So, help a girl out and I apologise in advance – this is a bit of a long one!
I’ve been best mates (not ex best mates) with this girl for 12 years. She’s always been particularly difficult – clingy, needy, a bit controlling, drama filled. BUT anyway, we’ve always had a lot in common and got on well.
Fast-forward to the last 2 years, she has been EXTRA difficult. She has fallen out with 3 girls in that time, like dramatically. I’ve got a new partner who is wonderful, but she has a negative opinion on everything about him – we moved in too soon, he’s too affectionate (he’s not), he gave me a kiss on my birthday night out with friends and held my hand down the street; apparently this made everyone in the group feel extremely uncomfortable (it was a peck not a snog), we are buying a house too soon (been together al most 2 years and won’t be buying for another year at least, currently renting), he doesn’t make enough effort with her (he’s terrified of her) etc etc.
She is having and has been for some time major issues with her partner – I’ll be honest he has zero respect for her, she does everything for him and has no thanks or recognition. They do not live an equal partnership, far from it, and I can tell this is really bothering her (I would never ever say this to her, it’s not my business). She’s extremely unhappy in her life, in so many ways and I just want her to be happy but I cannot condone the jealousy. If someone earns more money than her, gets marrier before her, buys a more expensive house, has a baby before her – she goes ballistic!! Her life is very showy and she’s very prominent on social media and portraying the perfect semi-expensive life.
She also has a major issue with me backing out of going OUT a lot, I am saving for a house. I’m not a social recluse and saying no to everything, just taking it easy and up for more nights in just us girls – fine no?? She also made a point of saying she has loads of new clothes she’s bought and wants to wear so I must go out more – umm noo…
Everything positive in my life, she drags down. If I’m going on holiday, that’s bad and it’s time I’m not spending with her or money on her. If my partner does something nice for me, she comes back with something nasty about him or makes a nasty joke. She is against everything I say, if I say one thing she says the other. Apparently her major issue with me is that I don’t prioritise her above everything else in my life – am I wrong for thinking this is a totally unacceptable comment to make?
Further to add to this, we are in a friendship group with 2 other girls and are in a group chat. Quite often she shows me up by being against everything I say, has a go at everything I do, picks at every comment I make and very purposefully tries to embarrass me. Anything funny I share, she says it’s not funny. Either that, or she will totally ignore me and reply to everyone else. It’s been very obvious recently that she has been trying to push me out of the group. We are all in our 30’s by the way – I am too old for this pettiness and childish drama! Overall, it’s been an extremely difficult friendship for many many years and I am sick of walking on eggshells. Every time I pull her up (or anyone does) on her behaviour, she pulls the sympathy card of struggling with grief for a family member I barely knew existed until they died. I’m not saying she didn’t care about them, but the grief card just cannot be pulled as an excuse every time she upsets someone. She was like this before the passing.
FAST-FORWARD again to recently. I have called quits on our friendship after I found out she had been bad mouthing me to all our friends and of course, her behaviour of pushing me out and trying to show me up. She has now latched on to our other friends (now her best friends, which I really really don’t mind) but is discussing details and sharing screenshots of our conversations to our friends – totally betraying me. I haven’t said a word to our friends about our argument and I would NEVER badmouth her to mutual friends. It’s evident she is trying to turn them against me. While I am sat here extremely isolated not speaking a word, what do I do?
I guess my question is – how to I approach this with my friends? I do not want to say anything bad about her or make my friends pick a side (I want them to be friends with us both), but I also want them to know my side of the story and wrong any false accusations she has made about me. I’m scared of losing my friends. I know true friends will stay, but with the horrible things she is saying about me, I am scared they may believe it.
Or ultimately – AIBU here?? I’m open to it all.