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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I in the wrong?

117 replies

CouldOfHadClass · 28/03/2022 20:26

NC, keep it brief just wanted to know if you thought a child was taking pictures/videos of you’re child, would you demand them to go through all of their photos/videos in front of you to prove your child was not in any of them?
YABU- it’s not fine, the parent should of been informed/given permission to go through child’s phone
YANBU- ofcourse it’s fine, my child’s safety is priority

OP posts:

ChoiceMummy · 29/03/2022 17:01

@CouldOfHadClass

She has sent messages to my step mum- they have been friends a long time, stating how awful and in the wrong i am. I actually said sorry to my step mum for being dragged into this, totally unfair to put her in that position and something i would never do

So she was sounding off about you to her friend.... And?

Original poster

CouldOfHadClass · 29/03/2022 17:03

Thats what i said, when you know you are innocent you dont need prove yourself, let alone turn people onto one another

OP posts:

Original poster

CouldOfHadClass · 29/03/2022 17:08

What is your problem exaxtly?

OP posts:

Original poster

CouldOfHadClass · 29/03/2022 17:12

@ChoiceMummy im actually starting to think you might be the neighbour if thats you why not pop over and say sorry

OP posts:

SpicePumpkin · 29/03/2022 17:35

[quote CouldOfHadClass]@ChoiceMummy im actually starting to think you might be the neighbour if thats you why not pop over and say sorry[/quote]
I wouldn't bother replying to this poster OP. Most of the replies they post on threads are quite inflammatory and not very well thought out.

SpicePumpkin · 29/03/2022 17:44

I think this is a safeguarding issue that needs reporting to this woman's school. She has abused her 'power' as a teacher/authority, whilst drunk, to bully your child into showing her phone pics. She knows the authority she will have over local children because of being their teacher once, even if briefly. It is not acceptable regardless of what the real story is.

ChoiceMummy · 29/03/2022 18:05

@SpicePumpkin

If she had gone up to her and said I am your teacher, you will do as I say, she would have abused her power. She didn't. She asked for the phone as her daughter thought there were photos or videos of her on it, due to the way she'd conducted herself. She acted as a parent.

God I feel sorry for this woman and teachers the country over, with parents like this. No wonder teachers are leaving in droves!

SpicePumpkin · 29/03/2022 18:14

@ChoiceMummy regardless of acting like a parent she also acted as a bully. Knowing full well she was intimidating a child she once taught. That is an abuse of power as an adult and as a teacher, and the safeguarding lead at her school would be very interested to hear about it.

Bookworm20 · 29/03/2022 18:36

Something doesn’t add up here. One girl ran home crying because your daughters phone light was on and thought she took pictures.
But the mother said your daughter wasn’t pretending to take pictures but had actually took pictures?

Regardless anyway even if she had pretended to take pictures the other mum is totally in the wrong. And why the hell did she watch videos of your daughter in her room, a 2 second in would of told her it wasn’t a video of her daughter!

Totally report it op. She’s embarrassed your dd. She should of came and spoken to you.

TheHumanExperience · 29/03/2022 21:47

In all honesty, it seems like she played on being the superior/teacher. I'd have no qualms with mentioning it to the head. Ask if they thought this was appropriate behaviour, considering it was an accusation based on what a child thought happened, not what they actually witnessed. The demand was totally out of order without an adult guardian present.

Notanotherwindow · 29/03/2022 21:58

Oh I'd report her to her school. Tell them she was drunk and harassing a child in the street, confiscating their property without consent.

However if this happened months ago, you've really missed the bus. You needed to report it at the time.

ChoiceMummy · 30/03/2022 07:22

@Notanotherwindow

Oh I'd report her to her school. Tell them she was drunk and harassing a child in the street, confiscating their property without consent.

However if this happened months ago, you've really missed the bus. You needed to report it at the time.

But this is an outright lie!

At no point has the op said that the teacher has ever taught her child or even a teacher at her child's school.

Malalaa · 30/03/2022 09:06

@ChoiceMummy the OP has said this woman did help out at the school. Presumably, as she's a teacher, it was in a teaching capacity. Even if it wasn't, she was in a role of authority over children while working there. Any adult working at a school has a role of authority that the children will recognise - teachers, TA's, Dinner ladies, caretaker etc. Smalm children will recognise this even if you are pretending not to. It's also been pointed out by the OP that out of school hours this woman insisted the children still call her 'Mrs Smith' as they have to at school. She's used this role of authority she has over the OP's daughter to intimidate her. There's quite clearly people commenting on this thread who actually work in schools/are teaching staff giving this advice that know what they are talking about.

At the end of the day, a drunk woman, who is supposedly an upstanding member of the community, intimidated a young girl to hand over their property, without parental permission. The school she works at will have a policy on staff behaviour outside of school. It won't condone drunkenly intimidating and forcing a child to hand over their property to be 'searched'. If you honestly can't see how wrong this is you need to give your head a wobble . Any profession with a professional code of conduct would ALWAYS have a policy on this type of thing and should ALWAYS be reported when there has been and abuse of that power - police, vicar, politician, doctor, nurses etc. the list is endless.

And if you feel sorry for this horrible woman that's pretty pathetic.

Notanotherwindow · 30/03/2022 11:54

No it isn't. She was drunk and did harrass OPs child in the street and did take her property without consent. No word of that is a lie.

Whether OPs child goes to the school she teaches at has nothing to do with it. She is a teacher and is representing her school in a village where everybody knows where she works.

Doesn't look very good on them if their staff are pissed as farts and intimidating random children to hand over their property to conduct illegal and unwarranted searches.

Original poster

CouldOfHadClass · 30/03/2022 12:30

Update she did apolagize over message last night, and to DD to her face as i wasn't going to keep her indoors for doing nothing wrong. I asked her to come to me if anything happens in future, which she said well hopefully this will be the end of it, probably just a misunderstanding on her part as i obviously meant anything that involves DD.

OP posts:

worriedatthistime · 30/03/2022 12:31

@tootiredtospeak but if you told the poilce they wouldn't be knocking on his door as he hadn't committed a crime

sellthesizzle · 30/03/2022 13:07

@GrazingSheep

It’s a lesson for your 11 year old that anything she posts on her phone is visible to other people.

She didn't post anything they were here photos and videos on her phone.

I'd go mad if someone did this to my child - who does she think she is looking through private stuff on your daughter's phone. She should have spoken to you. Also total misuse of her authority as a teacher imo.

Your poor DD!

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