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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DP should have offered to help?

149 replies

Imaysnapandfart · 02/04/2022 13:33

It’s my DS birthday and he wanted to go to soft play / Flip put type thing. He wanted his friend to come and DD wanted DP’s DS to come as they are really good friends. So 4 children under 11.
DP dropped his DS off this morning (we don’t live together) and then left me to it. I then had to fork out for a 6 seater cab to get us there (I don’t drive) and back again, whilst controlling 4 excited children in the chaos of soft play.

AIBU to think DP should have offered to help as he drives? He couldn’t have fit all of us in his car but he could have taken his DS and my DD so I could have taken the other 2 in a smaller (cheaper) taxi. Plus it’s very stressful being the only adult in charge of the 4 of them. Am I just being a princess or should he have stepped up?

OP posts:
ManAlive24 · 02/04/2022 15:40

Nabbed another winner, it looks like.

Original poster
Imaysnapandfart · 02/04/2022 15:44

His DS is not an easy child either, it can be incredibly stressful.

OP posts:
newbiename · 02/04/2022 15:49

Why are you keeping his DS til tomorrow?

Cherrysoup · 02/04/2022 15:50

They can have a sleepover-at his place! No more dropping and running or having his dc without him, he is massively taking the piss. You need to tell your dc not to make plans and it’s by invitation only in future.

Original poster
Imaysnapandfart · 02/04/2022 16:08

@newbiename

Why are you keeping his DS til tomorrow?
Because he and my DC are really good friends and they asked if he could stay for a sleepover for my DS birthday.
OP posts:
Original poster
Imaysnapandfart · 02/04/2022 16:09

@Cherrysoup

They can have a sleepover-at his place! No more dropping and running or having his dc without him, he is massively taking the piss. You need to tell your dc not to make plans and it’s by invitation only in future.
Yes I have told them that now
OP posts:
TheNameOfTheRoses · 02/04/2022 16:20

How old is his older dc?

I mean it’s all nice that you have some sleepover, that the older dc doesn’t want to stay at yours etc… But this sounds more like excuses your DP is using to get out of doing any parenting.
You need to put the responsibility back onto his plate.
And explain to your dcs that organising stuff is nice but it doesn’t mean that the answer is YES.

You need to learn to say NO both to your dcs and to your DP.

TheNameOfTheRoses · 02/04/2022 16:21
  • @BluebellsGreenbells the truth has just fully hit me now that you’ve suggested that. The thought of leaving my kids with him without me there fills me with horror!*

Why is that @Imaysnapandfart?

Duchess379 · 02/04/2022 16:23

He knows you don't drive but didn't think how you were going to get 5 people to the venue? He just sounds a bit thoughtless to me. Why wasn't he involved with the date anyhow?

FilthyforFirth · 02/04/2022 16:30

What do you do with him on your own? You dont seem a couple at all. How odd. I would sack off the relationship entirely.

Wallywobbles · 02/04/2022 16:40

So if they have a sleepover at yours next time is his turn. Same as you would with anyone else.

gamerchick · 02/04/2022 16:45

I'm glad you're not doing it again. He's taking the piss quite a lot.

ButtockUp · 02/04/2022 16:51

I'm sorry if I'm misunderstanding but are you saying that you look after his son during his contact time?

If so, is his son's mum ok with this?

Again, apologies if I've misunderstood.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 02/04/2022 17:46

Call him. You are shattered & he needs to pick up his ds before 7pm.
You want a nice quiet evening after all day with the kids. Sleepover cancelled. If he doesn't want to drive that's fine you will book a taxi that he can pay for.
Time to stand up Op & stop being a pushover & unpaid nanny.

Original poster
Imaysnapandfart · 02/04/2022 18:01

@ButtockUp

I'm sorry if I'm misunderstanding but are you saying that you look after his son during his contact time?

If so, is his son's mum ok with this?

Again, apologies if I've misunderstood.

She’s not bothered tbh - she relishes her alone time so doesn’t really care what her DC get up to when they’re not with her.
OP posts:
Original poster
Imaysnapandfart · 02/04/2022 18:01

And update - it’s been a super hectic day so I texted “D”P to ask if he could collect DS - and he says he can’t because he’s been drinking all day Angry

OP posts:
AHungryCaterpillar · 02/04/2022 18:04

Oh god he is really taking the p* Out of you isn’t he? Do you ever do anything alone just you and him? Does he ask for his son to stay over or is it you asking? (It reads like you invite the child to stay because yours want them there?) The relationship sounds really odd and does sound like he sees you more as a babysitter with benefits

BluebellsGreenbells · 02/04/2022 18:07

Well that’s shit isn’t it? Does he have parents DS can go to instead?

BluebellsGreenbells · 02/04/2022 18:07

*grandparents

starskey80 · 02/04/2022 18:14

Oh no OP, what a shithead.

Clymene · 02/04/2022 18:16

So his son is supposed to go back to his dad's tonight but he's too drunk to look after him? Shock

You know you have to end this right? You're a babysitter and a shag. I'm sorry if you thought he cared about you because he really doesn't.

I'm so sorry. For you and his poor kid.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 02/04/2022 18:17

That's fine. Tell him you will book the taxi & send him home. "D"p can pay for it on arrival.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 02/04/2022 18:17

Do not take no for an answer.

Original poster
Imaysnapandfart · 02/04/2022 18:21

He’s only 9, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable sending him in a taxi. Plus now I know he’s drunk it’s probably better for his DS to stay here - but this will be the last time. And when he sobers up tomorrow I’m going to end it.

No grandparents nearby for DP’s DS unfort.

Yes we do do things on our own - but I’m realising now it’s just hanging out and him getting drunk. I’ve been made a proper mug haven’t I.

OP posts:
AHungryCaterpillar · 02/04/2022 18:24

@Clymene

So his son is supposed to go back to his dad's tonight but he's too drunk to look after him? Shock

You know you have to end this right? You're a babysitter and a shag. I'm sorry if you thought he cared about you because he really doesn't.

I'm so sorry. For you and his poor kid.

Tbf he’s awful but he wasn’t suppose to be having the son back tonight op offered to have the son for a sleep over so he wasn’t expecting him back