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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Baby travel HUGE argument

382 replies

blinkywinkytime · 30/03/2022 12:00

Posted in wrong topic

Just looking to get other new parents opinions on an ongoing issue!

A 7 month old daughter being taken on a journey to join grandmother in a restaurant for her 60th birthday. Baby would be in the car for 6.5 hours in one day. No option to stay due to having my foster child over the next day so need to be back for that.

My gut feeling is it's too much travelling for her and she screams in car set when awake. Would sleep probably half of each leg of journey. Husband agrees with me.

Other option to meet half way grandmother refusing as it's her special birthday

AIBU ?

OP posts:

I8toys · 30/03/2022 14:32

I don't hold with this special birthday meal drama. Its not convenient for you and your baby. Baby's comfort comes before a birthday meal.

lifelast · 30/03/2022 14:33

I would not. But then my babies were both dreadful in restaurants anyway so wouldn't take them for a meal either. 6 hours in car plus meal - absolutely no way!

MzHz · 30/03/2022 14:38

@blinkywinkytime

Sorry to drip feed! Actual birthday was weeks ago!

Yes option is husband goes I stay here with her but she wants to see her.

Fucks sake - it’s not even on the day!

Say no, say that it’s not logistically possible and suggest times when you’re free to meet up.

At this rate, the 7M old has a more grown up view than her gm.

Your dm? Or Mil?

MzHz · 30/03/2022 14:39

If you and H are on the same page… LET her rant and rave about it.

My oh is 60 this year and he’s not whiny or precious about his birthday

.. just as well tbh. 🤣

Theblacksheepandme · 30/03/2022 14:40

Sycamoretrees
I think this says more about how much you want to go to be honest. If you wanted to be there you'd find a way to do it

I completely agree with this. If I really want to do something I will find a way. I am also very direct when I don't want to do something. I always say it is best not to make excuses as there's always someone that will find a solution.

yellowsuninthesky · 30/03/2022 14:41

@Nocutenamesleft

Wait. So it’s only 3 hours?

Oh. I’d go for sure. You never know when it’s going to be the last time.

For me memories are way more important than a car Journey. In our family it’s a priority to spend time with each other and we all facilitate that. Even if it means long journeys.

We all travel together if we can to make more memories.

However if that’s not important to you then just say no?

The MIL is 60, not 90.

And you don't "make memories". You either remember something or you don't.

And doing lots of driving with a screaming baby isn't a good idea. And going into a restaurant with a screaming baby isn't a good idea, either.

phoenixrosehere · 30/03/2022 14:42

I'd be saying a definite no to that because possibly 7 hours in car seat plus maybe 3 hours sitting in a high chair pram etc in a restaurant, absolutely no way its so unfair for the baby and for you to unless you enjoy torturing yourself.

This is a really good point. Plus, no idea on how baby would react while at the party. Screaming her head off most of the car ride and then probably being grumpy during the meal and if she isn’t happy during the meal, you’ll have to take her out anyway. Not worth it for a few hours.

Easter is only a few weeks away, plan for a longer trip then and grandma could have some family time with baby in her home.

Hollywolly1 · 30/03/2022 14:43

Your baby and tbh you may do what suits baby and you best,with a restaurant meal and other people there the gm won't have much time to be with baby,the gm seems whiney and only thinking of herself and its very very unfair on your little baby

yellowsuninthesky · 30/03/2022 14:45

We drove 9 hours to Cornwall when DS was that age

which I would say was irresponsible. Whatever you will claim, you would have been tired by the end and a danger on the roads.

We went to Scotland on holiday when ds was six months old (from the south of England) BUT we stopped in Lancashire overnight, and he didn't scream.

Blackberrybunnet · 30/03/2022 14:47

When ours were babies we would drive overnight from south of England to Scotland. They slept most of the time.

LowlandLucky · 30/03/2022 14:48

Baby would be fine, have a break every hour for her to lie flat and kick her legs.

popcorndiva · 30/03/2022 14:48

I think your view would be different of it was your mum's birthday rather than your MIL

Couldn't DH go with baby and stay over? Seems the most sensible solution.

Marvellousmadness · 30/03/2022 14:48

Yabu for asking to meet halfway.
. It is a once off. Your kid will be ok. Just go

Thewindwhispers · 30/03/2022 14:49

I would not even consider it and my mother / MIL would never expect me to. Your daughter would have a horrible time and they’re not supposed to be in car seat for more than an hour at a time, it’s bad for their growth development. They’re quite right to scream! I know a lot of people force their babies to have more car seat / buggy time than is recommended, but there are also a lot of babies with flat heads and development problems… Plus in the restaurant she’s not going to be getting much tummy time/ nap time / stretch time is she! It sounds cruel and selfish of anyone to expect her to go.

I know it’s a ‘big birthday’ but that doesn’t mean your daughter has to have a hideous day. I would flatly refuse and send DH alone as ‘family representative’.

WhatNoRaisins · 30/03/2022 14:49

I've done plenty of long journeys with babies to stay with family or go on holiday. Doesn't mean I'd want to spend 6 hours driving just to go to a meal and then home again.

KittyUnderwear · 30/03/2022 14:49

@Nocutenamesleft

Wait. So it’s only 3 hours?

Oh. I’d go for sure. You never know when it’s going to be the last time.

For me memories are way more important than a car Journey. In our family it’s a priority to spend time with each other and we all facilitate that. Even if it means long journeys.

We all travel together if we can to make more memories.

However if that’s not important to you then just say no?

"making memories"

🤮

Hollywolly1 · 30/03/2022 14:50

Just say doing all that in one day is not good for the little childs back,sitting all day.The thing is if she makes a fuss in restaurant (very high chance)after being in a car that length of time you will have to leave the restaurant anyway.
You are obviously unhappy about the arrangement so don't go,they not thinking about you.
Encourage the husband to go himself and anyway they probably twunts🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

8dpwoah · 30/03/2022 14:51

@UnaOfStormhold

That sounds a lot of time in the car, and a restaurant isn't a great venue for a 7 month old who's been cooped up for hours.

I agree. I'd maybe consider it if the venue was a home for example where baby could get some fresh air and have a good roll round and stretch out and lots of cuddles. But not in a restaurant where you'll be worried about a squiggling child bothering other people so you'll be on edge anyway.

I'm afraid for me it would be a hard no and a tough luck to the relative. Staying over would be different although I'd stay the night before not after.

1forAll74 · 30/03/2022 14:53

Its not really plain sailing, going away with a baby, for long distances in a car, as routines are affected, as in feeding, changing nappies, the potential to be held up on some roads, maybe a lot of crying from a baby, and then taking a baby to a restaurant, and all in one day.

CharlieLo · 30/03/2022 14:55

A lot of driving and petrol expense just to sit in a restaurant! I wouldn't do it. An overnight trip sure, but not just for a meal out.

phoenixrosehere · 30/03/2022 14:55

Couldn't DH go with baby and stay over? Seems the most sensible solution.

Question is if her DH wants to do that. It would still be the same issue with baby screaming in the car regardless of who was driving.

Natty13 · 30/03/2022 15:02

I dont put myself through really stressful situations unless it's for someone who treats me reaaally nicely. Is the birthday girl lovely to you? I am guessing not because where there's a will theres a way and you are not BU to not want to go through all that for someone who has been a dick to you in any way, has had a tantrum and is refusing to compromise.

Agree with others that if you don't want to go, don't go.

PunishmentSnart · 30/03/2022 15:02

@blinkywinkytime

Sorry to drip feed! Actual birthday was weeks ago!

Yes option is husband goes I stay here with her but she wants to see her.

If she wanted to see her that much she would travel to you!

Deos Grandmother live where the meal is taking place?

ittakes2 · 30/03/2022 15:03

I have twins - one child could have done the 6.5hr journey at that age the other child could not go 15mins without vommiting. I suggest hubby goes on his own if she is not willing to compromise for the sake of her 7 month old grandchild.

Retrievemysanity · 30/03/2022 15:07

I wouldn’t even take a slightly older child on that kind of journey when the end of it is further sitting down for a meal rather than a playground or something. My MIL used to want to meet a couple of hours away on boxing days for a meal and I sent DH on his own as my eldest in particular, needed to burn off energy and it wouldn’t be worth the hassle of trying to get her to sit still for a meal after already being in a car for so long.

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