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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend has covid so I'm sleeping in a different room...aibu?

107 replies

wetlastfoor · 01/04/2022 08:46

My boyfriend tested positive for covid Monday and isn't well at all
Temperature/coughing /aches/weak etc (usual symptoms )
So I decided to sleep in the spare room to try not catch it.
He's coughing all over the shop,never covers his mouth.
So I've been cleaning down doors /toilets etc etc to hopefully kill the germs.
Anyway he says I'm being neurotic because 1.I won't kiss him and 2 won't share a bed.
I mean maybe I am being ott but I really don't want to catch it.
He never listens,I bought him anti bac when it all started he refused to use it or wash his hands ..saying I'm stupid blah blah.

Aibu ?
He says I'm gonna catch it anyway
I'm testing daily and lateral flows negative and so far no symptoms and feel fine.
Am I being horrible to him?
He said he feels awful I'm avoiding him like this

OP posts:
sanityisamyth · 01/04/2022 08:48

I wouldn't just be in a different room from him, I'd be in a different house!!

Pyri · 01/04/2022 08:48

I think the bigger issue really is him not respecting your wishes and being a bit of an arse to you about something which is perfectly sensible

No YANBU, I took precautions (albeit less than you’re doing) and never caught it from my husband despite being in close proximity so it’s very possible for you to swerve it

MustBeDueSomeBetterFeet · 01/04/2022 08:49

He sounds thick and inconsiderate. Is he vaccinated?

It's fair enough not to want to catch it - it's taken me 6 weeks to fully recover!!

Vapeyvapevape · 01/04/2022 08:49

My bil and sister slept in the same bed when she had covid, bil didn't catch it. I think it's so random who catches it and who doesn't.
In your case if he's coughing all night, I might sleep in another room just so I don't get disturbed.

Neolara · 01/04/2022 08:50

He's being completely ridiculous. You may well end up getting covid despite your best efforts, but kissing him would be asking for it.

Original poster
wetlastfoor · 01/04/2022 08:50

Yeah he has had all 3 vaccines so far

OP posts:
theDudesmummy · 01/04/2022 08:51

You will probably catch it anyway, but you have bigger problems. A grown man who won't wash his hands or cover his mouth when he coughs? Calls you stupid? Ugh.

Wiredforsound · 01/04/2022 08:51

What an awful, dirty, disgusting man. He sounds horrible and really disrespectful, almost like he’s trying to get you to catch it. I’d also be in a different house, permanently.

Bananabutter · 01/04/2022 08:51

Yeah, you’re being neurotic and over the top. You’re going to catch it soon and there’s nothing you can do about it so no point stressing yourself out and your mental health suffering with all the daily testing. It’s pointless.

Just treat it as you would any other cold when you catch it.

I get not wanting to kiss though as nobody wants to kiss sick people regardless of the illness.

Hadjab · 01/04/2022 08:52

@MustBeDueSomeBetterFeet

He sounds thick and inconsiderate. Is he vaccinated?

It's fair enough not to want to catch it - it's taken me 6 weeks to fully recover!!

What does his vaccination status have to do with anything?
Original poster
wetlastfoor · 01/04/2022 08:52

I've only been testing every day since Monday as a few people I work with are older than me and have a few health issues so don't want to risk taking any germs into the office

OP posts:
Original poster
wetlastfoor · 01/04/2022 08:53

I know eventually we will all catch it but I'm trying to avoid it as long as I possibly can.

OP posts:
TopCatsTopHat · 01/04/2022 08:53

Nothing about his physical symptoms, risk of contagion but most importantly his attitude would make me want to be near him.
It's temporary so what's the issue! Assuming you are just pragmatically taking practical steps to do what you can to keep things clean just now, and you're not blaming him and making him feel like crap for bringing plague to the house he is taking something not remotely personal very personally.
Maybe he thinks you're ott, but nothing you're describing sounds hugely ott to me, so it doesn't justify the insults (neurotic and stupid - charming!!). You're just being hygienic and practical. It's not as if you're crying yourself to sleep with fear of it!
He sounds fragile of ego and unpleasant with it.

FluffyPersian · 01/04/2022 08:53

My sister and her Husband tested positive when they were staying with us over New Year.

I didn't kiss my sister or her Husband, nor did I share a bed with them - we stayed a minimum of 5 meters away at all times, had a different bathroom and had the window open.

I still caught covid a week later (100% from them as didn't go outside anywhere else!)

CantStandMeow · 01/04/2022 08:54

Both DH and I have had it twice but never at the same time. Continued sharing a bed etc and never caught it from one another.

mumandbambinos · 01/04/2022 08:54

YANBU.

When I had it in October, DH slept downstairs for a few days. It was quite nice tbh having the extra space in bed. He didn't catch it.

DH had it last month but didn't test positive for the first 3 days. After testing positive, he offered to sleep in a separate room.

SpringRainbow · 01/04/2022 08:55

I know families who took similar precautions but family members still caught it.

I also know families who took no precautions and lived as normal and nobody else caught it.

It’s very random how it’s passed on.

That being said I think Covid is the red herring. Is he usually disrespectful and dismissive of your feelings?

Mindymomo · 01/04/2022 08:55

If he’s not well with it, he really shouldn’t want you to catch it. 4 of us here had covid 2 weeks ago, DH and adult DS1 got it first. I slept on sofa 2 nights, although I had symptoms was testing negative. Day 3 DH got up from bed as wanted to watch football on tv, so I went to my bed and slept virtually all day. Day 4 I tested positive. You may or may not catch it, but you are right in doing everything to avoid it. I certainly wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

timeisnotaline · 01/04/2022 08:56

Is he pretty dim generally? Realising my boyfriend was stupid would be a deal breaker for me!

Mayorquimby2 · 01/04/2022 08:59

My wife slept in the same bed as me but we were avoiding contact as much as possible and if we'd had a suitable spare room one of us wouldn't have been in it.
I didn't get a cough though so wasn't spluttering over her all night.

I masked up around my daughter and avoided unnecessary contact with her while I was testing positive.

Both seem to have avoided catching it thankfully.

Your bf sounds like a bit of a twat

But you're right to not want to catch it, it's been grim and the isolating is really inconvenient

HandShoe · 01/04/2022 09:00

He’s making it more likely that you’ll catch it, but you’re doing the right thing. When I was COVID positive I slept in a separate room from my husband - aside from that being the advice it meant me coughing didn’t wake him and I had more room to get comfy. The rest of the family didn’t catch it.

knittingaddict · 01/04/2022 09:02

I've had covid for 10 days, taken zero precautions and husband hasn't caught it. Both fully vaccinated. By the time I tested positive my husband had been exposed and had the same contact as I did to the source (germ ladder grandchildren), so we just carried on as normal.

We could have isolated I suppose, but we couldn't be bothered with the sanitising that you describe op. I felt too tired and husband had a job and additional housework to do anyway.

knittingaddict · 01/04/2022 09:03

Germ ladden.

ClaymationHeartsStillBeat · 01/04/2022 09:03

He is being an utter arse!!!
I am angry on your behalf.

When I had covid I moved into another room and slept on a bunkbed with our child and basically stayed there for 10 days. I was desperate for my DH not to get sick.

He is being disrespectful of your wishes and plain rude - what kind of adult doesn't cover their mouth when they cough?

Underfrighter · 01/04/2022 09:03

Me and my husband sleep in different beds if one of us has a bad cold. We don't want to catch it and it's not nice being disturbed by someone coughing and snoring because their nose is blocked. Why on earth would anyone want to kiss someone with a hacking cough.

It's not just about how likely you are to catch it, I thought it was also about the viral load - effectively you get it 'worse' if you've been exposed to more of the virus

He is being selfish and inconsiderate