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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DP should have offered to help?

149 replies

Imaysnapandfart · 02/04/2022 13:33

It’s my DS birthday and he wanted to go to soft play / Flip put type thing. He wanted his friend to come and DD wanted DP’s DS to come as they are really good friends. So 4 children under 11.
DP dropped his DS off this morning (we don’t live together) and then left me to it. I then had to fork out for a 6 seater cab to get us there (I don’t drive) and back again, whilst controlling 4 excited children in the chaos of soft play.

AIBU to think DP should have offered to help as he drives? He couldn’t have fit all of us in his car but he could have taken his DS and my DD so I could have taken the other 2 in a smaller (cheaper) taxi. Plus it’s very stressful being the only adult in charge of the 4 of them. Am I just being a princess or should he have stepped up?

OP posts:
FloralsForSpring · 02/04/2022 14:03

How much time do you spend together?

SpiderVersed · 02/04/2022 14:06

I'm going against the grain here but to celebrate your son's birthday you had only 4 children under 11 to look after - 2 of them your own? You could sit at a soft play and have a cuppa while they did their own thing?

That sounds a very easy birthday celebration, I can't see an issue with your boyfriend dropping his child off for that.

Soft play centres are hellscapes; no adult goes there willingly. I wouldn't expect him to help out for such a small birthday celebration, especially if you hadn't asked before. You didn't expect the parent of your DS's friend to be there.

Using you as a babysitter for sleepovers etc, on the other hand, is out of line.

LoganberryJam · 02/04/2022 14:09

He's using you as unpaid childcare OP. It's ok for a birthday, but stop having his DC for sleepovers unless he's prepared to reciprocate.

Original poster
Imaysnapandfart · 02/04/2022 14:09

My DCs go to his for sleepovers sometimes but I’m with them as well, so the onus is rarely on him alone.

I AM being too passive, I think I’m not wanting to upset the apple cart. I won’t have his DS over again - it’s just my DCs always beg for it.

OP posts:
Momijin · 02/04/2022 14:09

Wtaf?? Not so much helping out as 4 is fine but wanting to be there to share the experience and spend time with his son and his girlfriend!!

Original poster
Imaysnapandfart · 02/04/2022 14:12

@Momijin

Wtaf?? Not so much helping out as 4 is fine but wanting to be there to share the experience and spend time with his son and his girlfriend!!
Yeah that’s how I feel. It’s his weekend with his DS but now he’s dumped him on me till tomorrow, he’s just got a free weekend whereas I’m stuck on my own with the kids.
OP posts:
User839516 · 02/04/2022 14:12

Yeah this sounds really weird to me - it sound like you’re not actually in a relationship with him but more a FWB situation with added free babysitting?

LoganberryJam · 02/04/2022 14:14

Next time your DC's beg for it, tell him it's his turn to return the favour and step up - without you there obviously!

AHungryCaterpillar · 02/04/2022 14:15

@User839516

Yeah this sounds really weird to me - it sound like you’re not actually in a relationship with him but more a FWB situation with added free babysitting?
Certainly starting to sound that way.

How long have you been together?

Original poster
Imaysnapandfart · 02/04/2022 14:17

We’ve been together 3 years.

OP posts:
PinkSyCo · 02/04/2022 14:21

I don’t think watching 4 kids of that age for a few hours is hard at all, and I think the fare difference between a 7 seater and a 5 seater cab would be negligible. I think it’s a shame your partner chose not to spend time with his partner and DS though. What did he do instead?

2bazookas · 02/04/2022 14:23

You're not a princess. You're his unpaid nanny and skivvy.

Original poster
Imaysnapandfart · 02/04/2022 14:25

As an aside, to the PP who said taking 4 children under 11 to soft play shouldn’t be a problem, you didnt have THESE 4 children! Literally 2 hours of “he pushed me” “I’m hungry” “I broke something” “where are the loos?”. No chance of a restful cuppa! 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Imaysnapandfart · 02/04/2022 14:26

And it’s not just a few hours, I have them all day and then his DS for a sleepover

OP posts:
Sirzy · 02/04/2022 14:26

I don’t think he was unreasonable today as you could have explained what you said here after he said about being no point.

But even stranger is you having his child (and vice versa to a lesser degree) for a sleepover without you and your partner also staying over. Surely that would be a bonus of the kids getting on?

Hawkins001 · 02/04/2022 14:29

@Imaysnapandfart

Yes I should have been more specific and asked him outright. I suppose I didn’t want to be the damsel in distress asking for help, but now I’m regretting it! I guess I probably AM being unreasonable, I suppose I just thought he should have thought about me being in my own with four children and offered to help - I didn’t think I should have to ask.
I understand your perspectives and frustrations, but sometimes what we presume as obvious is not always obvious to others. Even if it should be,
Original poster
Imaysnapandfart · 02/04/2022 14:29

That’s the thing - when they have sleepovers at his, I’m always there so we’re all together. But when I have his DS he isn’t here.

I am blatantly just being used for babysitting!

OP posts:
Hawkins001 · 02/04/2022 14:29

@Imaysnapandfart

As an aside, to the PP who said taking 4 children under 11 to soft play shouldn’t be a problem, you didnt have THESE 4 children! Literally 2 hours of “he pushed me” “I’m hungry” “I broke something” “where are the loos?”. No chance of a restful cuppa! 😂
with kids, a cuppa and a minute is luxury.
SpinningTheSeedsOfLove · 02/04/2022 14:31

OP, you've posted here because you're not happy, and you're not happy because of the way your boyfriend is treating you.

And lots of posters are agreeing that the way he's treating you is extremely shoddy.

He sounds like a right arsehole, tbh.

DowntonCrabby · 02/04/2022 14:32

Thank goodness the scales are globally falling from your eyes OP. You deserve better Flowers

DowntonCrabby · 02/04/2022 14:33

*finally not globally!!

starskey80 · 02/04/2022 14:33

What's his excuse for not staying at yours when his ds is there?
That's so weird, and he only has his son weekends?

DenholmElliot · 02/04/2022 14:33

Just out of curiosity When was the last time your boyfriend brought you a bunch of flowers?

springtimeishereagain · 02/04/2022 14:37

That sounds pretty unfair. He's not a parent dropping their kid off for a party, he's meant to be your boyfriend! He sounds selfish, not a team player.

SpringSparrow · 02/04/2022 14:37

I would message him that the sleepover is off and get him to pick up his son. No way would I be looking after his son whilst he is just chilling at his house.🤨