will really annoy him.
I turn mine off .
EthicalNonMahogany · 03/04/2022 08:24

YABU. You didn't open the message and so it wasn't blue ticked. That means from his point of view you'd not read it. So he thought you didn't know he needed 5 mins.

But HIBU also for not replying to your 'I'm home now' message with a call.

chaosrabbitland · 03/04/2022 08:24

chasing about after a man trying to ring him constantly is what i would have done when i was in my twenties , when despite being told i was atttractive my self estem was at rock bottom , now im nearly 50 i couldnt be doing with this nonsense .
just leave it and dont respond anymore to him . if hes intrested he will call , if not then just bin him off

TracyMosby · 03/04/2022 08:28

You were running around after him all day trying to contact him on his specified schedule, and were knocked back, and then when he was willing to grace you with his benevolent contact you didn’t jump high enough when he said jump….?

This op. He is horribly selfish.

And switch the ticks off.

PurpleParrotfish · 03/04/2022 08:29

If people get a brief message on their lock screen like ‘yes ok’ or ‘thanks’ or ‘gimme 5’ do they really feel obliged to open it in the app and just so it’s blue ticked?

BlueOverYellow · 03/04/2022 08:33

Notice he doesn't want you doing anything except literally sitting around, gripping your phone, desperately hoping he's going to message you.

Tell him to fuck off with his game playing. Don't play.

Go out and have a lovely day and leave your phone at home.

TheNameOfTheRoses · 03/04/2022 08:38

So he told you to contact him at 3 different times but each time wasn’t available. And then got upset because you didn’t answer to his last message when he was finally free for you.

It feels like he is doing his best ti ensure you are always waiting for him and adjusting to his needs/requirements.
I would have expected him to contact me after the first time when he wasn’t available when he said he would be. Why did he expect you to do all the leg work? It’s like he is expecting you to be at his beck and call.

Hopingforabagofbuttons · 03/04/2022 08:39

What a muppet !
How long have you been with him, is this childish behaviour the norm?
He sounds passive aggressive, and just all round hard work.
I’d move on

TheNameOfTheRoses · 03/04/2022 08:43

@InvincibleInvisibility yes I have been in that place with DH being abroad to places like China and South Korea.
And yes meetings get in the way etc…

But he would never have then got upset with me because I hadn’t immediately answered a message. He would have acknowledged I had tried several times, that HE wasn’t available. And it’s more likely that we would have said ‘let’s have a chat tomorrow instead’.