To be annoyed by people being early

[Isittimeformynapyet]

If I arrange to do something at a given time I am always ready. But I'm often inconvenienced by people arriving "virtuously" early.

Should I just be ready early for everything?

Also hate it when people turn up early at my house as I'm usually rushing around cleaning the house or prepping food and I get myself ready myself at last minute so if they turn up early I usually look a flustered mess!
However turning up early if you are meeting at a venue is fine.

5 mins is fine but anything more than that is equally as rude as being late imo. My Mum is the sort of person who always turns up early to everything and it drives me mad. We used to have to sit waiting for 30 mins+ for some appointments as kids because we’d got there so early.

I'm often early for out of house appointments and am quite happy to sit with a drink and my kindle and wait for people but I would never turn up early at someone's house. As PP have said I would sit on a wall or bench outside until a few minutes past the arrival time.

I have one ex-friend who would always turn up early for Sunday lunch invitations at our house. Up to 30 minutes early which was ridiculous given she lives a 15 minute drive /30 minute bus ride away. She isn't an ex-friend because of that but it has been a massive relief that I don't have to factor in her early arrivals when planning my day.

My mum was always early to the point of rudeness. You could be absolutely certain that if you arranged to meet her somewhere she would arrive up to an hour before the agreed time. She would then be very angry to be kept waiting! My daughter once arranged to meet her after work and knowing Mum's compulsive earliness arrived 15 minutes before the agreed time - only to be told off by a complete stranger who was concerned about the elderly lady who had been kept waiting out in the cold for nearly an hour. It didn't improve mum's mood to be described as elderly!

As a family we eventually learned to tell her a later meeting time than everyone else so if the actual time was 2pm we would tell her 3pm so she could arrive with the other guests at about 2.15.

My DM is one of those always early people, and if I arrive on time, she'll moan about having to wait/me being late, and how little time she has left now, as she is in a hurry to get home/somewhere else.

If we arrange for her to come to mine (or for most things in fact), I now give her a time for half hour after we actually should meet. (Eg, say I suggest 1pm being a suitable time for her to come to mine, I will now suggest 1.30pm instead, as I know she'll arrive around 1.10 - 1.15pm )

@SartresSoul

5 mins is fine but anything more than that is equally as rude as being late imo. My Mum is the sort of person who always turns up early to everything and it drives me mad. We used to have to sit waiting for 30 mins+ for some appointments as kids because we’d got there so early.

This made me laugh. My mum is also ridiculously early for everything. I can remember one occasion when we turned up at a ferry port for the 8pm sailing at midday! The earlier crossing was fully booked so we had to wait at the port for 8 hours and god forbid we should drive off to a park or local beauty spot to pass the time - that might have made us late for the next one. We just had to sit in the car for 8 hours.

@FairyCakeWings

If you know that your guests always turn up on time, why don't you just tell them to arrive 15 minutes later than you actually want them, IE when you actually actually want them?

But no one’s complaining about people who turn up on time, so there would be no need to tell people who turn up on time to arrive at a different time to the one you actually want.

I was replying to Nnique who said that they find it rude if people turn up at the time they were told to turn up.

I'm in the early camp.I would rather be early than 5 mins late, I always wait outside rather than knock the door if its someone's home. (Other than family) I get really stressed out by people who are late. If I've invited people to something and they turn up late it throws me out and I get annoyed at waiting for them, and wondering if they are actually going to turn up.

I don't understand how people leave everything till the last minute either. If I'm hosting a party or going out I aim to be ready at least an hour before the time arranged. Rushing around and getting stressed would spoil an event for me.

My sister is the exact opposite to me. It's a running family joke that we give her a much earlier meet up time as she is always late! One day that will backfire and she'll turn up and catch us out. If she's hosting she will be nowhere ready when we arrive (not early I purposely get there bang on time) and be so stressed because time ran away from her and she has so much to do/hasn't got ready. It amazes me how we are so different!

tbf the gritted teeth is usually because these same people think it’s okay to just randomly turn up without asking first or calling ahead to check if it’s a convenient time for us which is another thing I absolutely can’t stand. Again it’s something that there are two definite camps on - I understand that for a lot of people it’s fine and great to have people milling in and out all the time and ‘my door is always open’ works very well for them but I really don’t like people just turning up at my home and putting me in a position where I’d have to be rude in order to get them to go. And they stay for hours and hours too which I just find so rude and entitled. But that’s another issue altogether really.

Agreed, that's a totally different issue and I feel your pain. MY FIL used to do it and it drove me mad.

The comment about gritting my teeth on arrival on the dot is much more to do with their lack of good manners in other contexts - other more reasonable people who work by that convention get a warm welcome exactly as they would were they to work to the convention I prefer. It’s not a big deal really, is it.

No-one like to be thought of as rude, so I can understand why people are now getting upset to discover that although they are receiving what appears to be a warm welcome from their hosts, their host thinks that they are rude.

I suppose that what this subject highlights is that there is no definitive set of 'good manners'.

@queenjaneappro

In a work context, post covid lots of remote working still... I hate it when people start a MS teams meeting early.

I'll be in the middle of drafting something and see the notification - so and so has started the meeting (10 minutes early- where do they have the time?) and it stresses me out. I deliberately force myself to ignore it now and join the meeting bang on the start time.

Yes this stresses me too - they are just sitting there for 5/10 mins waiting for a meeting to start ! Meanwhile I’m rushing now to get things ready and nip to the loo etc!

Another one that winds me up is training - I’m the trainer and arrive an hour or so early to set up room get materials ready and check my film sound and presentation is working ok…etc plus sometimes I have to move tables and chairs to be in the right configuration for group size. I’d like 10 minutes quiet time to just get my head together too. But no. Every bloody time someone will want to arrive 40 minutes early start unpacking their stuff and sitting and tables I have not moved yet and TALK to me !!! FGS just stay in the reception/lobby/car park! (Glad I got that off my chest!)

Other people turning up at my house early - rude. I'll still be hastily bleaching the bog.

I read this as 'bleaching the dog' and now I want to turn up early to my friends' houses to see if I can catch them with their dogs in the chair, getting their highlights done!!

We often have holidays with another couple, if we agree a time to meet up you can guarantee that they’ll be knocking at the door twenty minutes before the arranged time, it’s annoying and rude and intrusive because they then park themselves in our hotel room waiting for us to finish getting ready, it’s getting to the stage where we don’t want to go away with them anymore because quite frankly they’re starting to get on my fucking nerves.

My MiL turned up for Mother's Day lunch at 10.10am. This, remember was on the day the clocks went forward. She then had the cheek to ask for a second breakfast because she'd had hers so early!

Mind you, my DF once told me he'd get here in time for a late lunch, and arrived after midnight...

I have a friend who does this. We will arrange to meet at 12pm and they will message me at 11.10am to say 'I'm here now. I'm just sat by the window as you walk in'. But I know I won't be there til 12 because we've arranged for that time. It does frustrate me and I feel pressured then to 'hurry up' so they're not left waiting for me!

I'm the opposite, early for everything and find it incredibly rude when people are always late for things.

I work running about in the last hour sorting for an event and people arrive!! It's horrendous as they then need chatted to, refreshments are not ready etc etc.

I learned a long time ago to tell PIL's an hour later than everyone else to avoid them being early, I'm glad to see others would still be rushing round/bleaching the loo/looking a mess if folk are early to the house, I've been caught out too many times

If you're hosting at home, say "6-6.30, we're serving dinner at 7", then:

• earlier than 6 is a dick move
• 6-6.45 is fine (after 6.45 they'll be curtain twitching)
• after 7 is a dick move

As a host, you should give a reasonable eta for key events so that guests can plan accordingly. I have meds I need to plan around meal intervals, for example, or need to know if they have plans the next day if we're staying over.

I had someone turn up just over an hour early for Sunday lunch and I was still running around getting ready. I sat her down with a cup of coffee and some magazines but she insisted on following me around and chatting to me whilst I was getting ready. Stressful. 🌹

To my home? Don't prefer it but it's alright, I don't invite visitors I don't feel comfortable having around.

To a neutral space: fine - it'll be them waiting for me.

At work, for appointments: 5mins is preferred (2mins for virtual), it means you made sure to be on time. 30mins is just awkward. I'm afraid you'll have to sit in the lobby (physical or virtual) until I'm ready. I'm probably still in a meeting!

When I cook things inevitably take longer than expected so I'd much rather people arrive 5-10 minutes late than 5-10 minutes early. I need the last 5 minutes to take a breath, put a brush through my hair and shove as much as I can into the dishwasher. I don't see early people as rude but it does add to the pressure.

My parents and siblings arrived an hour early for Christmas Dinner and the house was in chaos. If I'm cooking lunch for 12 while also wrangling feral children on the most over excited day of the year then I'm on a schedule and you need to keep out of the house (and most certainly the kitchen) until the schedule says you can come in. Or at the very least, don't expect me to be able to make conversation until then.

What's really stressful is if you and your spouse have diametrically different views on this.

Mine thinks it's impolite to be on time to someone's house, and aims for about an hour after when they said. With the result that all our friends tell us to be an hour earlier than they want us there, so that we're on time. But then they have to tell me that, because I'm dead punctual, and there's always the danger that I'll get the OH to shift arse and we'll be there half an hour after they said, but also half an hour before they want us.

When people are coming to ours, the OH assumes that they'll be a polite hour late, and all hell breaks loose in the house if a car pulls up at the appointed time. So I have to text everyone to say, "Although we said three, aim for sort of fourish, otherwise I'm likely to be severely injured in a manic last-minute floor-mopping accident."

I'm chronically early for everything. It's my ADHD at play, and I know it's my issue and no one elses.

I'm perfectly happy to sit round the corner in my car with my book for 20 minutes. Even with my best friend, I would never dream of being more than 5 minutes early.

Work meetings, whether remote or in person. 55 minutes before the start of the meeting, I'm doing the last prep of things people have failed to get to me until the last second despite having a fortnight's notice and multiple follow ups, trying to find ten minutes to go to the toilet, take a few deep breaths, sort out printer issues by myself because IT went home at their contracted finishing time, look for the refreshments trolley that somebody's nicked, scarf down some tea if I'm at home, encourage the cat to go upstairs rather than join the meeting, deal with unexpected Windows updates....

I do not have time to entertain for another three quarters of an hour, make you tea, exchange pleasantries or admit you to the meeting to stare at an empty screen or watch me drink my tea whilst DP is herding cats. And the physical room could still be in use by previous meeting staff waffling after theirs. Five emails telling me you're in the waiting room are not going to be answered if I'm not in there yet myself AND if you're there in person, chances are there's nowhere to put you where you won't be in my way.

Ten minutes early for a coffee is fine. Ten minutes to sort out connection or sound issues is fine. Five minutes early would be better, just turn up and it's perfect timing. You know, military precision - how I plan, organise and time everything to perfection with a brief period for contingencies. BUT NOT NEARLY A FUCKING HOUR EARLY.

I'll be ready, the meeting will start bang on time. Chill your boots and let me get on with what I've got to do without demanding even more of me and getting in the way beforehand.

I try to arrive one on time or within 1 or 2 mins either side, even if it means walking round the block a few times.

Not a big deal if it is a company with a reception area or s bar, as you don't inconvenience anyone then.

MIL always turns up at least an hour earlier than the arranged time, drives me up the wall. Especially as she always insists on coming over early in the morning. I end up having to get up exactly the same time I would do for work on the days she visits, no chance of a lie in. And it's not like she lives that far away, it's an hours drive!