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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I be honest?

108 replies

OohCadburyBoost · 28/03/2022 12:25

Name change because - I know you are on here Leslie!!

I am going to be as specific as I can without giving Leslie (her work nick name - well the nicest one!) the ability to identify me. However I am kind of over it now!

I just need to know if I am being unreasonable here. I warn you that on the scale of 1-10 of pettiness this is a 10 so not a an issue that is going to have a global impact!

Leslie smells - it is a mixture of cats, rice cakes and that damp smell where you haven't let your clothes dry properly. I am currently 37 weeks pregnant and I sit next to Leslie. I admit I have HORMONES and also vomit at least twice a day regularly due to my inability to deal with the smell of coffee, tuna and ...Leslie.

Now I don't purposely like hurting anyone's feelings - I am very aware that these are my issues but I had a quiet word with the office manager and she took pity on me and let me move to the other side of the office in a corner mostly used for hot desking.

This happened last Thursday and today in the kitchen I was cornered by Leslie (who by the way had a piece of flaky pastry from her croissant on the side of her mouth) demanding to know why I moved!

Now 2 things here - firstly this pregnancy has gifted me with sickness from 6 weeks and secondly I also I currently have a very weak stomach because I had to run away and be sick as the smell and then the food on the mouth triggered the first chunder of the day.

I did politely excuse myself but when I returned she was crying and some co-workers were consoling her (from a distance!).

I apologised and said that I was having morning sickness and then Leslie screamed at me that I was discriminating against her. I stayed calm (secretly hoping my waters might break so I could leave) and asked her to explain how I discriminated against her. Then she said I moved desks because she is old and it is age discrimination.

Now my dilemma is - would it be unreasonable to tell her that I am actually really fond of older people (she is actually on 65 so not old in my view) and that my real issue is that she had an aroma that in my current condition is really not appealing to me.

Or is it nicer for her think that I don't like her because of her age.

See petty!! I spoke to a colleague and she said she couldn't get close enough to cuddle her when she was crying because she thought she would gag. She says IANBU but I feel like a bitchy bitch - should I just move back to the desk and put vicks under my nose?

I told my husband and he nervously laughed then put his rice cakes in the car to take to work to eat!!

OP posts:
SevenWaystoLeave · 28/03/2022 13:29

Also honestly I know you're trying to be funny in your writing style but you sound very nasty towards this woman who hasn't actually done anything wrong

5128gap · 28/03/2022 13:30

I find it difficult to imagine a woman crying and taking it personally because a pregnant woman needed to rush away to be sick. Also that anyone would assume someone disliked them because they were 'old'. If there's no creative licence being taken here, I'd say that she already knows you dislike/patronise her, but just doesn't know why.
As far as the smell goes, its a management problem to resolve. No good comes out of having these chats colleague to colleague. Its a bullying complaint waiting to happen. Go back to your manager and tell her your work conditions are intolerable and she needs to take appropriate action.

Original poster
OohCadburyBoost · 28/03/2022 13:33

She just messaged me through the internal private messaging system to say that she thought I was lying about the sickness to cover up some deep rooted prejudice against ageing women.

More concerning is that I am now having braxton hicks where I called my husband and told him and then he said 'could be worse she could have put her bum in your face' and I laughed a lot - but it was that laugh you try and do quietly so no one knows you are laughing and now I am just exhausted.

I think you are right SummerHouse - she is very lucky thought because I don't often do dry gags - it could have been much worse especially as I just had my muller rice pudding!!

OP posts:
thistimelastweek · 28/03/2022 13:33

OP, that's going to backfire.
She's going to wear a different perfume every day and ask what you think.
All up close and personal like.

HellToTheNope · 28/03/2022 13:34

She's a fucking nutter. I'd be telling your manager that she needs to be kept away from you.

Tinacollada · 28/03/2022 13:34

I think the OP sounds rather attention seeking.

5 days left ffs

Milknosugarta · 28/03/2022 13:35

You just got the perfect outcome! Just buy an inexpensive toiletries gift (pref with a body spray and soap/shower gel) wrap nicely, give with a "sorry, didn't mean to upset you". Job done. You won't be seeing her for ages shortly so no dramas. Maybe she will have retired by the time you are back at work. 😉

Original poster
OohCadburyBoost · 28/03/2022 13:37

@SevenWaystoLeave

Also honestly I know you're trying to be funny in your writing style but you sound very nasty towards this woman who hasn't actually done anything wrong
wow - I knew it was too good to be true - I needed at least one judgy comment otherwise it wouldn't be mumsnet.
OP posts:
HellToTheNope · 28/03/2022 13:37

She just messaged me through the internal private messaging system to say that she thought I was lying about the sickness to cover up some deep rooted prejudice against ageing women.

FFS, this is insane. This is harrassment. Straight to your manager.

Original poster
OohCadburyBoost · 28/03/2022 13:38

@Tinacollada

I think the OP sounds rather attention seeking.

5 days left ffs

Oooh I am - it is all about me!!!

In all honesty I was just trying to figure out if it was worse to tell her it was her smell or if me being perceived as ageist is better!

OP posts:
MinnieGirl · 28/03/2022 13:41

@OohCadburyBoost

She just messaged me through the internal private messaging system to say that she thought I was lying about the sickness to cover up some deep rooted prejudice against ageing women.

More concerning is that I am now having braxton hicks where I called my husband and told him and then he said 'could be worse she could have put her bum in your face' and I laughed a lot - but it was that laugh you try and do quietly so no one knows you are laughing and now I am just exhausted.

I think you are right SummerHouse - she is very lucky thought because I don't often do dry gags - it could have been much worse especially as I just had my muller rice pudding!!

I would show your manager that private message. This woman is crazy and is harassing you. If you get another message say loudly and clearly, so all the other staff in the office can hear, please stop sending me aggressive messages Lesley, it’s incredibly childish and I will be forwarding them to manager
JemimaTiggywinkle · 28/03/2022 13:41

She could just not wear perfume tomorrow though and then say you should sit next to her again.

5128gap · 28/03/2022 13:41

Given you seem to have gone out of your way to frame this in a way that invites judgement, to the point of stretching credulity almost beyond its capacity, you shouldn't be surprised it's forthcoming. But then, you're not really, are you?

Original poster
OohCadburyBoost · 28/03/2022 13:41

Thanks all for the honest advice - Leslie is a regular in the HR managers office. She lacks tact and struggles not to say what she thinks when she thinks it but I don't generally like hurting people's feelings.

She had until recently been shielding and working from home which is why it wasn't such an issue.

OP posts:
MinnieGirl · 28/03/2022 13:42

@HellToTheNope

She just messaged me through the internal private messaging system to say that she thought I was lying about the sickness to cover up some deep rooted prejudice against ageing women.

FFS, this is insane. This is harrassment. Straight to your manager.

Agreed
Fraaahnces · 28/03/2022 13:42

She sounds like an absolute PITA… please speak to your boss. She is also harassing you.

vodkaredbullgirl · 28/03/2022 13:46
Hmm
Merryoldgoat · 28/03/2022 13:48

You work in the public sector don’t you?

Original poster
OohCadburyBoost · 28/03/2022 13:49

@Merryoldgoat

You work in the public sector don’t you?
Oooh yes I do - which is the main reason I need my humour - and another reason I am working up to 39 weeks pregnant before going on maternity leave!
OP posts:
HopeIsNotAStrategy · 28/03/2022 13:50

I am detecting you seem to have some issue with the name Leslie, or it seems to be a derogatory nickname, like Karen. If so, what's that all about?

WifeMotherWorkRepeat · 28/03/2022 13:50

Hey OP, I’m loving your posts, keep the updates coming (including the latest with Jen). You don’t sound at all nasty and Leslie is bonkers, I think every office has an eccentric cat smelling Leslie!! Only 5 days to go woo hooo, good luck ☺️

Merryoldgoat · 28/03/2022 13:51

It’s the only place I’d ever worked where people like this are pandered to.

Enjoy your time off.

There isn’t enough money in the world that could induce me back to the public sector - I lasted 8 months, put on 3 stone and cried a LOT (at home).

5128gap · 28/03/2022 13:55

@OohCadburyBoost

Thanks all for the honest advice - Leslie is a regular in the HR managers office. She lacks tact and struggles not to say what she thinks when she thinks it but I don't generally like hurting people's feelings.

She had until recently been shielding and working from home which is why it wasn't such an issue.

That's not at all how you come across. Someone who doesn't like hurting people's feelings doesn't post lurid demeaning descriptions to try and get a laugh out of strangers on MN. You've had the advice, back to your manager, but you keep adding to the story, trying to make your colleague look more and more ridiculous, and laughing because your H said bum (I bet the hours fly!) I'm not surprised she thinks you've a problem with her if that's how you carry on around her. You wanted a laugh at her expense, so just own it.
dworky · 28/03/2022 13:55

If she is on here, this is hardly going to improve matters, is it?

ladydimitrescu · 28/03/2022 13:56

Why name change when you've written word for word what happened and called her out in your op by saying you know she's on here - how is any of that helping Hmm

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