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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I in the wrong?

117 replies

CouldOfHadClass · 28/03/2022 20:26

NC, keep it brief just wanted to know if you thought a child was taking pictures/videos of you’re child, would you demand them to go through all of their photos/videos in front of you to prove your child was not in any of them?
YABU- it’s not fine, the parent should of been informed/given permission to go through child’s phone
YANBU- ofcourse it’s fine, my child’s safety is priority

OP posts:
Original poster
CouldOfHadClass · 28/03/2022 20:53

@GrazingSheep

It’s a lesson for your 11 year old that anything she posts on her phone is visible to other people.
But surely an adult/teacher (I mention teacher as she has that ‘authority’ about her) demanding to see a minors pictures and videos is just absurd! I am a few doors down why not knock on, tell me the situation and ask me to checkConfused
OP posts:
Original poster
CouldOfHadClass · 28/03/2022 20:55

Again want to be clear my DD took no videos or photos at any time, she completely understands privacy of others, and does not have social media.

OP posts:
GrazingSheep · 28/03/2022 20:55

You’re not wrong
But unfortunately that is the risk you take giving phones to children

IncompleteSenten · 28/03/2022 20:56

When she didn't find anything, did she apologise to your daughter?

Travis1 · 28/03/2022 20:57

You’re not wrong and I’d be having serious words with this woman. Utterly ridiculous

Original poster
CouldOfHadClass · 28/03/2022 20:57

@IncompleteSenten

When she didn't find anything, did she apologise to your daughter?
No, and when I told her my DD was at home crying and embarrassed, she told me that was nonsense as my daughter was fine to do itHmm
OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 28/03/2022 20:59

She behaved very badly. I hope you told her to never do that again.

Original poster
CouldOfHadClass · 28/03/2022 21:03

@IncompleteSenten

She behaved very badly. I hope you told her to never do that again.
Thank you, I guess I feared I was in the wrong and kicked off over nothing. I told her to never look through DDs phone again, and if any problems in the future you come to me to resolve. To which I was greeted with an eye roll and a heavy sigh and the door shut on meConfused
OP posts:
NeverChange · 28/03/2022 21:24

Some people are very paranoid about pictures being taken of their children, especially where there has been a family breakdown,previous abuse and where they have relocated for safety reasons.

If it was a case like this I would forgive the overreaction despite believing there are way better ways to deal with it that said, if there's no real, genuine child safety concern, I would be very angry over it.

IncompleteSenten · 28/03/2022 21:37

She sounds like a total cow

jcyclops · 28/03/2022 21:49

The following responses go someway to explain the law.

Note that it is not illegal to photograph children, and not even Police Officers can demand to view someone's photos.

Home Office: It is not an offence to take photographs in public places. This includes photographs of children, police officers or PCSOs. You do not need someone's permission to take their photograph, but you may need their permission to publish it commercially. There is no 'licence' for photography.

ACPO: Police Officers may not prevent someone taking photographs in public places unless they suspect criminal intent. Once an image has been recorded, police have no powers to view, delete or confiscate it without a court order. (Under the Terrorism Act 2000 police can stop someone without reasonable suspicion providing the area has been officially designated a likely target for an attack)

HeddaGarbled · 28/03/2022 22:00

There’s something more going on here, though. Youngsters take photos and videos of each other all the time. Why were they all upset? Upset enough to go home and tell a parent. There’s something underlying this.

OnlyLittleMissOrganised · 28/03/2022 22:57

I'd be reporting the teacher to the school. What she did was an abuse of power and is no way at appropriate response especially without you being present to advocate for your Dd or to discuss the issue with her.

Original poster
CouldOfHadClass · 28/03/2022 23:10

@OnlyLittleMissOrganised

I'd be reporting the teacher to the school. What she did was an abuse of power and is no way at appropriate response especially without you being present to advocate for your Dd or to discuss the issue with her.
I think this is what has really wound me up, she thinks she has this “power” over the children, because she’s a teacher. Not at their school, she did help out at their school for a while, and while she did even after school hours/ weekends she was telling the kids they have to address her as ‘Mrs Smith’ not first name who they all know her by! I’m the first one in the village to finally stand up and say no you need to stop, maybe that’s why I’m a little worried I’ve done the wrong thing, but it’s clear she needs to stop. Also to previous posters no concerns/fleeing DV, she’s been a member of the community all her life, and if it does come about that she was protecting her DD due to something unbeknownst I will ofcourse apologize but still stand my ground that it does not give her permission to go through my daughters privacy without my knowledge or permission
OP posts:
HELLITHURT · 29/03/2022 01:41

Bloody cheek! Well done for sticking up for your DD.

phishy · 29/03/2022 01:52

No, and when I told her my DD was at home crying and embarrassed, she told me that was nonsense as my daughter was fine to do ithmm

That’s what the two police officers said about Child Q being strip searched (assaulted really), that she was fine with it. She wasn’t, they lied.

MargaretThursday · 29/03/2022 07:32

I don't think that was the right way to go about it, but I think it's very unlikely it came out of nowhere.

I suspect there was a bit of "I'm going to send this photo to people and you look funny." going on.
Or pretending to take photos and giggling over the apparent picture. Something that made the other dd uncomfortable.

ChoiceMummy · 29/03/2022 07:33

@CouldOfHadClass
I agree with teacher/neighbour/parent actions tbh.
It's so easy for bullying to happen from these scenarios.
Quite obviously, your daughter made the other child feel uncomfortable and to me that means your child is either purposely gaslighting her or not mature enough for the phone at this time.

RedHelenB · 29/03/2022 07:36

@CouldOfHadClass

Knew I wouldn’t get away with just that, worth a try eyGrin Group of girls, ages 9 to 11, all friends (most the time). They were all playing out together, one child had their phone with them, the other girls thought the said child was taking pictures/videos of them, so one of them went home upset to tell her mum, who demanded the child with the phone (who actually hadn’t taken any pictures or videos) to go through their entire picture album/videos/deleted
Life lesson, if you're asked reasonably not to do something then stop doing it or face the consequences. Mountain and molehill here.
TastyM · 29/03/2022 07:46

Yes. Please report her to the school and stand up for your daughter.

Whitefire · 29/03/2022 07:48

Whatever did or didn't happen in the run-up the teacher Mum should have come to the OP, not dealt with in the manner it was.

AhNowTed · 29/03/2022 08:00

I knew a neighbour who used to tell the neighbourhood kids off while wearing her police uniform.

You did nothing wrong OP and your neighbour is an asshole.

Original poster
CouldOfHadClass · 29/03/2022 08:09

To the people saying my daughter was gaslighting/bullying, you are completely incorrect. I made sure to ask as my reaction totally depended on what really happened, DD was not being mean in any way, she didn’t even take any photos or videos like I said, which neighbor-teacher confirmed- because she had already looked through everything without my consent!

OP posts:
Momicrone · 29/03/2022 08:10

Sounds like they're all too young for phones

ChoiceMummy · 29/03/2022 08:19

@CouldOfHadClass

To the people saying my daughter was gaslighting/bullying, you are completely incorrect. I made sure to ask as my reaction totally depended on what really happened, DD was not being mean in any way, she didn’t even take any photos or videos like I said, which neighbor-teacher confirmed- because she had already looked through everything without my consent!
Well of course she's going to say that isn't she. She's not going to say I was purposely making her think I was taking photos etc is she!

You risk coming across as one of those mothers.

The fact the other parent is a teacher is irrelevant. She didn't act on behalf of the school she was acting as a parent.

The fact that you had a go at her, makes you as much of a bully as your daughter in my opinion.