Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I in the wrong?

117 replies

CouldOfHadClass · 28/03/2022 20:26

NC, keep it brief just wanted to know if you thought a child was taking pictures/videos of you’re child, would you demand them to go through all of their photos/videos in front of you to prove your child was not in any of them?
YABU- it’s not fine, the parent should of been informed/given permission to go through child’s phone
YANBU- ofcourse it’s fine, my child’s safety is priority

OP posts:
HellToTheNope · 28/03/2022 20:27

More context is needed. Much more.

gamerchick · 28/03/2022 20:28

Well I'd think it was weird but you've provided no context.

PineappleRingo · 28/03/2022 20:28

Eh? Confused

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 28/03/2022 20:29

How can we say if you're in the wrong when you haven't given any information about what you did?

Turningpurple · 28/03/2022 20:29

Yeah not enough. Where did this happen, do the kids know eachother, do the parents etc

Was there any need to 'demand' anything rather than just asking first. How far back through photos did they go?

Loads of details will change this.

FiveForAPound · 28/03/2022 20:29

Well no but there is a lot of detail missing.

How old are they? Are they friends? What sort of photos? Were there any adults there? Why 'demand' rather than ask them?

Brideandprejudice · 28/03/2022 20:30

@AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair

How can we say if you're in the wrong when you haven't given any information about what you did?
Exactly
Sparklingbrook · 28/03/2022 20:30

keep it brief
This is a problem.

user1471457751 · 28/03/2022 20:30

You have no right to go through a person's phone and it is inappropriate to pressure a child you don't know to show you their phone

IncompleteSenten · 28/03/2022 20:30

Really depends.
For that sort of reaction I'd expect there to be a risk to the child if their photo was shared say on FB or whatever kids use. Eg the child and mother have fled abuse

IncompleteSenten · 28/03/2022 20:31

Posted too soon. And the mother panicked and that's why they acted that way.

AHungryCaterpillar · 28/03/2022 20:31

Why would someone care if their child was in pics?

gamerchick · 28/03/2022 20:32

I do that that if an adult demanded to go through my kids phone, they're in danger of being given a very loud mouthful though.

GrazingSheep · 28/03/2022 20:34

Depends

Original poster
CouldOfHadClass · 28/03/2022 20:35

Knew I wouldn’t get away with just that, worth a try eyGrin
Group of girls, ages 9 to 11, all friends (most the time). They were all playing out together, one child had their phone with them, the other girls thought the said child was taking pictures/videos of them, so one of them went home upset to tell her mum, who demanded the child with the phone (who actually hadn’t taken any pictures or videos) to go through their entire picture album/videos/deleted

OP posts:
Original poster
CouldOfHadClass · 28/03/2022 20:36

@gamerchick

I do that that if an adult demanded to go through my kids phone, they're in danger of being given a very loud mouthful though.
Oh they didBlush
OP posts:
HellToTheNope · 28/03/2022 20:39

That mum was totally out of line.

SevenWaystoLeave · 28/03/2022 20:39

No idea what you're on about but I think YABU in all the scenarios I can think of.

If you're worried they've taken inappropriate pictures or intend to use the pictures for inappropriate purposes, I can see why you'd be concerned, but I would think going via their parents would be the thing to do. An unrelated adult confronting a child is rarely going to end well.

If the pictures aren't inappropriate and just kids taking photos/videos of their friends - why would you be so concerned about it? And again if you don't want your DCs picture being taken for any reason, a word with the child's parents seems a better first step than aggressively confronting the child themselves.

RedskyThisNight · 28/03/2022 20:42

That's the problem with giving children that age phones.
They are all going to take photos of each other regardless.

Did "upset girl" ask for the others not to take photos? If so - at that age, I would request that any such photos were deleted of the other parent, but not that I'd go through their phone.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 28/03/2022 20:45

The adult who demanded a child go through their phone was totally in the wrong.

Original poster
CouldOfHadClass · 28/03/2022 20:47

Okay so I’m the parent of the girl with the phone, to be clear no photos or videos were taken at any moment. DD comes in crying and embarrassed like hell because her friends mother (who is also a teacher) has demanded her to go through everything on her phone, DD was embarrassed because adult (also should note somewhere she’s also a neighbor) has watched videos of DD singing/dancing in her room, she is mortified.

OP posts:
Original poster
CouldOfHadClass · 28/03/2022 20:48

I don’t know why I didn’t start with that, wanted a equal sided opinion

OP posts:
GrazingSheep · 28/03/2022 20:49

It’s a lesson for your 11 year old that anything she posts on her phone is visible to other people.

GrazingSheep · 28/03/2022 20:50

Sorry- assumed your dd was 11.

ChicCroissant · 28/03/2022 20:53

There was a girl in my DD's class who used to film other girls and upload it to social media, it was a real pain as she ignored anyone who said they didn't want to be featured and put them on anyway. Her mum was surprised the girl couldn't keep any friends, it was less of a mystery to everyone else.

OP, if it's your DD doing the filming/photographs, she need to appreciate that not everyone wants it. While I don't think it's right for another adult to go through the phone, I wish the parent would instead if someone has objected.

Swipe left for the next trending thread