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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby travel HUGE argument

382 replies

blinkywinkytime · 30/03/2022 12:00

Posted in wrong topic

Just looking to get other new parents opinions on an ongoing issue!

A 7 month old daughter being taken on a journey to join grandmother in a restaurant for her 60th birthday. Baby would be in the car for 6.5 hours in one day. No option to stay due to having my foster child over the next day so need to be back for that.

My gut feeling is it's too much travelling for her and she screams in car set when awake. Would sleep probably half of each leg of journey. Husband agrees with me.

Other option to meet half way grandmother refusing as it's her special birthday

AIBU ?

OP posts:
Butteryflakycrust83 · 30/03/2022 13:57

Tbh it just sounds like a stressful day all round, so I would just say no and aim to see her another time where you can make bit more of a trip with it. Send her some lovely flowers etc?

Nocutenamesleft · 30/03/2022 14:03

@blinkywinkytime

Posted in wrong topic

Just looking to get other new parents opinions on an ongoing issue!

A 7 month old daughter being taken on a journey to join grandmother in a restaurant for her 60th birthday. Baby would be in the car for 6.5 hours in one day. No option to stay due to having my foster child over the next day so need to be back for that.

My gut feeling is it's too much travelling for her and she screams in car set when awake. Would sleep probably half of each leg of journey. Husband agrees with me.

Other option to meet half way grandmother refusing as it's her special birthday

AIBU ?

Have a break every couple of hours

That’s what was recommended when my first was a baby. We had to drive for 7 hours

We had a break every 3 hours

Jobs a gooden

pussycatunpickingcrossesagain · 30/03/2022 14:04

Wailing and distressed child v wailing granny?
🤔

DH does the trip alone and gets granny to face time (on mute) a sleeping child.✔

DisforDarkChocolate · 30/03/2022 14:07

That's far too long. By the time you add in proper stops you'll barely have time for a meal.

If it's important to Grandma she can show that by meeting half way or coming to see you.

Bookworm20 · 30/03/2022 14:07

Tricky one. 3 hours can be done if you try and time it when baby naps and allow for a short break each hour if they are not asleep, but if you have a car screamer it will be an absolute nightmare.

Is going by train an option? And taxi from train station, so much shorter than in the car the whole way?

Alternatively if one of you sat in back with baby to keep them amused when awake? Does that help the screaming?

But end of the day you know your baby and if you think it would be too much of a nightmare, then just say its really not an option. Its a long way to travel just for a meal.

BlackeyedSusan · 30/03/2022 14:07

Presumably kid wails because they are unhappy or in pain. Why would you deliberately do that to a kid when it is avoidable?

diddl · 30/03/2022 14:07

If you don't want to go then don't.

C152 · 30/03/2022 14:08

YANBU. And you are totally right - it doesn't matter whether other people think you are being unreasonable or not; you and your DH have made the decision and that's the end of it. Others don't have to agree, but they should keep their complaints to themselves; it isn't their baby or their long journey.

FWIW, I would have felt that was too much when my child was that age. We had to visit in-laws that, on a good day, was 2 hours each way. It was very rarely a good day, so we had to factor in at least one 20min break, so the baby could get out of the car seat, stretch, move around, have a drink etc. In reality, with the break, it usually took 3 hours each way. We very rarely did the trip because of this and in-laws refused to visit us.

phoenixrosehere · 30/03/2022 14:13

I wouldn’t if my child was a screamer when it came to the car. Plus, that would be a distraction in the car depending how long your baby would cry and could make for unsafe driving. Mines always looked around and/or fell asleep in the car. The youngest still falls asleep in the car and he’s four. We did journeys like that when our son and then sons were that age but not for one day. DH would go alone and grandma would just have to accept it. Perhaps, a weekend trip could be planned for a later date or maybe visiting for Easter?

NeedleNoodle3 · 30/03/2022 14:13

I would be fine with that, I used to do this length journeys regularly when my DC were babies, I used to hate staying over at people’s houses so would do West Country visits in one day. We also regularly did UK holidays that were about 7 hours away to places like the Lake District. I live in the South East.

Nocutenamesleft · 30/03/2022 14:14

Wait. So it’s only 3 hours?

Oh. I’d go for sure. You never know when it’s going to be the last time.

For me memories are way more important than a car Journey. In our family it’s a priority to spend time with each other and we all facilitate that. Even if it means long journeys.

We all travel together if we can to make more memories.

However if that’s not important to you then just say no?

wordler · 30/03/2022 14:14

It's probably not going to be as bad as you are imagining but then again it could still be quite hard.

If it was me I'd go - 3 hours each way is nothing where we live (in the USA) we did a 9 hour one-way trip with DD when she was 8 weeks old, and then again when she was 6-months old. Plus 8-hour plane rides with 3-hour car rides on the end when she was 5 months old and then again 9-months old.

Parts of those journeys were hard - I would sit in the back with her while DH drove - trying to soothe her if she cried.

The really bad years were the toddler ones though where she was used to being more mobile and we were potty training!

The bonus is now 10 years later we have a child who copes with ten-hour car journeys, and 8-hour flights without (much) complaining.

saraclara · 30/03/2022 14:16

Everyone demanding the Grandma does the travelling, seems to be assuming that only OP and her DH are celebrating with her. If it's a big birthday celebration at a restaurant, I would imagine that there will be a few other guests at the very least. Also rescheduling would meet the same problems re other guests.

I'd simply say to her that her much loved GC will be miserable with a journey that long, and consequently not be on form at the restaurant either, so GM won't get any quality time with her. So DH goes, and you invite GM down for a couple of days so she can properly enjoy her GC.

SnackSizeRaisin · 30/03/2022 14:16

Just over 3 hours each way. Stop halfway for a nappy change and feed if needed

So that would be set off 8am. Arrive at 12. Have lunch for 2 hours. Home at 6pm. Assuming no delays. Doesn't sound much fun for anyone!

Hankunamatata · 30/03/2022 14:19

I think your mad doing 6.5 round trip in one day.

Afterallsbeensaidanddone · 30/03/2022 14:21

How demanding. No, baby doesn't need to be there as baby wouldn't like it.

I8toys · 30/03/2022 14:22

YANBU waste of time and too long just for a meal.

Branleuse · 30/03/2022 14:23

Its not just for a meal though is it. Its to celebrate with your mother in law.

Hollywolly1 · 30/03/2022 14:25

I'd be saying a definite no to that because possibly 7 hours in car seat plus maybe 3 hours sitting in a high chair pram etc in a restaurant, absolutely no way its so unfair for the baby and for you to unless you enjoy torturing yourself.
Do a video call while the family are doing the cake and candles as your baby will be happier.
Some people just think of themselves but how about you let alone the child

ddl1 · 30/03/2022 14:27

I think that if you think this will be too much for the baby, then you are probably right. Some babies don't mind long car journeys or are even soothed by them, but many are stressed out by them, and therefore stress everyone else out!

If you could stay overnight, that might be a solution; but it sounds as though this isn't possible between your dh's job and your foster child.

I would sympathize with the grandmother's reluctance to meet half-way if she found travel difficult for health reasons, but not just 'But it's about my Special Birthday!'

BestZebbie · 30/03/2022 14:28

Could you take baby down in the car the day before and stay over, husband gets a taxi/cycles to work that day wfh to allow you to do so, then joins you by train the next morning?

HiJenny35 · 30/03/2022 14:29

People saying they did it when there children were little is totally irrelevant, times change, knowledge changes, current SIDS recommendation is no more than 2 hours in a car seat at any one time and frequent stops to get baby out. You can't do that so end of. She's an adult, she'll cope.
www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/car-seats-and-sids/#:~:text=There%20is%20no%20published%20evidence,should%20be%20taken%20out%20frequently.

EmbarrassingMama · 30/03/2022 14:29

So there’s no option for you to stop halfway to change the baby but there is an option to stop halfway and have a full lunch for (I’m guessing) your husband’s mum?

KittyUnderwear · 30/03/2022 14:30

Some people don't half like to make a drama about things.

60th birthday - nice, but really not that big a deal. Plus she's already had her birthday. And in any case, it's only another year older.

Long journey for 7 month old - possible, but not particularly desirable, and not necessary in this case.

Granny wants to see baby - Granny needs to make at least some of the effort, in that case. She's 60, not 90!

Flippy87 · 30/03/2022 14:31

@Sycamoretrees

I think this says more about how much you want to go to be honest. If you wanted to be there you'd find a way to do it
Yeh this, you clearly just don’t want to go
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