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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby travel HUGE argument

382 replies

blinkywinkytime · 30/03/2022 12:00

Posted in wrong topic

Just looking to get other new parents opinions on an ongoing issue!

A 7 month old daughter being taken on a journey to join grandmother in a restaurant for her 60th birthday. Baby would be in the car for 6.5 hours in one day. No option to stay due to having my foster child over the next day so need to be back for that.

My gut feeling is it's too much travelling for her and she screams in car set when awake. Would sleep probably half of each leg of journey. Husband agrees with me.

Other option to meet half way grandmother refusing as it's her special birthday

AIBU ?

OP posts:
phoenixrosehere · 30/03/2022 16:15

Did youbhave any children that screamed the whole time they were in the car?

I’ve noticed that the majority of people saying this didn’t so seem to be struggling to understand this because of course all babies are seemingly the same and react in the same way despite numerous posts saying otherwise.

rwalker · 30/03/2022 16:24

[quote toomuchlaundry]@rwalker 1 1/2 hours of baby screaming each way, in what world is that pleasant or indeed safe for the driver.

Not yet a grandparent, but if I was and knew that my grandchild hated being in a car seat and screamed, I would not be expecting my family to come to me (especially when only 60, not exactly old), I would at the very least meet half way.[/quote]
Fail to see how going halfway would make it any more pleasant or safer

yellowsuninthesky · 30/03/2022 16:25

Peak mumsnet

in what way? Highlighting the obvious truth that driving for too long makes you tired and therefore a danger to yourself and other road users?

yellowsuninthesky · 30/03/2022 16:26

Fail to see how going halfway would make it any more pleasant or safer

90 minutes is a lot different to 3 hours.

BearimyJeremy · 30/03/2022 16:26

I did a similar drive with DS2 at a similar age and omg never again (not least as he is 12 now :) )

I would have driven off the side of the road just to make the noise stop. He was fine like you say to sleep for a bit but then awake, shuffling, crying, needing changing... it just isn't practical in my opinion.

My prefered option would be to leave the baby with your partner and go alone. I know relatives would probably love to see your daughter but the day is about your gran and it means she is centre stage, not being distracted by a potentially fussy and grumpy baby and you can focus on her and catching up with your other family.

I agree with other posters just because your child was an angel in the car doesn't mean all are! Only you know your daughter's (and your own) tolerance OP.

yellowsuninthesky · 30/03/2022 16:27

And the northern England to northern Germany via Hull presumably involved an overnight ferry. OK you might not get that much sleep, but there's a chance of it in a cabin.

Poachedeggs1 · 30/03/2022 16:36

I think YABU. 3 hours drive each way is not unreasonable. Factor in a couple of stops to get them out the car seat. Sit in the back with them if you think they’re going to be unsettled. In the restaurant they’ll be out and in a high chair presumably, so just take toys, dummies, blankets, whatever you need. A buggy that lies flat if they’re going to be sleeping. Asking someone to change their special birthday plans is pretty selfish. Like a pp said, if there’s any family you can leave the baby with, then just go alone.

roarfeckingroarr · 30/03/2022 16:44

It's a lot. It would depend on how much I liked the relative!

Benes · 30/03/2022 16:45

@yellowsuninthesky

We drove 9 hours to Cornwall when DS was that age

which I would say was irresponsible. Whatever you will claim, you would have been tired by the end and a danger on the roads.

We went to Scotland on holiday when ds was six months old (from the south of England) BUT we stopped in Lancashire overnight, and he didn't scream.

Haha don't be ridiculous.

We took lots of breaks and shared the driving. We're not idiots!!

Benes · 30/03/2022 16:47

@yellowsuninthesky

Peak mumsnet

in what way? Highlighting the obvious truth that driving for too long makes you tired and therefore a danger to yourself and other road users?

'Peak mumsnet' because you clearly popped your judgy pants on today.
Hasselhoffsheadband · 30/03/2022 16:54

We did quite a few long car journeys with DD at that age, including a 14 hour journey to another country, so its definitely doable. But she was pretty happy in her car seat, a good sleeper and it was never that bad. If your baby already screams in the car seat when awake and you don't think she will handle it then don't do it, just say that it's too much for the baby.

VickyEadieofThigh · 30/03/2022 16:55

@phoenixrosehere

Did youbhave any children that screamed the whole time they were in the car?

I’ve noticed that the majority of people saying this didn’t so seem to be struggling to understand this because of course all babies are seemingly the same and react in the same way despite numerous posts saying otherwise.

When I drove our last adopted dog home, it was 2 hours of unrelenting wailing. It was hell on earth.

How it would be with a child for 3 hours each way in one day defies belief.

Benjispruce5 · 30/03/2022 17:01

Just don’t go. It’s too long in a car for anything for just a meal! Send flowers.

DarcyBlue · 30/03/2022 17:08

No way would I do this. It's not fair on the baby. The grandmother must be off her rocker to be annoyed that you aren't up for this.

LaurenKelsey · 30/03/2022 17:15

Who was the huge argument with, your grandmother? I would never have expected or even wanted my children to drive that distance with a baby for my birthday dinner and I’m past my 60th. Just say NO to this and don’t argue. Make YOUR decision and stick to it. She’ll have to get over it.

phoenixrosehere · 30/03/2022 17:19

*When I drove our last adopted dog home, it was 2 hours of unrelenting wailing. It was hell on earth.

How it would be with a child for 3 hours each way in one day defies belief.*

I couldn’t handle that and neither could my DH. Our oldest is 7, autistic and he loves car rides and is used to them but when we travel long distances there’s always episodes of high pitch squealing where we have to pull over on the side of the road or stop at one of the break places until we can calm him. When he was a baby, no issues whatsoever. It wasn’t until he was maybe 4 or 5 when it started. In-laws know this so they know some trips may take longer than others or DH will go alone. He’s getting better but it’s still considering how he’s going to react and balancing whether or not we should risk wider family events (depends a lot on locations) and how to go about it. He does have ear defenders and headphones to help but he has just started wearing them the last month after almost a year of trying.

maddy68 · 30/03/2022 17:25

Go the night before. Stop over in a hotel. Break up the journey or just do it. She will be fine

NdefH81 · 30/03/2022 17:30

The baby could do it obviously
But more

What a horrible day!

And more importantly…you have a foster child over tomorrow. You don’t want to be tired for that

BoredZelda · 30/03/2022 17:30

I’ve done it. I wouldn’t do it again.

EmilyEmmabob · 30/03/2022 17:36

When DS was a baby I would have ended up doing this journey because I was terrible at saying no. I know there are a lot of posters on here who have travelled for very long distances with their DC but in most of those situations your destination was a holiday or home. This is a restaurant and then a journey back, much different! Nowadays I just wouldn't do it, DC would be miserable and it just isn't a viable situation for anyone. I'd happily leave DC with a babysitter and then do the journey in the day but in your situation I'd be making arrangements on a day where it would be more convenient and you can stay over night/spilt up the journey.

Bunnycat101 · 30/03/2022 17:36

So much depends on what your children are like in the car.

One of mine was great and would happily snooze and have a look out the window. Would have no issue doing long journeys with her. The other one of mine was awful as she basically screamed the please down and often projectile vomited. She refused to sleep in the car so became an increasingly overtired mess. Car journeys with her were bloody hideous and in some ways lockdown came at a good point for her as it meant fewer car journeys at her worst. She’s much better at 3 but I could not have done 6 hours in the car with her in one day.

I would imagine the smug/dismissive posters on her have a child like my first. It’s easy to be chilled about long journeys if you don’t have a screamer.

TwilightSkies · 30/03/2022 17:37

DD1 would have been ok. DD2 absolutely not, she screamed as soon as she was put in the car seat and would end up in a complete mess with all the crying.
You know your baby, you know whether it will be worth the stress or not.
Make your choice and stick to it. I don’t understand why adults make such a fuss over birthdays. If you don’t want to go, just FaceTime or something on the day.

Rosebel · 30/03/2022 17:49

If your husband is finishing work at 9 the night before why not go then? Baby will sleep on the way and it'll probably be quieter on the road.
You obviously just don't want to go as there are options and that's okay. Just don't go and see grandmother another time. Although not sure how you'll see her another time as presumably the same issues will still be there.

KarenOLantern · 30/03/2022 17:54

I know there are a lot of posters on here who have travelled for very long distances with their DC but in most of those situations your destination was a holiday or home.

That's how I see it too. I did much longer car trips when my DD was that age but we were absolutely wiped out the next day and then had several days to recover and enjoy ourselves before the trip back. A long, tiring, uncomfortable car journey to a destination that will also be boring for the baby and stressful for the parents (a restaurant), only to get back in the car and do the stressful journey again... why? If it was for something urgent or unavoidable like a funeral or someone was in hospital then you'd just do what you've got to do, but a birthday meal is supposed to be enjoyable and it will quite simply be the opposite of that.

toomanydogsandcats · 30/03/2022 17:57

My parents drive from London to Greece to Afghanistan and back when I was 1 month old I can't really get my head around these neurosis. Some qomwn give birth and are back picking coconuts with a sling the next day.

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