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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DP should have offered to help?

149 replies

Imaysnapandfart · 02/04/2022 13:33

It’s my DS birthday and he wanted to go to soft play / Flip put type thing. He wanted his friend to come and DD wanted DP’s DS to come as they are really good friends. So 4 children under 11.
DP dropped his DS off this morning (we don’t live together) and then left me to it. I then had to fork out for a 6 seater cab to get us there (I don’t drive) and back again, whilst controlling 4 excited children in the chaos of soft play.

AIBU to think DP should have offered to help as he drives? He couldn’t have fit all of us in his car but he could have taken his DS and my DD so I could have taken the other 2 in a smaller (cheaper) taxi. Plus it’s very stressful being the only adult in charge of the 4 of them. Am I just being a princess or should he have stepped up?

OP posts:
Clymene · 02/04/2022 18:45

Oh well I suppose that's something @AHungryCaterpillar !

What about his older kid? Where's he while daddy is on an all day bender?

AHungryCaterpillar · 02/04/2022 18:50

Who knows, sounds like he is older though the op hasn’t clarified I don’t think? so he could be 16.. mind you he’s probably found another push over mug to have him for the night as well.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 02/04/2022 18:59

At least your eyes have finally opened Op.
And I know you said dd likes his ds but don't be guilted into having him over "for the sake of the kids friendship".
Not your problem.
And what's to stop him picking up ds in a taxi?
Apart from his lazy cheapskate ass?

Duchess379 · 02/04/2022 19:04

So he doesn't even stay with you whilst his son is having a sleepover?!
I'm sorry love, but this isn't a relationship, you're just an au pair with benefits. Tell him to fuck right off, with bells on. 😠

Starseeking · 02/04/2022 19:05

Sounds like he views you as a free babysitter that he gets to sleep with. I'd phase him out.

Duchess379 · 02/04/2022 19:07

@Imaysnapandfart

My DCs go to his for sleepovers sometimes but I’m with them as well, so the onus is rarely on him alone.

I AM being too passive, I think I’m not wanting to upset the apple cart. I won’t have his DS over again - it’s just my DCs always beg for it.

That's fine, but he has to come too! You're being a free babysitter whilst he's swanning off, acting like a single guy. It's both off you or nothing.

Merlott · 02/04/2022 19:07

A "DP" who uses the OP as childcare at the weekend. He doesn't even live with OP so literally is using her..!

I'm lost for words.

PassThePringles · 02/04/2022 19:27

Is there a reason he can't come and chill with yous for a few hours while his older son is out? Give the older child a key for if he needs into his dad's house? Or could he ring if he needs him then your partner could go back to him? Definitely a weird set up... He should want to spend time with you lot, aka his family... I'd have thought so anyways.

PassThePringles · 02/04/2022 19:33

Just seen your comment about being 'a proper mug' awww.... I'm so glad you're going to end it with him. Sometimes we hold on hoping things get better then before we know it, it's months/years down the line. Don't put yourself down, you sound lovely and considerate. You deserve better 💐

Original poster
Imaysnapandfart · 02/04/2022 20:27

He literally just texted saying “how’s your hectic day lol”
So I replied “better than yours will be tomorrow!”
Absolutely fuming.

OP posts:
Original poster
Imaysnapandfart · 02/04/2022 20:29

Really want to have a glass of wine to unwind but I have a thing about drinking with children (which clearly he doesn’t!)

OP posts:
Original poster
Imaysnapandfart · 02/04/2022 20:33

Just scrolling through comments - older DS is 13

OP posts:
angieloumc · 02/04/2022 22:10

@Imaysnapandfart

He literally just texted saying “how’s your hectic day lol” So I replied “better than yours will be tomorrow!” Absolutely fuming.
Unbelievable! You were very restrained in your reply OP.
CoffeeBeansGalore · 02/04/2022 22:13

Well isn't he a prince. You will be well shot of the cheeky using so & so.

HELLITHURT · 03/04/2022 11:21

Stop being such a martyr and let your DH parent his own child.

AHungryCaterpillar · 03/04/2022 12:06

Did he pick him up today op?

Original poster
Imaysnapandfart · 03/04/2022 13:26

@HELLITHURT

Stop being such a martyr and let your DH parent his own child.
Yep, 100%! He has now been told. No drama, no mess.
OP posts:
Daniel2008 · 04/04/2022 12:32

Did you sort it OP?

SpinningTheSeedsOfLove · 04/04/2022 13:05

Good for you.

Stay focused.

Original poster
Imaysnapandfart · 04/04/2022 13:14

When he came to pick up his DS I took him outside and said I didn't appreciate his lack of consideration and respect for me (there have been a few other incidences recently as well which I've posted about separately) and therefore I need to be with someone who DOES consider my feelings and respect me.
His response - "Fucks sake, are you on your period?"
My response - "Take your son and fuck off."

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 04/04/2022 13:24

@Imaysnapandfart

When he came to pick up his DS I took him outside and said I didn't appreciate his lack of consideration and respect for me (there have been a few other incidences recently as well which I've posted about separately) and therefore I need to be with someone who DOES consider my feelings and respect me. His response - "Fucks sake, are you on your period?" My response - "Take your son and fuck off."
What a cheeky cunt. Glad you told him to fuck off
Original poster
Imaysnapandfart · 04/04/2022 13:52

He thought I was just being an EMOTIONAL WOMAN. He rang me crying last night and I literally felt nothing.

Actually I do feel something.

Relief!

OP posts:
TheNameOfTheRoses · 04/04/2022 13:54

@Imaysnapandfart

When he came to pick up his DS I took him outside and said I didn't appreciate his lack of consideration and respect for me (there have been a few other incidences recently as well which I've posted about separately) and therefore I need to be with someone who DOES consider my feelings and respect me. His response - "Fucks sake, are you on your period?" My response - "Take your son and fuck off."
Wow!! If you had any doubt, you wouldnt have had any after that!!

I can understand why you feel relief now!
I'd be careful about him using tears/the dcs getting on well etc.. to reign you in.

SpinningTheSeedsOfLove · 04/04/2022 14:00

Relief is a huge emotion in these circumstances.

It's good to really let it sink in and absorb it.

Original poster
Imaysnapandfart · 04/04/2022 14:00

@TheNameOfTheRoses - oh I'm sure he will. Luckily I get on well with his DS's mum so if there is any desperate pleading for playdates, I can organise it through her rather than him.

Just want to say thanks to everyone who's commented and given me the strength to do what I should have done AGES ago. Flowers

OP posts: