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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend has covid so I'm sleeping in a different room...aibu?

107 replies

wetlastfoor · 01/04/2022 08:46

My boyfriend tested positive for covid Monday and isn't well at all
Temperature/coughing /aches/weak etc (usual symptoms )
So I decided to sleep in the spare room to try not catch it.
He's coughing all over the shop,never covers his mouth.
So I've been cleaning down doors /toilets etc etc to hopefully kill the germs.
Anyway he says I'm being neurotic because 1.I won't kiss him and 2 won't share a bed.
I mean maybe I am being ott but I really don't want to catch it.
He never listens,I bought him anti bac when it all started he refused to use it or wash his hands ..saying I'm stupid blah blah.

Aibu ?
He says I'm gonna catch it anyway
I'm testing daily and lateral flows negative and so far no symptoms and feel fine.
Am I being horrible to him?
He said he feels awful I'm avoiding him like this

OP posts:
aSofaNearYou · 01/04/2022 10:06

@Samarie123

I agree with your husband on this.

People have become so phobic of germs it's ridiculous, What happened to good old immune systems.

What happened to good old fashioned respecting others that don't feel as you do instead of expecting them to be ill for a week because it wouldn't bother you?
Mrsjayy · 01/04/2022 10:10

I've just had covid Dh slept elsewhere so far fingers crossed he has tested negative, just continue sleeping away from him He sounds pouty I couldn't be arsed with that although isolation is lonely so he is probably overeating..

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/04/2022 10:20

It’s rude to not adhere to basic hand hygiene and cough and splutter everywhere whether the person has covid or not. Whether you isolate from him, realistically you’ll either catch it or not op. But he doesn’t sound very respectful of you. Wearing a mask at all times and increasing ventilation would be the most effective to reduce viral load as you’re breathing the same air.

Luckingfovely · 01/04/2022 10:26

The only thing you're being unreasonable about is being in a relationship with this complete turnip.

Crimesean · 01/04/2022 10:34

@Hadjab vaccinated people are less likely to pass on the virus, less likely to catch it, and less likely to get seriously ill.

mindutopia · 01/04/2022 10:39

I think that's perfectly sensible. When dh had COVID, toddler and I slept in the spare room. When I had COVID, dh slept with me (we'd moved and didn't have the furniture up in the spare room yet). I really wish he'd slept in another room!

It's not just about catching COVID or not (ds and I didn't get it that time), it's about quality of sleep. I wouldn't sleep well with someone feverish, coughing, tossing and turning with body aches all night.

lemontova · 01/04/2022 10:46

He's being selfish, also short-sighted. If you get sick too, who will look after him? I have covid and it is pretty shit, but at least my partner doesn't, so he's bringing me cups of tea, dinner, snacks, ipad to watch films etc and leaving them outside the door. He is sleeping in another room. As is the cat.

WonderfulYou · 01/04/2022 10:47

I think the bigger issue really is him not respecting your wishes and being a bit of an arse to you about something which is perfectly sensible

Absolutely this.

I am around covid a lot of the time so I am less worried about it than some others but I still take it very seriously.

This would be the end of the relationship for me. He doesn’t respect you at all.

MrOllivander · 01/04/2022 10:50

@Samarie123

I agree with your husband on this.

People have become so phobic of germs it's ridiculous, What happened to good old immune systems.

I haven't got one. My body didn't understand the assignment
AlternativePerspective · 01/04/2022 10:56

People have become so phobic of germs it's ridiculous, What happened to good old immune systems. well, maybe if people were more aware and took better precautions generally we wouldn’t have x thousands of deaths from flu every year either, and the hospitals wouldn’t be inundated with norrovirus. Fact is that flu and stomach bug numbers have decreased significantly during the pandemic and a large proportion of the reason for that is increased hand hygiene and keeping distance from others.

At the end of the day if people want to share beds and space with others who have covid, or any other illness for that matter, then crack on. But no-one is wrong for not wanting to catch someone else’s germs, even if that is a common cold.

I’ve been fortunate enough to not have had COVID yet. But I certainly don’t think that it’s ok to throw caution to the wind now. I am in heart failure and COVID could be very detrimental to me. In fact I am in heart failure because of the flu 5.5 years a go when the virus attacked my heart and it turned out I had an as yet undiagnosed heart condition.

So for the people who think that it’s just a cold and you’re unlikely to be affected, I used to think the flu was just the flu as well, until it wasn’t, and now I’m cruising in the direction of the heart transplant list.

spacehardware · 01/04/2022 10:58

He sounds gross snd you sound neurotic

Orgasmagorical · 01/04/2022 11:01

AlternativePerspective Flowers

Scbchl · 01/04/2022 11:03

Me and my dh always always separately if ill - you get a better sleep. Why would you want to kiss someone who is ill either its not exactly sexy coughing, sneezing and spluttering yanbu.

Hshuznw · 01/04/2022 11:13

When my husband had it, he slept in the spare room and we used different bathrooms. Didn’t see each other for two weeks despite living in the same flat. Fortunately I didn’t catch it (I was heavily pregnant at the time, hence our caution).

BoredZelda · 01/04/2022 11:16

I know families who took similar precautions but family members still caught it.

I also know families who took no precautions and lived as normal and nobody else caught it.

I know families who isolated from each other and didn’t catch it.

parkrunner1977 · 01/04/2022 11:16

My husband has Covid at the moment and we haven't separated our sleeping arrangements or kept apart. We've tested every day from last Friday and his have all been positive (including a PCR), while mine have all been negative. I had the booster in December but he hasn't had his.

Nicholethejewellery · 01/04/2022 11:19

Separate rooms are the best option even when you're not trying to avoid illness. The old Roman advice still stands true, relationships are best when partners sleep in separate rooms. Sharing a bed is second best, separate beds in same room is a recipe for disaster.

SpringRainbow · 01/04/2022 11:39

@BoredZelda

I know families who took similar precautions but family members still caught it.

I also know families who took no precautions and lived as normal and nobody else caught it.

I know families who isolated from each other and didn’t catch it.

Yeah I know families like this as well.

I know so many people in so many different circumstances. Sometimes it seems to spread easily, sometimes it doesn’t spread at all.

This is why I said it is random.

SpringRainbow · 01/04/2022 11:40

It’s more concerning to me @BoredZelda that the OPs boyfriend doesn’t appear respect her feelings than how she handles Covid in her home.

WonderfulYou · 01/04/2022 11:41

People have become so phobic of germs it's ridiculous, What happened to good old immune systems.

Ewww! Envy

There’s actually people who don’t cover their mouths when they sneeze or cough and don’t wash their hands after going to the toilet - I think I can guess who on here is one of those people.

reluctantbrit · 01/04/2022 11:43

You aren't U, we all had it in February and DH started it, he moved out to the spare guest bed, while we tried to avoid us catching it, his main concern was that he would disturbe me while coughing and sneezing at night.

It's basically the same we always do when one of has is ill unless the person needs to be monitored.

But, your DH should definitely re-think hygine aspects, his behaviour to you is just rude.

I didn't overly clean, DH stuck to the upstairs toilet.

Saying that, we all got it in the end but I think it's still respectful to ensure the other partner gets a decent night sleep. By the time I started DH was over the worst and still slept in the guest bed.

Mangogogogo · 01/04/2022 11:43

Mine was really poorly so I stayed with him all the time and I did catch it but I was expecting to anyway. I was fine though but we just watched tele in bed most of the time. Yours sounds a little gross in general though so you’re probably right to avoid him, ew

ShinyPikachu · 01/04/2022 11:50

I'm doing the same right now as DH is positive. It's been a few days and I'm still negative thankfully. [knock on wood]

My DH is respecting the fact that I don't want to catch it and he's staying away from the rest of us and cleaning the bathroom after he's been inside etc.

My immune system is shit due to various health issues so he knows that even if he feels ok with it that I likely wouldn't, even after being vaccinated. We certainly want to avoid the risk of finding out if I would be ok with it or not.

It's the lack of respect from your boyfriend as well as his disgusting hygiene that really stands out to me here. Is he selfish at other times too or has this been the first time?

LtJudyHopps · 01/04/2022 11:55

YANBU but I have to say I was the first one with symptoms in my house. Luckily DP stayed elsewhere but didn’t want to see me for a few days even after my isolation was up & I was testing negative. I understood why but it still hurt and a lot of that was around his delivery of the message.
So while he’s being an arse he’s probably just feeling unwell and wants a bit of sympathy instead of feeling disease ridden. (Probably projecting there!)

Ruibies · 01/04/2022 11:59

YANBU. I have it right now and we are doing the same, separate bedrooms, no kissing, distancing as much as possible at home. We're not wiping stuff down though.

It's been harder than I thought it would be to be in the same house and not touching, I feel very starved of affection! But at the same time, I really don't want him to get it and 10 days of distancing isn't so long.

Your partner needs to get a grip and respect that you don't want to catch it and are taking sensible precautions for your own health.