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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Accused of drinking by dh and him sending dc to his mums for safety

351 replies

innocentinallthis · 30/03/2022 18:44

I'm a SAHM and my dh has just got home.
My 3 year old has a book which you use water on a paintbrush and it changes colour to make a picture.
I got a glass out of the cupboard for water for her to dip the paintbrush in, I wanted a small glass so grabbed a square Jack Daniels one that looked sturdy.
Dh came home saw the Jack Daniels glass now empty on the side and came to the conclusion I'd been drinking while looking after the children (I rarely ever drink anyway) and he's taken the children into the lounge insisting I sleep off imaginary drink and called his mother to look after the children while he's at work tomorrow as I've been so irresponsible.
He has looked through the bins for an empty bottle and we are now in different rooms as he won't speak to me until I tell him where the non existent empty bottle is as we don't have alcohol in the house as neither of us drink it.
Just how do you respond? Other than the truth which falls on deaf ears.
He's in such a bad mood mumbling about how unbelievable I am.

OP posts:
Lambanddog · 30/03/2022 20:46

Go to a garage and see if you can find a breathalyser test if they sell them - let him see you and film yourself doing it. Surely you have the paintings? Confused

peachgreen · 30/03/2022 20:47

This is so weird and sinister

Whiskeypowers · 30/03/2022 20:49

Sinister is the word @peachgreen

Ohyesiam · 30/03/2022 20:49

He’s be able to smell it in your breath and you d be legless if you drank even a small bottle as you have low tolerance.
It’s it just a weird manifestation of him being a control freak?

StrawberryLollipops · 30/03/2022 20:50

Please OP - do the breathalyser and tell your mum.
Get her to film you doing it.

Derbee · 30/03/2022 20:50

@hybridoaties

Are you sure he doesn't have plans to leave you and is wanting custody so has created this situation to have his mother back him up as a witness? Ring your mother In law and tell her you will be having the children tomorrow and explain what has happened and ask her to make sure all is well with her son! This is seriously abusive!
I’d be worried about this. It’s such a bizarre reaction to using a glass, there must be something up.

I would ask him about his mental health, and whether someone needs to be contacted tonight, with a view to getting him some sort of immediate help

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/03/2022 20:53

I think going to a police station to discuss the situation is not a bad idea. He’s being strange, potentially abusive. His mother clearly doesn’t believe you. She doesn’t want to get involved but she’s going to turn up tomorrow, isn’t she?

TatianaBis · 30/03/2022 20:53

Is he a drama llama in other ways?

GettingItOutThere · 30/03/2022 20:55

@innocentinallthis

I have spoken to his mum and while she's not taking sides she respects he's doing his duty to his children. So I am now (driving) round to my own mums for a quick sober visit in case anything comes of this. I won't be telling my own mum to save face but at least if she's seen me and he is planning what *@hybridoaties* suggests then I have been seen out and about.
doing what duty?

accusing his sober wife of being drunk and incapable?

if she isnt taking sides she should be refusing to have anything to do with the situation

i sincerely hope she isnt taking the children tomorrrow?

Koigarden · 30/03/2022 20:55

Eh? That’s just weird!

Does he usually do stuff like this? I’m gobsmacked 😶

Original poster
innocentinallthis · 30/03/2022 20:57

Well I've just got back from my parents armed with a breathalyser they had in the camper van from when they went over to France.
His only reaction was "well you won't detect anything now!
I've told his mother not to collect the children tomorrow as I'm taking dd out with my mum, she replied I know he's told me? - Strange because I haven't told him yet! So he'd obviously calmed down and cancelled his arrangement with her.
He's made me a coffee and said sorry! So if I wasn't confused before I am now.

OP posts:
Pinkfluff76 · 30/03/2022 20:58

This is the weirdest thing I have read in a long time! Even your child could tell your husband he’s wrong!!

userxx · 30/03/2022 20:58

Beyond strange. Why would it even occur to him, with you both being more or less non-drinkers. Such an odd accusation.

userxx · 30/03/2022 21:00

Made you a coffee to sober you up ;)

ToffeeMamma · 30/03/2022 21:00

Honestly OP I'd pack bags, take children and leave. This is very controlling behaviour and seems more like he is setting the backdrop for a divorce, these are the manipulative things cheaters are likely to do to get full custody if their kids when they drop the bombshell. I'd seriously think about your kids welfare. if he's trying to make you out to be an unfit parent I'd go to a local chemist buy an alcohol test and get it recorded. Then take them kids and leave. He sounds derranged

ToffeeMamma · 30/03/2022 21:02

He's realised you've seen what he was doing and can't prove things so has backed down. I'd be leaving with those kids asap

cherryonthecakes · 30/03/2022 21:04

Bizarre behaviour by him.

I'd be concerned about his state of mind tbh. If you'd been drinking, you'd smell like it or your dd would be able to say that you had a brown drink in that glass.

Do you have pint glasses in your house that are used for water or anything like that? He's lost his mind.

Wellthisiscrapeh · 30/03/2022 21:05

My trust would be gone after something like that.

There’s something up. What he did is not normal behaviour for anyone.

mangoallergy · 30/03/2022 21:06

Tbh I would take dc go stay with a family or friend. Or get everything documented now, have a good rest and leave tomorrow
At least make sure everything is documented op!

k1233 · 30/03/2022 21:06

If you won't detect any alcohol 2hrs after he went off, then even if you'd had a drink you weren't close to being impaired. He probably didn't expect you to come back with something irrefutable so has to back track.

Queenoftheflumps02 · 30/03/2022 21:07

This is just beyond strange. OP, I would take a photo of the negative breathalyser result, just in case.

Blackbird2020 · 30/03/2022 21:08

What is even more worrying is how your MIL seemed to know your plans before you came home.

In light of the extremely weird controlling behaviour re the JD glass, I’m wondering if he’s managed to get some kind of listening device into your phone….

Surely there has to be more to this. Have you noticed ANYTHING even remotely similar to this before from him?

Takeoutyourhen · 30/03/2022 21:08

This is rather worrying. I hope you can have a conversation with him about his behaviour and jumping to conclusions to erratically. My trust would also be rather dented and I’d be tempted to take the kids and visit my parents.

Icouldabeenalawyer · 30/03/2022 21:08

He's either up to something or his mh is suffering.
Has he seen the colouring book? Has he asked dd?

FromOurHatsToOurFeet · 30/03/2022 21:10

My mother did this to me, more than once, during my A levels and on the rare occasions I came back from uni. Accused me of drinking or smoking or taking drugs and then if I apologised and did X she wouldn't do Y or take Z away from me. She was always drunk at the time and denying she was. Oh the irony.

Keep and eye on your DH. This came from somewhere.