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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby travel HUGE argument

382 replies

blinkywinkytime · 30/03/2022 12:00

Posted in wrong topic

Just looking to get other new parents opinions on an ongoing issue!

A 7 month old daughter being taken on a journey to join grandmother in a restaurant for her 60th birthday. Baby would be in the car for 6.5 hours in one day. No option to stay due to having my foster child over the next day so need to be back for that.

My gut feeling is it's too much travelling for her and she screams in car set when awake. Would sleep probably half of each leg of journey. Husband agrees with me.

Other option to meet half way grandmother refusing as it's her special birthday

AIBU ?

OP posts:
ittakes2 · 30/03/2022 15:07

This is not just about your hubby or both of you putting up with a child screaming for hours. It’s about the well being of a screaming child. I have a theory some children who travel poorly are that way as they get car sick but can’t express it. Honestly if a 60 year old can’t understand how miserable that journey is for you kid I am not sure I would bother seeing them going forward.

pussycatunpickingcrossesagain · 30/03/2022 15:11

Husband agrees with me.

It's not an argument if he agrees with you.
It is for him to tell his mother that you and your DC won't be attending/all 3 of you won't be attending due to your childcare and his work commitments.

One phone call sorts this out - and it's for him to make.

SpringIntoChaos · 30/03/2022 15:18

@Beastieboys

My daughter used to travel from Northern England to Northern Germany via Hull a couple of times a year between birth and 3 yrs old on average 24 hrs door to door first trip was at 4 wks old....... No problems at all as she slept most of the way and when she was older made sure to give her a few good runs around when possible and made sure she had a couple of favorite toys/music available

Same 🤷‍♀️

I really don't get all the angst about travelling with children. But, I guess, that's due to being a military family, which meant that if we weren't regularly prepared to travel VERY long distances, we didn't ever get to come home 🤷‍♀️

My kids are now exceptionally resilient and have lived (hence, travelled regularly back and forth from!) some fabulous locations around the globe 🌎😊

LBFseBrom · 30/03/2022 15:23

I wouldn't take such a young baby on a long car journey like that. If I absolutely had to I would let husband drive and sit in the back with the baby so I could see to her needs but it would hardly be a comfortable journey. In any case the little baby is hardly going to be joining in the celebrations much.

Grandma will have to lump it. She presumably has other relatives who can attend more easily.

Crumbleburntbits · 30/03/2022 15:26

@blinkywinkytime ignore all the people saying that they travelled for many hours with babies who were fine. You know your child best and if she’s going to be uncomfortable or miserable, it’s the right thing not to put her through the journey.

Let your MIL make a fuss but keep explaining that you are doing what is best for her grandchild. If she wants to see the baby either she visits you or you visit at a time that is more convenient for an overnight stay.

If she’s really petty and doesn’t speak to you for a while, it will give you some peace! Smile

rwalker · 30/03/2022 15:32

@LBFseBrom

I wouldn't take such a young baby on a long car journey like that. If I absolutely had to I would let husband drive and sit in the back with the baby so I could see to her needs but it would hardly be a comfortable journey. In any case the little baby is hardly going to be joining in the celebrations much.

Grandma will have to lump it. She presumably has other relatives who can attend more easily.

It's just over 3 hours there they say she'll sleep for 1/2 of it so basically 1 1/2 hour in the car awake ,and same on return .
Nelliephant1 · 30/03/2022 15:33

It's more than doable but it seems like you don't want to which is your call but he honest about it.

KarenOLantern · 30/03/2022 15:39

I mean, it won't kill her, but the whole day will be very unpleasant for you, your DH and the baby - and, as PPs have said, a restaurant is hassle with a 7 month old anyway, but after being in the car all day it'll just be downright unpleasant. Which begs the question: what's the point of even doing it? If it's intended to be a nice occasion and it won't be, then call it off and do something that actually will be enjoyable.

I don't know if you've factored stops into your timings, but a 3 hour journey with a baby actually takes at least 4 hours IME when you factor in stops for a nappy change and snack.

toomuchlaundry · 30/03/2022 15:40

@rwalker 1 1/2 hours of baby screaming each way, in what world is that pleasant or indeed safe for the driver.

Not yet a grandparent, but if I was and knew that my grandchild hated being in a car seat and screamed, I would not be expecting my family to come to me (especially when only 60, not exactly old), I would at the very least meet half way.

Original poster
blinkywinkytime · 30/03/2022 15:42

Thanks all. Sorry have been at work.

It would be MIL and her friend. Both healthy so can travel.

Gosh horrible comments about foster child. She's a 3 year old disabled child and we get so many hours respite. She isn't parked off with anyone. We're looking to adopt her and she's a huge part of our family.

Have agreed with husband he will go. Smile

OP posts:
teateaandcoffee · 30/03/2022 15:44

I would be seeing if husband can change his work and have evening off so you could go and stay overnight.
If that’s no possible then I wouldn’t go, personally I would so knackered after a 3 hour car journey to sit and enjoy a meal with a 7 month old, I wouldn’t want to do it then get in the car and come straight back for another 3 hours.
I think either stay the night before or husband should go on his own.
I say that with a child who travelled well at that age, she regularly did 2/3 hour journeys but wouldn’t do it twice in one day, not fair on me either to be knackered and looking after her.

phoenixrosehere · 30/03/2022 15:46

No problems at all as she slept most of the way and when she was older made sure to give her a few good runs around when possible and made sure she had a couple of favorite toys/music available

That’s the thing though. Yours slept most of it so they don’t mind being in the car for a certain amount of time. Mine were happy in the car too but OP’s is not and so are other babies It’s no different than some kids like being in a sling and some not.

Mickarooni · 30/03/2022 15:49

YABU, I took my newborn quadruplets on a 56 day drive and we only took one stop per day for 15 minutes and they turned out fine!!!!!!!!

You’ve taken the comments well, OP. I wouldn’t take an adult on such a long trip just for lunch especially as it’s not even MIL’s actual birthday.

phoenixrosehere · 30/03/2022 15:49

It would be MIL and her friend.

So, just MIL and her friend and her birthday was weeks ago. Yeah, definitely wouldn’t go nor feel an ounce of angst over it and would feel the same way if it was my own mum but she wouldn’t expect such a thing anyway and neither would my own MIL.

VickyEadieofThigh · 30/03/2022 15:51

@NeneValleyGirl

Fly, cut the travel to a quarter.
In their private helicopter, do you mean?

Or do you know that they live close to an airport with direct flights to one close to the destination?

canary1 · 30/03/2022 15:52

Sounds far too long for baby to be in car, for a restaurant trip. I’d barely travel for that long for a long weekend away!

vitahelp · 30/03/2022 15:56

I don't think I'd be keen on a 6.5 hour round trip for a meal even if I didn't have any kids with me. I personally wouldn't do this with a 7 month old, but I'm a bit of a worrier and overthink things so may not be the best person to comment.

MakingMemoriesIsShite · 30/03/2022 15:58

@2bazookas

IME a 7-month old baby can easily sleep through two 3 hour car journeys. Mine often did.

Frankly I'd prioritise Granny's 60'th celebrations over getting back for the fosterchild. Wherever the fosterchild has been parked, those carers can surely keep them a little longer. It's just a day's pay; and Granny might not have all that many more Big Birthdays left, to celebrate.

WTF?!
Shelby2010 · 30/03/2022 15:58

As previous posters said, it is physically possible but will be stressful & unpleasant for all 3 of you. It’s not even as though the baby will be able to crawl/roll around in the restaurant.

If grandma is the sort of person who would put you to that inconvenience then she’s not someone that I would make the effort for.

Send DH for the meal & Grandma can make the journey herself to see the baby another day. Incidentally, would Grandma do the journey as a day trip to visit you?

JudgeJ · 30/03/2022 16:03

@blinkywinkytime

Posted in wrong topic

Just looking to get other new parents opinions on an ongoing issue!

A 7 month old daughter being taken on a journey to join grandmother in a restaurant for her 60th birthday. Baby would be in the car for 6.5 hours in one day. No option to stay due to having my foster child over the next day so need to be back for that.

My gut feeling is it's too much travelling for her and she screams in car set when awake. Would sleep probably half of each leg of journey. Husband agrees with me.

Other option to meet half way grandmother refusing as it's her special birthday

AIBU ?

We frequently drove back from or back to Germany in a day with our children from birth, it really doesn't have to the the problem that MN always seems to make it. It was 5 or 6 hours on each side of the channel.
Thatsplentyjack · 30/03/2022 16:06

I wouldn't. We travelled to just outside Blackpool with ds2 when he was 6 months and he screamed the whole way (we stopped twice on a 3 hour journey). My nerves were in tatters by the end. No way I could have done that journey again the same day, and I wouldn't have out him through it again either.

Thatsplentyjack · 30/03/2022 16:08

We frequently drove back from or back to Germany in a day with our children from birth, it really doesn't have to the the problem that MN always seems to make it. It was 5 or 6 hours on each side of the channel.

Did youbhave any children that screamed the whole time they were in the car? Stressful, dangerous, exhausting and the child really shouldn't be put through that.

Babyvenusplant · 30/03/2022 16:09

I wouldn't

If grandma is that desperate to see the baby then she can make the effort to come and see her another time

Also, good luck with the adoption process

Flippy87 · 30/03/2022 16:11

@yellowsuninthesky

We drove 9 hours to Cornwall when DS was that age

which I would say was irresponsible. Whatever you will claim, you would have been tired by the end and a danger on the roads.

We went to Scotland on holiday when ds was six months old (from the south of England) BUT we stopped in Lancashire overnight, and he didn't scream.

Peak mumsnet
MajorCarolDanvers · 30/03/2022 16:12

Just stop for breaks on the way and problem solved.

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