To be annoyed by people being early

[Isittimeformynapyet]

If I arrange to do something at a given time I am always ready. But I'm often inconvenienced by people arriving "virtuously" early.

Should I just be ready early for everything?

I work with a lot of families and visit their homes, 2- 3 mins late seems to be the sweet spot for arrival times if the home owner has young children.

I’m almost always early because I think it’s rude to be late. However depending on the situation depends on what I do about being early. If I’m going to someone’s house I would literally sit in the car around the corner or something until I wasn’t more than 10 minutes early rather than turn up super early because obviously being in a persons home you’re imposing on them with your earliness. However meeting in town or something I’ll just have a little potter around by myself until closer to the time. Tables etc and restaurants I’ll linger elsewhere nearby or at the bar or something until only about 5 minutes before the table is booked, although actually depending on the place as long as you make clear that you don’t expect the food ready early they are happy to seat you and get you extra drinks as it makes them extra money.

A few minutes early or late is neither here no there but 10 + gets annoying.
My dm was like this not so much now think she’s got the message how annoying it was . We used to go to a aerobics class together my house was on the way she’d turn up half a hour early sometimes, if I said anything she’d say shall I go home then . It was annoying if I’d been in work rushed home and was feeding dc getting ready and having to make chat with dm while getting ready . She’d do it other times too sometimes a hour or 2 before the agreed time because she is ‘ready’ . If I was coming to hers and said say I’ll be round at 4pm if it was 2 minutes past id be getting messages asking where are you food would be ready and they’d be eating .

Many people don’t realise than being early is as rude/bad manners as being late. They think they are doing great by being early.

I got a good friend who does this but I have never told her as I don’t want to maker her feel bad.

@VerveClique

There are different conventions for different occasions.

So in the U.K….

Interview - 10 mins early
School - 5 mins early
Most work meetings - dead on time
Meeting a friend for coffee out at a neutral venue - 10 minutes either way
Going for a meal - as per the time booked
Meeting casually at someone’s house - 5-10 minutes late

This is exactly how I operate.

YANBU. It’s the height of rudeness to turn up early to someone’s house. I warn people they’re likely to find me in the nude if they do this. Strangely they haven’t done it for a while.

@DanceItOut

I’m almost always early because I think it’s rude to be late. However depending on the situation depends on what I do about being early. If I’m going to someone’s house I would literally sit in the car around the corner or something until I wasn’t more than 10 minutes early rather than turn up super early because obviously being in a persons home you’re imposing on them with your earliness. However meeting in town or something I’ll just have a little potter around by myself until closer to the time. Tables etc and restaurants I’ll linger elsewhere nearby or at the bar or something until only about 5 minutes before the table is booked, although actually depending on the place as long as you make clear that you don’t expect the food ready early they are happy to seat you and get you extra drinks as it makes them extra money.

Even 10 minutes early at someone’s house is really rude imo. Even 1 minute early is impolite.

I tend to be early because I get really anxious about being late. I do realize that people don't want you round too early for something at their house though so for that I try really hard to be just on time.

I am always ridiculously early for everything but if it is something where they aren’t going to want me that early I normally sit in my car and play on my phone.

It’s actually got to the point where before work meetings I feel like I need to factor in “dicking about on phone in my car” time as I’ve realised this pause helps me get ready and feel prepared.

This is me twitter.com/heyitsmeallib/status/1183824579984154624

I view any arrangements to meet as an appointment - so I strive to be bang on time. If I'm running late I usually let family and mates know 'I'm on my way'. People I know who are generally tardy with time, I ask them to let me know when they're on their way too.

Yes to arriving 5 - 10 mins late to someone’s house for a social event. Good to give the host a little breathing space. Early in this situation is awful.

When meeting out of the house though, on time is the only correct time.

@Nnique

Haven’t RTFT because I hate this so much I have to post straightaway.

I am in the ‘10-15 minutes after stated time’ camp and nothing will ever change my mind. There have been huge bun fights on this on MN and ultimately it’s one of those issues where the two sides are just never going to meet.

I’m cool with whatever people want to do according to what happens in their circles, according to their background/upbringing, class or culture, etc. But as far as I am concerned it’s the absolute height of rudeness to turn up early and only marginally less rude to turn up exactly on time. So it’s lucky that most people tend to mix in circles where most people do the same thing they think of as polite, as we can all just continue doing it our respective ways!

I've never heard anyone before thos say turning up late is the "correct" thing to do.

If I'm invited somewhere for 8 I will he there at 8. If I invited someone for 8 and they turned up at 8.15 I wouldn't be offended but I would probably expect a quick apology/explanation of why they were delayed. It wouldn't cross my mind they were being deliberately late.

If you know that your guests always turn up on time, why don't you just tell them to arrive 15 minutes later than you actually want them, IE when you actually actually want them?

But no one’s complaining about people who turn up on time, so there would be no need to tell people who turn up on time to arrive at a different time to the one you actually want.

It’s people that don’t turn up on time that are a rude and a problem. Early is not on time. It’s early. Adults should not need other adults to patronise them by telling them wrong times to turn up in the hope that they won’t be early.

I'm shocking for being ready early but if I'm picking someone up I'll sit in the car and I wouldnt turn up to someone's home early without knowing them really well.

People being late is what does my head in.

@balalake

At someone house perhaps, because they could be in the bathroom, not fully dressed.

Elsewhere no harm in being early.

Sometimes there is harm in being early elsewhere.

I went out with my friend and her husband for lunch for her big birthday. I got there about 12 minutes early because I knew they are always early. I don’t know how early they were but they’d chosen their meals (not ordered). And her husband made her hurry up because the two hours free parking was about to end when we’d only been there an hour and twenty minutes.
Not a nice birthday celebration for her IMO

But no one’s complaining about people who turn up on time, so there would be no need to tell people who turn up on time to arrive at a different time to the one you actually want.
Yes they are. A PP insists 10-15 minutes late is the polite time to turn up. If I were their friend and I wanted them at 8 I would tell them 7.45 so they arrive on time.

@VerveClique

There are different conventions for different occasions.

So in the U.K….

Interview - 10 mins early
School - 5 mins early
Most work meetings - dead on time
Meeting a friend for coffee out at a neutral venue - 10 minutes either way
Going for a meal - as per the time booked
Meeting casually at someone’s house - 5-10 minutes late

I think this is probably about right.

I hate people being late but if you are coming to my house and arrive early I am likely to be having a last visit to the loo!

@VerveClique

There are different conventions for different occasions.

So in the U.K….

Interview - 10 mins early
School - 5 mins early
Most work meetings - dead on time
Meeting a friend for coffee out at a neutral venue - 10 minutes either way
Going for a meal - as per the time booked
Meeting casually at someone’s house - 5-10 minutes late

Absolutely and completely agree with this

Be on time never early or always late when going to someone's house. They will always appreciate the extra few minutes to get ready. They won't however appreciate it if you are mega early and they are still tidying up.

Many years ago I ditched a driving instructor because he kept turning up early; sometimes as much as half an hour early. I’d be rushing around trying to get ready while he sat on the drive and then, 30 minutes before my session was due to end, he’d be saying it was time to turn around to go home. I’d point out that the booked session had 30 minutes left to run and he’d say ‘Well, I did arrive at five past, so that’s an hour’. He got a bit huffy the first time I’d mentioned it, saying ‘So were you in the middle of something this morning? Just as you mentioned it’ - as if I was the one who’d done something wrong. Well I kept on mentioning it because it kept on happening, until I eventually told him not to turn up at any time.

Well I'm usually late snd people hate that too

@Strugglingtodomybest tbf the gritted teeth is usually because these same people think it’s okay to just randomly turn up without asking first or calling ahead to check if it’s a convenient time for us which is another thing I absolutely can’t stand. Again it’s something that there are two definite camps on - I understand that for a lot of people it’s fine and great to have people milling in and out all the time and ‘my door is always open’ works very well for them but I really don’t like people just turning up at my home and putting me in a position where I’d have to be rude in order to get them to go. And they stay for hours and hours too which I just find so rude and entitled. But that’s another issue altogether really.

The comment about gritting my teeth on arrival on the dot is much more to do with their lack of good manners in other contexts - other more reasonable people who work by that convention get a warm welcome exactly as they would were they to work to the convention I prefer. It’s not a big deal really, is it.

Be clear. You’ll not be available till 3pm