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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bf refusing to call me because of blue fucking ticks?

119 replies

BlueFkingTicks · 02/04/2022 22:37

My Bf is working abroad. There is a time difference, and we're both busy which makes finding a time to chat difficult.

Today, he messaged telling me the times he would be free. I messaged throughout the day, and at his first free time - I asked if he was free to chat. He wasn't - which was fine, and I told him I'd try again later.

I tried again during his second free slot - again he was busy, but that was fine.

I tried again later on - telling him I was out with friends, but I was happy to step out and give him a call if he was free. He said not to worry about it as we would chat later.

I got home - messaged to tell him I was home and free to chat. He replied 'Ok - Gimme 5'.

I was busy around the house - saw his Gimme 5 message and thought that's fine, he'll call when he's free.

20 minutes later he messaged saying 'I'm guessing you're busy, let's leave it for tonight'. I replied 'Eh? I'm free I told you I was"!

He refused my calls, and eventually when he accepted my call, he told me that because I hadn't opened his message and blue ticked it, or responded to it - he assumed I didn't want to talk to him.

I think that's bonkers, and I'm afraid I got a bit upset and told him so.

AIBU to assume that a message saying 'Gimme 5' doesn't need a response, and failing to respond to it doesn't warrant someone deciding not to bother calling and that I'm not interested in talking?

OP posts:
RustyShackleford3 · 03/04/2022 08:45

He isn't that bothered about talking to you, but rather than be honest about this, he wants to find a way to blame you.

RustyShackleford3 · 03/04/2022 08:47

DH and I have been on different continents on quite a few occasions. It is hard to make time to talk due to time difference. He's never kicked off because of the "blue ticks". Tbh I reckon that even if I was being a bit of an arse for some reason, he would probably still pick up when I called him because he misses me when he goes away.

THisbackwithavengeance · 03/04/2022 08:53

@chaosrabbitland

chasing about after a man trying to ring him constantly is what i would have done when i was in my twenties , when despite being told i was atttractive my self estem was at rock bottom , now im nearly 50 i couldnt be doing with this nonsense . just leave it and dont respond anymore to him . if hes intrested he will call , if not then just bin him off
Me too. Agree 100%.

This guy has all the power currently; he sets the schedule but then is constantly "too busy" to talk then does a flounce because the OP wasn't sat staring at her phone waiting for His Majesty to call when he finally deigns to speak to her. What a twat.

Koigarden · 03/04/2022 08:55

Is he 12 years old? For goodness sake 🙄

iheartmybeachhut · 03/04/2022 08:56

I'd bin this off due to the childish behaviour on his part,

wishywashy6 · 03/04/2022 09:06

Fuck that shit, life's too short.

Is he always this manipulative and controlling?

AngelinaFibres · 03/04/2022 09:08

Sometimes periods of separation can be romantic and make you appreciate each other in a different way. Sometimes they are a PITA. This sounds like the second option.

FrancescaContini · 03/04/2022 09:08

Agree that it sounds really exhausting and petty.

YouShouldGoAndLoveYourself · 03/04/2022 09:12

I can’t remember ever tried so hard to speak to someone as you did with bf today. They would have had to tell me times they were actually free and we then would both be trying to ring/ make ourselves free.
It sounds quite one sided

FloralsForSpring · 03/04/2022 09:15

This all sounds a bit much tbh.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 03/04/2022 09:17

Blimey, what a load of drama.

"Time slots" where you're allowed to try and call him, messaging first to make sure it's okay and then he refuses to speak to you because you didn't open a message on WhatsApp? Hmm

It sounds like my "relationships" when I was about fourteen and talking to boys on MSN - back in the days where we both had to plan to be online at the same time
so we could chat for free as texting still cost money and we were all on PAYG phones Grin

Honestly OP - raise your bar.

DarkDarkNight · 03/04/2022 09:19

Too much hard work. He knocked you back all day when you were falling over yourself to talk to him then sulked when he didn’t get his way.

Comtesse · 03/04/2022 09:24

What is his problem? Why do you have to jump through all these hoops? The one who’s away makes the effort no?

AChocolateOrangeaday · 03/04/2022 09:24

So glad I did all my "courting" without all this ticking drama and utter nonsense.

He's not that into you OP.

BoredZelda · 03/04/2022 09:31

You didn't open the Gimme 5 message, so he didn't think you'd read it. I can understand him not ringing you as he assumed you were too busy to read the message, let alone talk to him.

He had just literally received a text from her saying she was free to chat. What did he thing had changed in the 5 she was being asked to give him?

girlmom21 · 03/04/2022 09:32

You both sound exhausting to me. Why not just say "call me when you're free" the first time instead of messaging to ask if he's free when he's already said he'll be free Confused

Aprilx · 03/04/2022 09:33

I can hardly believe you chased around him all day like that in the first place! He really thinks he is something special doesn’t he, like you should be grateful for any opportunity to speak to him. I think it is more of a case that he wanted to see you jump through more hoops than him actually nit wanting to speak to you, suspect he is pretty indifferent about that. Whatever, he doesn’t think much of you.

I have no idea what blue ticking means, I was another that opened the thread thinking it was about somebody whose boyfriend wouldn’t speak to her whilst she had some infestation.

BoredZelda · 03/04/2022 09:35

So glad I did all my "courting" without all this ticking drama and utter nonsense.

Yeah but so much easier to see if that guy has read your message than the guessing game of ‘did he get my answerphone message, shall I phone again, maybe his phone is broken or he lost my number…” I hated that bit!

Whatwouldscullydo · 03/04/2022 09:39

So he's to busy to talk to you all bloody day then expects youto be glued to your phone the second he's available. God forbid you are doing something that means you cant instantly open a message. Why didn't he just call after the 5 mins.

Are you his pet? Do you have to sit , roll over, paw on his demand?

I'd tell him to fuck off tbh. I dont believe fir a second its that difficult to actually contact you all day. Its an excuse.

AChocolateOrangeaday · 03/04/2022 09:39

@BoredZelda lol! However I am such an old gimmer that all my phone transactions consisted of my Dad shouting upstairs "That lad is on the phone for you again" then suffering the humiliation of all the family listening avidly through the door as I stood in the hall on the one very stationary phone!

BoredZelda · 03/04/2022 09:42

However I am such an old gimmer that all my phone transactions consisted of my Dad shouting upstairs "That lad is on the phone for you again" then suffering the humiliation of all the family listening avidly through the door as I stood in the hall on the one very stationary phone!

Same here. And don’t ever move the phone pen!

ABitBesottedWithMyDog · 03/04/2022 09:42

Sounds like a manbaby

Latecomer131 · 03/04/2022 09:43

This is completely unhelpful, but I initially misread your post title as "Bf refusing to call me because of blue fucking tits" and assumed your bf was a birdwatching obsessive Grin.

mintbiscuit · 03/04/2022 09:45

OP, trust me when I say this is the tip of the iceberg.

Move on.

Daisydoesnt · 03/04/2022 09:53

*OP, trust me when I say this is the tip of the iceberg.

Move on*

This ^^

OP I know it's not what you want to hear but in six months time you'll either look back and think, phew that was a close shave, he was a right tosser and not worth my time. Or sadly you'll still be dating him.