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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I be honest?

108 replies

OohCadburyBoost · 28/03/2022 12:25

Name change because - I know you are on here Leslie!!

I am going to be as specific as I can without giving Leslie (her work nick name - well the nicest one!) the ability to identify me. However I am kind of over it now!

I just need to know if I am being unreasonable here. I warn you that on the scale of 1-10 of pettiness this is a 10 so not a an issue that is going to have a global impact!

Leslie smells - it is a mixture of cats, rice cakes and that damp smell where you haven't let your clothes dry properly. I am currently 37 weeks pregnant and I sit next to Leslie. I admit I have HORMONES and also vomit at least twice a day regularly due to my inability to deal with the smell of coffee, tuna and ...Leslie.

Now I don't purposely like hurting anyone's feelings - I am very aware that these are my issues but I had a quiet word with the office manager and she took pity on me and let me move to the other side of the office in a corner mostly used for hot desking.

This happened last Thursday and today in the kitchen I was cornered by Leslie (who by the way had a piece of flaky pastry from her croissant on the side of her mouth) demanding to know why I moved!

Now 2 things here - firstly this pregnancy has gifted me with sickness from 6 weeks and secondly I also I currently have a very weak stomach because I had to run away and be sick as the smell and then the food on the mouth triggered the first chunder of the day.

I did politely excuse myself but when I returned she was crying and some co-workers were consoling her (from a distance!).

I apologised and said that I was having morning sickness and then Leslie screamed at me that I was discriminating against her. I stayed calm (secretly hoping my waters might break so I could leave) and asked her to explain how I discriminated against her. Then she said I moved desks because she is old and it is age discrimination.

Now my dilemma is - would it be unreasonable to tell her that I am actually really fond of older people (she is actually on 65 so not old in my view) and that my real issue is that she had an aroma that in my current condition is really not appealing to me.

Or is it nicer for her think that I don't like her because of her age.

See petty!! I spoke to a colleague and she said she couldn't get close enough to cuddle her when she was crying because she thought she would gag. She says IANBU but I feel like a bitchy bitch - should I just move back to the desk and put vicks under my nose?

I told my husband and he nervously laughed then put his rice cakes in the car to take to work to eat!!

OP posts:
marypoppins2022 · 28/03/2022 12:26

I would be honest

Starlight86 · 28/03/2022 12:31

As awkward as it is i would say that pregnancy has given you a strong nose and your struggling being near certain people.

TBH she sounds like a bit of an arsehole coming to the conclusion your ageist...seems a little weird.

I had HG and my husband and children had a metallicy small that only i could detect but it made me gag so much.

OohCadburyBoost · 28/03/2022 12:35

My manager has just informed me that she had had to step in and let Leslie know that she is jumping to conclusions but this is getting out of hand. I mean it is 100% pregnancy because I am usually not this 'smell sensitive' but I just didn't want to hurt her feelings.

I did have to tell a few months back that I didn't like my bump being touched and she got upset that I didn't tell her the sex of the baby 'EVEN THOUGH I DON'T KNOW'.

Just with her being so odd I thought moving would be best. I have decided I am not moving back. I can see the whole office from here and am in earshot of Jen from legal - very interesting!!!!

OP posts:
marypoppins2022 · 28/03/2022 12:36

Agree with what @Starlight86 said that's how you should word it yes

LottyD32 · 28/03/2022 12:45

Couldn't you move nearer the toilet and dress it up as needing to be nearer them?

I don't know how you'd explain moving to the corner first though.

SickAndTiredAgain · 28/03/2022 12:45

I did have to tell a few months back that I didn't like my bump being touched and she got upset that I didn't tell her the sex of the baby 'EVEN THOUGH I DON'T KNOW'

I think you’d be reasonable to ask to not sit next to her if she’s going to touch your bump. She sounds like a nightmare.

SunshineAndFizz · 28/03/2022 12:47

Yeah I'd probably say something in a round about-trying not to be harsh-it's me not you- way. I'm a wimp so doubt I could say "you smell terrible".

"Please don't be upset I've moved, it's nothing to do with age. I'm a bit embarrassed to broadcast this but my ultra sensitive pregnancy nose is making me sick lots. It's happened with too. It might be your washing powder or moisturiser, I'm not sure what exactly, but I'm finding I'm less sick without strong smells near me."

HaggisBurger · 28/03/2022 12:51

I mean surely you are only talking about 1-2 weeks more in any case? But I couldn’t bear it. I feel for you. But hard to say you stink 🤷🏻‍♀️

incognitoforthisone · 28/03/2022 12:51

To be honest, I think the smell is the least of your worries if she also screams at people in the office, cries when someone sits at a different desk, accuses people of discrimination with zero evidence and 'gets upset' when people won't tell her the sex of a baby whose sex they don't even know themselves. Forget the fact that she smells; the issue here is that her behaviour is weird and inappropriate all round and I wouldn't want to sit next to her either, smell or no smell!

RealBecca · 28/03/2022 12:55

I wouldn't engage, I'd say you need to speak to [Manager]

RealBecca · 28/03/2022 12:56

I'd probably also ask for another meeting with your boss and explain what's happened and that you want it dealt with because the drama is causing you stress and at 37 weeks you just dont need it.

OohCadburyBoost · 28/03/2022 12:57

Yes I have 5 more working days - I chose to be in the office but I will be off for 9 months and then might wfh 2 days a week. So my interactions with her will be very limited after the next week - however I am going to tell her. I know she likes to take a walk at lunch so I will try and grab her when she comes back around 1.30 ish...watch this space!

OP posts:
LottyD32 · 28/03/2022 13:09

This won't go well if she cries over a moved desk.

Prepare for histrionics.

TheMarvelousMrsMaisel · 28/03/2022 13:12

No don't tell her.
I would apologise and gift her some body soap though with a smile like hint, hint. Grin

HollowTalk · 28/03/2022 13:15

Are you saying this woman is on MN and will recognise herself?

Hatinafield · 28/03/2022 13:16

For the sake of a few more days there’s no way I’d tell her.

ForeverLooking · 28/03/2022 13:20

@Hatinafield

For the sake of a few more days there’s no way I’d tell her.
Same. Just ride out the next few days calmly and enjoy your maternity leave in peace.
OohCadburyBoost · 28/03/2022 13:22

Well that didn't go to plan. I cam out of the bathroom and she was standing waiting for me. She told me that my boss had 'told her off' like a child and if I have a problem with her I should be big enough to take it up with her.....this woman is bat shit crazy. I mean I always knew she was 'eccentric' as she used to wear crochet pop socks but this is a whole other level.

I calmly told her that I have been really suffering with sickness throughout the whole pregnancy and that the smallest of smells (even those I used to love like coffee) are setting me off. I told her that I wasn't sure what it is but there was something 'maybe her perfume' that was really making me feel nauseous.

I shit you not this lady put her wrist up to my nose and said 'this perfume' and I gagged so hard that I got a cramp!

This is definitely not really happening - is it?

She was embarrassed and walked away. I am still not really sure what just happened!

OP posts:
SummerHouse · 28/03/2022 13:23

DO NOT TELL HER.

This is a sensitive woman. There are no words on this earth that involve some semblance of the truth that are going to go down well with her.

SummerHouse · 28/03/2022 13:25

Ah, too late to the party as usual...

SevenWaystoLeave · 28/03/2022 13:25

Don't say either. Come up with some non-Leslie reason why you had to move. And please don't say you're " really fond of older people" it sounds extremely patronising

esloquehay · 28/03/2022 13:25

The way you write reminds me of Marian Keyes: hyperbolic comedy.
I don't think you're being unreasonable to move and you only have another week, so I'd leave it: whatever you say to 'Leslie' could easily be twisted and you don't need the drama.
Hopefully, she'll be retired by the end of your maternity leave!

SummerHouse · 28/03/2022 13:26

To be fair I think you have effectively dealt with it. Although the gagging was probably a much unwanted side effect, it's proved your point!

girlmom21 · 28/03/2022 13:28

At least she'll think it's her perfumes smell now! I think you handled it well.

AllOfUsAreDead · 28/03/2022 13:29

Leslie, you're crazy.

Touching someone's bump without permission is so weird. Screaming at colleagues is wrong. She's just mental.

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