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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I be honest?

108 replies

OohCadburyBoost · 28/03/2022 12:25

Name change because - I know you are on here Leslie!!

I am going to be as specific as I can without giving Leslie (her work nick name - well the nicest one!) the ability to identify me. However I am kind of over it now!

I just need to know if I am being unreasonable here. I warn you that on the scale of 1-10 of pettiness this is a 10 so not a an issue that is going to have a global impact!

Leslie smells - it is a mixture of cats, rice cakes and that damp smell where you haven't let your clothes dry properly. I am currently 37 weeks pregnant and I sit next to Leslie. I admit I have HORMONES and also vomit at least twice a day regularly due to my inability to deal with the smell of coffee, tuna and ...Leslie.

Now I don't purposely like hurting anyone's feelings - I am very aware that these are my issues but I had a quiet word with the office manager and she took pity on me and let me move to the other side of the office in a corner mostly used for hot desking.

This happened last Thursday and today in the kitchen I was cornered by Leslie (who by the way had a piece of flaky pastry from her croissant on the side of her mouth) demanding to know why I moved!

Now 2 things here - firstly this pregnancy has gifted me with sickness from 6 weeks and secondly I also I currently have a very weak stomach because I had to run away and be sick as the smell and then the food on the mouth triggered the first chunder of the day.

I did politely excuse myself but when I returned she was crying and some co-workers were consoling her (from a distance!).

I apologised and said that I was having morning sickness and then Leslie screamed at me that I was discriminating against her. I stayed calm (secretly hoping my waters might break so I could leave) and asked her to explain how I discriminated against her. Then she said I moved desks because she is old and it is age discrimination.

Now my dilemma is - would it be unreasonable to tell her that I am actually really fond of older people (she is actually on 65 so not old in my view) and that my real issue is that she had an aroma that in my current condition is really not appealing to me.

Or is it nicer for her think that I don't like her because of her age.

See petty!! I spoke to a colleague and she said she couldn't get close enough to cuddle her when she was crying because she thought she would gag. She says IANBU but I feel like a bitchy bitch - should I just move back to the desk and put vicks under my nose?

I told my husband and he nervously laughed then put his rice cakes in the car to take to work to eat!!

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 28/03/2022 14:47

Well, at least by gagging she knows you're telling the truth that it's the stench rather than her age.

Unless she's going to claim the close up of her 65 year old wrist made you gag.

1forAll74 · 28/03/2022 14:48

I would like to work there, with all this fun stuff going on.!

notinherethen · 28/03/2022 14:49

This so never happened.

dottydodah · 28/03/2022 14:49

Im not pregnant but absolutely cant stand the smell of Rice cakes! TBH she sounds hard work.

Blossomtoes · 28/03/2022 14:50

Oh, just start your mat leave now and do e everyone a favour, OP. I can’t believe you’re so up for so much drama a matter of days before you give birth.

ArtVandalay · 28/03/2022 14:53

The way you write makes me think this might well be bollocks. Anyway, if it happens to be real - stop naming people. It's completely unnecessary.

Also 'would it be unreasonable to tell her that I am actually really fond of older people' - yes, because it makes you look patronising and unkind.

GreenClock · 28/03/2022 14:54

Management needs to deal with her. Send them a screenshot of the private message.

She shouldn’t be touching your stomach or putting her wrist near your face either. It’s inappropriate.

I feel sorry for her but people shouldn’t have to work in an environment like that.

3peassuit · 28/03/2022 14:54

I had extra smell sensitivity when I was pregnant with DD1. Reading OP’s post brings it all back and I’m gagging at the memory. I hope the last few working days go quickly.

BoredZelda · 28/03/2022 14:56

This is definitely not really happening - is it?

Exactly what went through my mind.

DiamondCushion · 28/03/2022 15:05

Good luck with the birth and definitely let HR or management know she’s messaged you and you told her the real reason and she deliberately made you be sick, that’s assault in my book.

LaLentil · 28/03/2022 15:08

Lol! Problem solved.

Mossstitch · 28/03/2022 15:11

@CrochetBug 😂or knitted ones👍

Hoppinggreen · 28/03/2022 15:22

Oooh OP you are a one.
Never mind, soon you will be off on Mat leaving and then enjoying your baby
If we’re lucky you might find time to post some more of your hilarious stories on here

Sparklingbrook · 28/03/2022 15:23

It has been fun

Has it? Sounds like a load of drama over very little to me.

RantyAunty · 28/03/2022 15:24

It's up to management to gently tell people they need to look after their hygiene better.

From her behaviours, she may have undiagnosed autism. Eccentric, meltdowns, difficulty with tact, hygiene issues.
It never would have been diagnosed in the 60s, especially for a woman.

Jongy · 28/03/2022 15:25

Autism or just an odd woman who has behaved erratically for years without a care for anyone else’s feelings and has gotten away with it because people are intimidated by her?

LottyD32 · 28/03/2022 15:26

@OohCadburyBoost

Well that didn't go to plan. I cam out of the bathroom and she was standing waiting for me. She told me that my boss had 'told her off' like a child and if I have a problem with her I should be big enough to take it up with her.....this woman is bat shit crazy. I mean I always knew she was 'eccentric' as she used to wear crochet pop socks but this is a whole other level.

I calmly told her that I have been really suffering with sickness throughout the whole pregnancy and that the smallest of smells (even those I used to love like coffee) are setting me off. I told her that I wasn't sure what it is but there was something 'maybe her perfume' that was really making me feel nauseous.

I shit you not this lady put her wrist up to my nose and said 'this perfume' and I gagged so hard that I got a cramp!

This is definitely not really happening - is it?

She was embarrassed and walked away. I am still not really sure what just happened!

Oh dear.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

LottyD32 · 28/03/2022 15:29

@OohCadburyBoost

She just messaged me through the internal private messaging system to say that she thought I was lying about the sickness to cover up some deep rooted prejudice against ageing women.

More concerning is that I am now having braxton hicks where I called my husband and told him and then he said 'could be worse she could have put her bum in your face' and I laughed a lot - but it was that laugh you try and do quietly so no one knows you are laughing and now I am just exhausted.

I think you are right SummerHouse - she is very lucky thought because I don't often do dry gags - it could have been much worse especially as I just had my muller rice pudding!!

😂😂😂

And I'd IM her back 'fuck off'.

LottyD32 · 28/03/2022 15:32

@girlmom21

Tell her you love old people and she's like a second nan to you.
😂😂😂
SevenWaystoLeave · 28/03/2022 15:39

@RantyAunty

It's up to management to gently tell people they need to look after their hygiene better.

From her behaviours, she may have undiagnosed autism. Eccentric, meltdowns, difficulty with tact, hygiene issues.
It never would have been diagnosed in the 60s, especially for a woman.

Or: she's a perfectly normal if slightly eccentric woman whose unpleasant work colleague has decided to bitch about her on a public forum, inviting total strangers to laugh at her and mock her and attempt to diagnose her with a developmental disabilities that there's zero evidence she has.

Seriously, OP is not a reliable narrator, at best she's exaggerating, and frankly she sounds like a bully.

SevenWaystoLeave · 28/03/2022 15:41

@Jongy

Autism or just an odd woman who has behaved erratically for years without a care for anyone else’s feelings and has gotten away with it because people are intimidated by her?
Jfc, is there literally no thread and no scenario where some mumsnetter won't turn up and announce it must be autism.
Vanillalatteplease · 28/03/2022 15:47

Oh I can't wait for the update. No doubt there will be a 'hilarious' & unexpected conclusion to this tale of woe.

SevenWaystoLeave · 28/03/2022 15:49

@Vanillalatteplease

Oh I can't wait for the update. No doubt there will be a 'hilarious' & unexpected conclusion to this tale of woe.
I'm sure the whole office will stand up and clap OP and her boss will give her a payrise.
grapewines · 28/03/2022 15:56

Nasty thread but glad you had your fun.

PoshPyjamas · 28/03/2022 16:00

I spoke to a colleague and she said she couldn't get close enough to cuddle her when she was crying because she thought she would gag

It sounds like quite a bitchy environment.