How many times should I be having sex?!

[strawberrysurprise]

Stupid question..

How many times is the 'ideal' amount you should be having sex to conceive?

Extremely naive - I've been ttc but only having sex 3-4 times a month and only during my 'ovulation week'. Wondering if I'm literally just not having enough sex!!

Am I being unrealistic? How many times is the ideal amount?

I fully recommend opks and temping. I have PCOS which has been all over the place but generally my cycles are around the 30-36 day mark now. Here's my TTC history:

Baby 1: 6 years of tracking using an app. Cycles could be 100+ days though. Finally fell pregnant accidentally when we'd given up.

Baby 2: Two years of trying. Cycles were more regular but it was hard to pinpoint ovulation as it wasn't regular. We missed it most months. Fell pregnant randomly one month after saying to DH "ooh I think I'm ovulating, let's give it a go". Ended up losing the baby at 19 weeks.

Baby 3: Was desperate to get pregnant after loss. Used opks, Ovusense, tracked cm, had sex 3-5 times over fertile period and every other day around it. Fell pregnant the 2nd month.

I wish I'd knuckled down on it years ago but I always thought getting pregnant was difficult for me. When I put my mind to it and really tried, it wasn't that hard.

I honestly can't thank you all enough.

In my (fantasy land) brain I thought I'd have unprotected sex a couple of times during ovulation and end up pregnant. As there's such a small window to get pregnant in I assumed that if I timed that right by my app I couldn't possibly not fall pregnant!!

Then when my endo was confirmed and a tube issue I have basically had a breakdown and now feel that sex is pointless as I'll end up being infertile anyway! Googled the tube issue which seemed to be full of problems regarding fertility. Fast forward to me crying during sex as what's the point? I'll be infertile anyway.

Thank you all for reading my endless streams of 'pity me' (im not wanting pity but im aware it does come across like that at times). Everyone has helped me so much.

Your DH needs to do the deed a couple of times before your fertile week in order to refresh his sperm. If you’re having sex at the start of your fertile window and he hasn’t ejaculated for the last three weeks, then his sperm count/morphology etc is likely to be low.

@Decaffe

Your DH needs to do the deed a couple of times before your fertile week in order to refresh his sperm. If you’re having sex at the start of your fertile window and he hasn’t ejaculated for the last three weeks, then his sperm count/morphology etc is likely to be low.

Meaning that that particular TTC would be a ‘waste,’ in a way. Therefore get DH to sort himself out a few days before your fertile window

@Decaffe

Again - I never knew that! I thought (in the least gross way possible!) that by waiting it would be saving the 'best'. God I'm naive 😂😂

About 7-9 times a weekwhen we were actively trying, regardless of 'windows'...took about 6 weeks 😆

I appreciate that's possibly not very helpful...I would say daily either side of your most fertile period would probably help if you can manage it.

I ovulated so much earlier than I thought I did during the month I conceived.
So as much as you think you know your ovulation window, sometimes it’s not when you think.
Even the discharge was at the wrong time of the month! Was so strange.
Best way to do it is have sex every other day of the month. Then you’ll give yourself the best opportunity x

I couldn’t get pregnant for a year. Until one month I got really fed up, we had sex once and I got finally pregnant

We used to try to have sex every other day for about a 7-10 day period around where fertility friend suggested ovulation may occur. We would occasionally have sex at other times in the month too like.

How are you tracking your fertile period? I used a period tracking app for ages and eventually bought ovulation strips and realised that I wasn't actually fertile when it said I would be. I conceived much later in my cycle than you'd expect with both kids.

@Geezabreak82

How are you tracking your fertile period? I used a period tracking app for ages and eventually bought ovulation strips and realised that I wasn't actually fertile when it said I would be. I conceived much later in my cycle than you'd expect with both kids.

Or maybe I conceived earlier in my cycle than expected? It was so long ago, and there's been so many nights of broken sleep since then that I can't remember! Either way we definitely conceived both children on a date my period tracker suggested that I would not be fertile!

I managed to conceive within 2 months just having sex on weekends due to dh working away midweek

What has your GP/gynaecologist actually advised? Have you talked to them about the painful sex? There could be options for pain like womens physio and psychosexual counselling if needed. Or do you need the endo treating?

Just to give you a positive story, I had endo (cyst etc) and my gynae told us to go away and try for a while and to come back if no joy. So I was looking forward to sex every other day for a few months and got pregnant the first month. Felt short changed lol I did cheat with an ovulation stick though. I had read so much doom and gloom on the internet I had resigned myself to a long hard journey.
I do feel for people where it's more difficult and don't wish to brag but think it's also important to remember there are positive stories and you don't really know until you try.

The amount of times you have sex doesn’t matter but how many times he ejaculates does. During month good to do it often - week you are ovulating he should abstain for 2-3 days to build up from memory.

@timeforteaforyouandme

This is the type of story I need to hear! 😂

Basically I had a cyst in my pelvis (not ovaries just a general pelvic cyst) that was an endometrial cyst. Also discovered my endo on the scan but he didn't seem overly worried. Then I got told they think I have fluid on/in one of my tubes which I've never heard of and to continue ttc naturally before I have a lap. Been told the wait for the lap can be a long time so just to see how I go.

Ive then came home and interpreted all of this (via Google research) that I will have great trouble with the tube issue alone, nevermind the endo. The doctor didn't explain things particularly well to me either so I've just been left with my overactive brain and Google.

[quote strawberrysurprise]@Decaffe

Again - I never knew that! I thought (in the least gross way possible!) that by waiting it would be saving the 'best'. God I'm naive 😂😂[/quote]
Nope, all wrinkly old men who couldn't break into an egg if their life depended on it 😂

We were doing it in the 5 days across my ovulation period which I had tracked using an app. Nothing was happening so I tried using ovulation sticks and found out I was probably ovulating two or three days later than I thought. We shifted the activity and I got a BFP last month.
I have a toddler so don't have the time or energy to be doing it throughout the whole month!!!

@SleepingStandingUp
😂😂😂😂

@strawberrysurprise

Thanks everyone!

@ImInStealthMode I have endo and sex tends to hurt. We do have sex outside of fertile window but we've only recently started ttc. I'm also terrified of 'failure' and not ending up falling pregnant so atm sex isn't fun as I'm constantly worrying about my fertility due to doctors having a couple of concerns regarding my endo. I want to get pregnant so bad but I'm terrified of it not happening so it does put me off putting my all into it incase I fail. Hope this makes sense!

I have stage 3 endo and managed to get pregnant about 4 months after we started trying. I had had a laparoscopy a year before and spent 6 months before getting pregnant in the medical menopause.

I wish you all the best of luck! My endo has come back after having my DD so sex is painful for me too again and it's not very nice feeling x

spermmeetseggplan.com/smep-step-by-step/

I found this useful

[quote strawberrysurprise]@Stath

I have had a look thank you. I'm worried that cbd lube might prevent conception? I don't know - I'm clueless about things like this!! But it will be worth a try for the pain alone I think.

Interesting regarding orgasm prior to sex - I thought the opposite would be better! Thank you xx[/quote]
Your struggles are just like mine. I honestly cannot recommend the preseed lube enough (from my previous post). I used to insert in the bathroom away from DH before initiating sex so that it wasn’t weird for me adding further anxiety to the situation using the applicator in front of him on the bed and I can honestly say it made things so much better and it was the best decision I’ve ever made. There was still the initial pain / me clamping up but it made things a lot better.

We did every other day the week leading up to, including and a couple or days the other side of the ovulation window. Good sperms takes a couple of days to regenerate and can last in your body a few days anyway.

@kaleidoscope123

Thank you so much - I'm going to order it tonight.

Clamping up is EXACTLY what I do, it's so embarrassing too!

If you don't mind me asking - what were your problems down to? Psychological or endo/other gyno ? Xx

Psychological, I have anxiety and once you are in a cycle of knowing it hurt last time (ironically probably due to not making enough of my own lubricant / think I suffer from dryness down there) then you automatically clamp up from fear of the pain / feeling broken and uncomfortable in front of partner. It gets much easier once you can ‘relax’ but forcing yourself to relax makes you more anxious and then you clamp up so I know how frustrated you feel. The lube is a real godsend and I can’t tell you how much it improved things. I think also knowing that the lube will help also gives you confidence so are less anxious.