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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How many times should I be having sex?!

110 replies

strawberrysurprise · 29/03/2022 23:13

Stupid question..

How many times is the 'ideal' amount you should be having sex to conceive?

Extremely naive - I've been ttc but only having sex 3-4 times a month and only during my 'ovulation week'. Wondering if I'm literally just not having enough sex!!

Am I being unrealistic? How many times is the ideal amount?

OP posts:

AtrociousCircumstance · 29/03/2022 23:14

I’d say every day in your fertile period and a good few times outside of it too!

CornishGem1975 · 29/03/2022 23:15

2-3 times a week is enough.

365sleepstogo · 29/03/2022 23:18

Wondering if I'm literally just not having enough sex!!

Yep!

elenacampana · 29/03/2022 23:18

It took us two years to conceive. We finally did when we started just having sex regularly regardless of the ‘fertile window’.

ImInStealthMode · 29/03/2022 23:18

Well once is enough, as long as it's the right one! I'd say 3-4 times in the window should be enough though.

Without meaning to pry into details, is there a medical / physical / mutual agreement / matching low libidos / other reason for only having sex in your fertile window?

If it's an intimacy / relationship issue that means you're not having sex 'just for fun' I'd be concerned that now might not be the best time to TTC?

MajorCarolDanvers · 29/03/2022 23:20

When I was undergoing fertility treatment I was told at least every second day

2ndTimeRound90 · 29/03/2022 23:23

Both times I conceived we were DTD every other day from my period ending until basically it was due again, and also a few days in a row around ovulation. If you are using an app to predict ovulation it may be inaccurate and you may ovulate earlier or later than predicted

caringcarer · 29/03/2022 23:26

Get the ovulation sticks. Every other day and every day at ovulation time sounds good to me.

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 29/03/2022 23:31

I hated ovulation sticks, they killed my sex life and made me really upset that I hadn’t conceived after doing it “at the right time”. When I stopped using them and had sex every other day pretty much we conceived.

SouperNoodle · 29/03/2022 23:31

DD2 it was our first time trying and we were so excited that it was multiple times every day in the fertile window. Looking back it was totally unnecessary to do it that much but we conceived so I can't complain.

DD2 we just did it the once.

LibrariesGiveUsPower · 29/03/2022 23:35

Every other day in fertile period I believe is the ideal. So two three times a week max.

Original poster

strawberrysurprise · 29/03/2022 23:38

Thanks everyone!

@ImInStealthMode I have endo and sex tends to hurt. We do have sex outside of fertile window but we've only recently started ttc. I'm also terrified of 'failure' and not ending up falling pregnant so atm sex isn't fun as I'm constantly worrying about my fertility due to doctors having a couple of concerns regarding my endo. I want to get pregnant so bad but I'm terrified of it not happening so it does put me off putting my all into it incase I fail. Hope this makes sense!

OP posts:

JamSandwich89 · 29/03/2022 23:40

When DH and I were TTC we ignored what week it was in terms of my cycle and just had more sex in general. 4+ times a week, so I guess that's about every second day at least.

KenAdams · 29/03/2022 23:41

You don't have to have full sex for the whole time though, you just need go finish there which might help with the endo pain?

RoseGoldEagle · 29/03/2022 23:43

I was told by a fertility consultant that every day during your fertile period is fine if your partner doesn’t have any problems with their sperm (and if you’ve got the energy )If they do have issues then every other day is better. Be sure you’re not missing your fertile window though- I read so much when I was TTC and with DC3, the time we got pregnant would, according to text books, be a very unlikely chance, but it happened. So I’d go for every day or every other in the lead up to and for a few days after ovulation, and then maybe a few times a week (or more!) for good measure the rest of the time.

Original poster

strawberrysurprise · 29/03/2022 23:46

@KenAdams

We do try to do it that way but I feel so embarrassed by the pain so try to just put up with it instead. I can't confidently blame the pain solely on endo either as I didn't used to have a problem. I think a lot is psychological as I have such low self esteem.

OP posts:

MuggleMadness · 29/03/2022 23:46

Apparently every other day is most likely to achieved the desired state! Keeps the swimmers refreshed & eager!

But if it's too uncomfortable just do it when you are in the mood, don't make yourself, I don't think that's ideal for conception. (Physically or emotionally). If it's less painful, you could always try the Turkey baster at home!

Original poster

strawberrysurprise · 29/03/2022 23:49

@MuggleMadness

I think every other day is what the majority of people are suggesting. I'm hoping the more I can get in to it the less it will hurt. It just always puts me off with the thought of it hurting which obviously leads to it hurting!

OP posts:

Isonthecase · 29/03/2022 23:50

Mild endo can result in ovulating at weird times, it's worth doing it a bit more often if you can. I found as mine got worse I tended to ovulate much earlier.

Original poster

strawberrysurprise · 29/03/2022 23:52

@Isonthecase

Thank you this is very good to know. I do try to monitor/guess when I'm ovulating via cm and my app. The cm does tend to appear earlier than my app suggests too so I wonder if I'm the same.. xx

OP posts:

Original poster

strawberrysurprise · 29/03/2022 23:53

I think it probably is me being naive and expecting to get pregnant through little sex.

I am terrified that I will have fertility issues due to the endo and the issues I have and I just can't face it so I don't put every effort into it so I can't be heartbroken. Instead I stupidly think if I slightly try and it doesn't work then it wasn't my fault!

OP posts:

ImInStealthMode · 30/03/2022 07:36

Hi @strawberrysurprise, it does make sense, and that sounds stressful. Try not to put too much pressure on yourselves though.

I hope you didn't think I was out of line asking x

SartresSoul · 30/03/2022 07:39

At least 3 times a week. We did it every other day when TTC regardless of fertile window.

Ginfilledcats · 30/03/2022 08:15

The chances of getting pregnant are 1:25 per cycle apparently even if you don't have problems such as endo, which blew my mind when I was first trying to conceive (I do blame a Catholic upbringing for that and being basically told if I even looked at a penis I'd fall pregnant) it can take couples with no fertility issues up to a year to conceive too. For me it was 9m, 6m and then with this one 1 night of way too much drinking lol. So don't put pressure on yourself if you can try not to.

Every other day is best they say. Read up on Sperm Meets Egg too that will help.

I hope you have success quick but you'll need to have more sex!

If it helps my friend is practically house bound by Endo it's so horrendous and had no problem falling pregnant super quickly with all 3 of hers, so there's hope! X

Underfrighter · 30/03/2022 08:30

I thought every other day was the advice. I found I was ovulating much earlier than I thought I was so wath out for that.

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