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AIBU?

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Original poster

Accused of drinking by dh and him sending dc to his mums for safety

351 replies

innocentinallthis · 30/03/2022 18:44

I'm a SAHM and my dh has just got home.
My 3 year old has a book which you use water on a paintbrush and it changes colour to make a picture.
I got a glass out of the cupboard for water for her to dip the paintbrush in, I wanted a small glass so grabbed a square Jack Daniels one that looked sturdy.
Dh came home saw the Jack Daniels glass now empty on the side and came to the conclusion I'd been drinking while looking after the children (I rarely ever drink anyway) and he's taken the children into the lounge insisting I sleep off imaginary drink and called his mother to look after the children while he's at work tomorrow as I've been so irresponsible.
He has looked through the bins for an empty bottle and we are now in different rooms as he won't speak to me until I tell him where the non existent empty bottle is as we don't have alcohol in the house as neither of us drink it.
Just how do you respond? Other than the truth which falls on deaf ears.
He's in such a bad mood mumbling about how unbelievable I am.

OP posts:
Regularsizedrudy · 30/03/2022 21:11

Erm why are you not annoyed at him? He accused you of being a drunk (so drunk you were a danger to your kids) and liar. Tell him to fuck off to his mums

AryaStarkWolf · 30/03/2022 21:12

I wouldn't let this go OP, accusing you of lying like that about drinking and getting his mother involved is really out of order

Nothappyatwork · 30/03/2022 21:12

@ThirdElephant

Is he using imaginary alcohol to deflect attention from some misdeed of his own?
My immediate thoughts too
Perdigal · 30/03/2022 21:14

Write yourself a letter with all of this in and pot it addressed to yourself ( fake handwriting) and keep the unopened and dated letter as evidence. Has he got psychosis otherwise his behaviour is alarming .

He is not to take the chlldren anywhere and call the police if needed.

Headabovetheparakeet · 30/03/2022 21:15

Write yourself a letter with all of this in and pot it addressed to yourself ( fake handwriting) and keep the unopened and dated letter as evidence.

Evidence of what?!

Some of the suggestions on this thread are bizarre.

winterchills · 30/03/2022 21:16

Very odd! Why has he over reacted like that! You need to get to the bottom of what the hells going on in his head!!

EKGEMS · 30/03/2022 21:17

I don't know if you need a divorce lawyer or he needs a psychiatrist or both?!

KosherDill · 30/03/2022 21:17

What "duty" does the MIL think he is performing?

It would be a cold day before she'd see me or the kids again with that response.

Does he have form for mental health problems? Is he generally suspicious and paranoid?

I think you need to take the kids and stay with your parents for a while. Mistaking paint water for booze is really off the charts.

Whose Jack Daniels glass is it, btw?

Peasandcabbage · 30/03/2022 21:18

Yeah be very careful op. As others have said, classic set up to premeditate his behaviour. And what's with your mil, if do called mine and said I had a drink she would say and? What she been told previously? Doesn't add up

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 30/03/2022 21:18

To jump from the sight of a whisky themed glass to a hidden bottle (and you having spent the day too drunk to be in charge of children) is not normal (unless one of you or your family is an alcoholic).

Then there is his conviction that you would be doing something unsafe and that you are not a fit parent. Has he reason to doubt you? If not - then this is worryingly odd too.

These things would be so out of character for my DH that I would be making an appointment with a GP (it can take a while to get one) worrying about both mental and physical health.

You seem more concerned about proving your innocence in the matter. Would anyone have reason to doubt you?

Theunamedcat · 30/03/2022 21:19

It's bullshit that it won't detect anything now use it anyway take a picture time and date stamped on the picture

Gets some instock just in case he pulls this shite again

Also watch that film about gaslighting

Herejustforthisone · 30/03/2022 21:21

Has he been drinking?? What a maniac.

I couldn’t live with someone like that, so unprepared to listen to reason and believe a random and very damaging untruth they had concocted about me out of nowhere.

A580Hojas · 30/03/2022 21:22

@innocentinallthis

I've never drunk at home, maybe the odd glass of wine at a restaurant on a rare evening out for a meal but not even that since having dd and breastfeeding. He's just convinced there's no other explanation and using that glass for painting is not believable.
Well if all of this is true then he has some very weird massive problem.

We have a square bottomed whisky glass we keep our sugar for tea/coffee in.

Makeitsoso · 30/03/2022 21:23

Either you are an in denial alcoholic
Or
He is totally off his rocker

There are no more possible explanations. Since you say you rarely drink I can’t think of any sane explanation for his behaviour.

Makeitsoso · 30/03/2022 21:24

@Herejustforthisone

Has he been drinking?? What a maniac.

I couldn’t live with someone like that, so unprepared to listen to reason and believe a random and very damaging untruth they had concocted about me out of nowhere.

Yes. I’d be wondering if he is projecting massively. Like the man having an affair obsessed that their wife is having an affair.
Lastofthecelebrations · 30/03/2022 21:24

Start keeping a diary, you can be sure there will be more ridiculous accusations made...

Winnipeg23 · 30/03/2022 21:25

Definitely do lots of communicating in text, WhatsApp etc spelling it out what's happened...to whoever u need / want to talk to. Also might be worth having a chat with a family lawyer....do you get free legal help on your house insurance? If you have access to a bit of money or ur parents do, it might be worth taking advice. At the end of the day the law is there to protect and he can't use his bullying techniques on it.
What a horrible situation. I really feel for u. I would talk straight with him. Calm and rational. Maybe even record the conversation on your phone privately.
Just my thoughts.

Rockdown2020 · 30/03/2022 21:27

This is hugely manipulative behaviour. Do not continue to engage at all.

I think the key thing here is that he’s asked his mother to come over and look after the DC when you’d not had anything to drink. That seems like providing some form of evidence of from an outside party of your potential misdeeds. Tomorrow when she arrives I’d suggest that his overreaction is a huge concern for you and you’re going to be seeking medical advice for him as he seems to have developed suddenly delusional behaviour. Follow it up via text detailing why you’ve come to this conclusion.

I’ve got this terrible feeling he’s creating a backstory of you neglect for a purpose.

Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese · 30/03/2022 21:27

I'd be fuming if I were you. Agree with PP accusing you of lying (and being a negligent mother) and involving his mother Angry unforgivable! And when you were just trying to do a lovely painting activity with your son Angry

pictish · 30/03/2022 21:30

Yeah…bit worrying that you felt you had to prove your innocence with a breathalyser rather than simply tell him where to go. You’ve just danced to his tune by validating him. I’d have told him to fuck off and leave me alone. He could phone his mum if he likes, the arsehole.

WrongWayApricot · 30/03/2022 21:32

I'd have the right hump. If things like this happened more than once I'd be insisting he be checked out for head injury or psychiatric issues. I'd be telling him he's not safe around the DC if he can't follow basic reasoning.

tkwal · 30/03/2022 21:33

I think you can buy mini breathalysers at pharmacies. Might be too late to go tonight but might be handy to have if there's a next time. Any other suspicious behaviour lately ( by him, obviously)? My first thought was what has he done wrong that he needs to blame you first ?

StaplesCorner · 30/03/2022 21:34

Agree entirely with @pictish - why aren’t you angry? Why put up with this? Are you scared of him? I’d be telling him to go to his mums now! She can have him rather than your DC tomorrow.

Are you seriously going to just shrug “well that was odd” and crack on with the ironing?!

RonSwansonsChair · 30/03/2022 21:34

I'd be very worried about his ulterior motive. Please be careful OP

Bluecatsalltheway · 30/03/2022 21:37

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