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AIBU?

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Original poster

Bf refusing to call me because of blue fucking ticks?

119 replies

BlueFkingTicks · 02/04/2022 22:37

My Bf is working abroad. There is a time difference, and we're both busy which makes finding a time to chat difficult.

Today, he messaged telling me the times he would be free. I messaged throughout the day, and at his first free time - I asked if he was free to chat. He wasn't - which was fine, and I told him I'd try again later.

I tried again during his second free slot - again he was busy, but that was fine.

I tried again later on - telling him I was out with friends, but I was happy to step out and give him a call if he was free. He said not to worry about it as we would chat later.

I got home - messaged to tell him I was home and free to chat. He replied 'Ok - Gimme 5'.

I was busy around the house - saw his Gimme 5 message and thought that's fine, he'll call when he's free.

20 minutes later he messaged saying 'I'm guessing you're busy, let's leave it for tonight'. I replied 'Eh? I'm free I told you I was"!

He refused my calls, and eventually when he accepted my call, he told me that because I hadn't opened his message and blue ticked it, or responded to it - he assumed I didn't want to talk to him.

I think that's bonkers, and I'm afraid I got a bit upset and told him so.

AIBU to assume that a message saying 'Gimme 5' doesn't need a response, and failing to respond to it doesn't warrant someone deciding not to bother calling and that I'm not interested in talking?

OP posts:
RisingSunn · 03/04/2022 01:15

Waste of energy. He doesn’t really want to speak with you.

Viviennemary · 03/04/2022 01:22

You are coming across as a little bit desperate. Take a step back and let him contact you.

twoandcooplease · 03/04/2022 01:34

@DownToTheSeaAgain

You do know that you can turn the ticks off - that will really annoy him.
This

He's being a drama llama. I bet he'd be unhappy if you thumbed in response to his 'gimme 5' instead. I think your blue tick was reply enough to his text

VimFuego101 · 03/04/2022 01:47

@AtrociousCircumstance

You were running around after him all day trying to contact him on his specified schedule, and were knocked back, and then when he was willing to grace you with his benevolent contact you didn’t jump high enough when he said jump….?

Ugh. Dump.

Spot on.
Cluelessmouse · 03/04/2022 01:52

It sounds annoying and childish
Buuuut as someone who has felt super lonely working abroad and looked forward to that one bit of caring interaction in the day, I can’t say if I was a bit overtired and emotional that I wouldn’t do the same as your bf

How do you think he’s doing in general?
Obviously if he’s always like this he’s a PITA but if it’s out of the ordinary for him to be this difficult maybe he’s struggling

KnowingMeKnowingYouAhaaaa · 03/04/2022 01:54

Sounds like a lot of hassle. How long is he away for? If this is a long term abroad thing I'd kick him into touch, seems pretty pointless if this is your relationship.

NurseBernard · 03/04/2022 01:58

FML.

Seriously?

All that messaging … Jesus H.

You call when you’re free. He calls when he’s free. And if/when the stars align and you’re both free, you speak.

At least this is how I thought it was done for the last 48-odd years….

UrsulaBursula · 03/04/2022 02:05

YABU to even have to question this.

YABU to be with this guy/ big baby.

LooksBetterWithAFaceMask · 03/04/2022 02:07

He’s been an arse playing games. He told you when he’d be free then was busy. Even when you were busy with friends you said you’d step outside then he has a strop because you didn’t respond as he decided was appropriate.
You’re being far to accommodating and available and he’s being dramatic.

cherryonthecakes · 03/04/2022 02:40

He was clearly looking for an excuse to get out of talking to you. Stop chasing (and dating!) this man baby

Fraaahnces · 03/04/2022 02:45

Controlling, insecure knob

NiceTwin · 03/04/2022 02:48

Have I read this differently to everybody else Confused?

You didn't open the Gimme 5 message, so he didn't think you'd read it. I can understand him not ringing you as he assumed you were too busy to read the message, let alone talk to him.

That said, why over complicate? Ring him, if he answers, chat, if he doesn't, try again later. It seems like an unnecessary action texting to ask if you can ring.

oakleaffy · 03/04/2022 05:49

I thought ''Blue ticks'' were arachnids, Truly, and that he was worried about his and your safety.

oakleaffy · 03/04/2022 05:50

Edit: Especially with the mention of ''Abroad''

mycatisannoying · 03/04/2022 05:55

OP, you have done absolutely nothing wrong. This is all you need to know.

Polyanthus2 · 03/04/2022 06:24

I had years of DH working abroad - and as the dutiful wife took his calls whether busy or not, often I'd be relaxing late on and get the interruption.
I spoke to someone who had a similar set up - she'd told her DH it was too hard and that she was busy all day.
Thing is DH would call when he was driving somewhere - so bored, no one else to chat to, without considering what i might be doing.

You're probably best to fix a time, early morning if it suits you.

Indicatrice · 03/04/2022 06:24

Dump the twat.

Daffyaboutdaffs · 03/04/2022 06:30

You are trying too hard.
You have bent over backwards to accommodate him and for some reason he is trying to punish you for making the effort. I would take a step back from this relationship.

Grumpasaurusrex · 03/04/2022 06:36

He doesn't want to talk to you.

Ivyonafence · 03/04/2022 06:39

I had a boyfriend get mad at me about this once.

It was the first sign that he was abusive, insecure and deeply possessive.

If I could go back in time I would tell myself to run a mile.

lightisnotwhite · 03/04/2022 06:39

@nicesausages

You're putting far too much effort into this and giving him all the power in the situation. Calm down, back off, reduce contact ... and see what happens.
This. As with everything in relationships the person most invested needs to let the other make the effort.
InvincibleInvisibility · 03/04/2022 06:58

I appear to have read it differently too. But it may be cos DH is currently working abroad with a 6hr time difference and its bloody difficult to find a time to chat. He can be dragged into last minute meetings or conversations at a time he thought he'd be free. Ditto he can ring me but I'll be in a meeting or juggling DC.

It is frustrating sending messages and getting no acknowledgement. You don't know how his day has been. If all his planned free slots were unexpectedly taken up then maybe he's tired and fed up and just can't be bothered to chat today.

At the end of the day, you know better than us whether it's worth making the effort with him. It's definitely worth it for me and DH.

Norgie · 03/04/2022 06:59

My next message to him would be Goodbye.
He sounds like a petulant drip.

Yellownightmare · 03/04/2022 07:02

@Ivyonafence

I had a boyfriend get mad at me about this once.

It was the first sign that he was abusive, insecure and deeply possessive.

If I could go back in time I would tell myself to run a mile.

I think this is pretty possible. Or at least he's a game player. Yuck.

Relationships like this become very tedious in the end.

Does he want a mature, loving relationship, really? Or does he want to play one-up, one-down all the time? Hint: you're always going to be the one-down.

Palavah · 03/04/2022 07:24

@AtrociousCircumstance

You were running around after him all day trying to contact him on his specified schedule, and were knocked back, and then when he was willing to grace you with his benevolent contact you didn’t jump high enough when he said jump….?

Ugh. Dump.

This
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