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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling so frustrated about child’s diet - AIBU?

116 replies

Openmuddyfields · 28/03/2022 07:24

Some will probably think I’m being a bit precious and maybe I am, interested to hear views.

DS (16 months) goes to nursery so is fed there mostly, and what he eats is healthy. I’m broadly happy with what he eats. I’m not happy about what he drinks, and I’m probably to blame for this as he was really unwell a few months ago and in desperation to get some fluids into him I bought a Fruit Shoot. DH has now sort of incorporated fruit shoots into his diet and he won’t drink water.

The other thing I’m really not happy about is that DH feeds him titbits like a dog, if one of us is eating DS walks up to us and shouts. I really don’t think we should encourage this by giving him food. The other thing is that whatever DH gives him is unhealthy. He’s had a McDonald’s hash brown, biscuits (he does have biscuits but baby ones) crisps, juice and chips.

I’m starting to feel I can’t leave the room as when I come back ds is eating something horrible and DH is looking like a mischievous child. I don’t want to be the one frowning all the time but I am concerned about habits being formed.

OP posts:
TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 28/03/2022 07:30

You are overthinking.

Why shouldn't DH give him small tastes of his own meal? That's one of the best ways to introduce him to new tastes and textures.

A McDonald's hash brown every so often isn't going to kill him.

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 28/03/2022 07:31

Also "DS is eating something horrible"

You are projecting your own food issues in to your toddler here

CrabSnake · 28/03/2022 07:37

With the giving him little bits of whatever you're eating why would you want to stop doing this? Unless you are also eating "something horrible"? Model to him how to ask nicely but I don't see why the behaviour is bad.

Will he drink milk? You could dilute fruit shoots or just not buy them.

Original poster
Openmuddyfields · 28/03/2022 07:43

DS isn’t a little baby though - he’s a toddler. I don’t want a child who thinks walking up to people eating and shouting is acceptable.

Something horrible doesn’t mean it’s not to my personal taste, I mean it’s something laden in fat or sugar or salt.

OP posts:
Lastqueenofscotland · 28/03/2022 07:46

Yep you’re being ridiculous here…

Sorryfornamechanging · 28/03/2022 07:47

He’s going to eat biscuits. He’s going to drink squash. You need to relax a bit.
There’s a balance here to be had though. Every day, not ideal. the shouting and demanding not ideal.
Those are the things to work on. But I think suggesting something is horrible (unhealthy possibly a better term) demonises certain food and we have to be so careful about food around small children.
I had a friend who was never allowed anything “bad” and was taught that unhealthy food was all “bad”. As soon as she was old enough she would binge on unhealthy food and ended up having weight and food issues for years.
That’s an extreme example of course.

Beees · 28/03/2022 07:50

@Openmuddyfields

DS isn’t a little baby though - he’s a toddler. I don’t want a child who thinks walking up to people eating and shouting is acceptable.

Something horrible doesn’t mean it’s not to my personal taste, I mean it’s something laden in fat or sugar or salt.

Then ask your DH to start encouraging him to ask nicely or wait politely to be offer the food. Stopping him eating the food is a daft idea if it's widening his palate.

Also fat, sugar and salt are not terrible things. Hmm

GeneLovesJezebel · 28/03/2022 07:51

My kids were given squash when little, now they all drink water.
Be glad that he’s happy to try new foods, there are people on here whose kids eat a very restricted diet .

Original poster
Openmuddyfields · 28/03/2022 07:52

ask nicely - he only says Mama dada and Hiya.

There is a consensus here and I will take on I am unreasonable. My concern re the biscuits and the squash is that he’s grazing a lot and not eating proper meals as much. I also don’t think it’s great that he’s demanding food from us when we are eating but as I’ve said I’ll take on board I’m unreasonable with that.

OP posts:
fairylightsandwaxmelts · 28/03/2022 07:58

@Sorryfornamechanging

He’s going to eat biscuits. He’s going to drink squash. You need to relax a bit. There’s a balance here to be had though. Every day, not ideal. the shouting and demanding not ideal. Those are the things to work on. But I think suggesting something is horrible (unhealthy possibly a better term) demonises certain food and we have to be so careful about food around small children. I had a friend who was never allowed anything “bad” and was taught that unhealthy food was all “bad”. As soon as she was old enough she would binge on unhealthy food and ended up having weight and food issues for years. That’s an extreme example of course.
It's not that extreme an example unfortunately.

It's pretty common for children whose diet is unnecessarily restrictive to go on and have issues with food as an adult.

I fully admit to being one of them. I was never allowed things like multipack crisps in my lunchbox, no penguin bars or wagon wheels or mini packs of haribo, no white bread and certainly no fizzy drinks or squash.

As soon as I had access to my own money I went hugely off the rails diet-wise and even as an adult in my thirties, I still have major issues around food. My dad has since been diagnosed with orthorexia which is an extreme obsession with healthy eating.

Unless your child has an allergy, hugely restricting their diets and making certain foods seem naughty (in other words, making them extra appealing!) you're setting them up for a life of issues with food.

Original poster
Openmuddyfields · 28/03/2022 08:00

As I’ve said I have taken on board I’m unreasonable but I do think claiming I’m setting my very young child up for a lifetime of eating disorders because I don’t want him eating McDonald’s, takeaways, very sugary drinks etc throughout the day is quite awful.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 28/03/2022 08:03

@Openmuddyfields

DS isn’t a little baby though - he’s a toddler. I don’t want a child who thinks walking up to people eating and shouting is acceptable.

Something horrible doesn’t mean it’s not to my personal taste, I mean it’s something laden in fat or sugar or salt.

Then teach him to say please
girlmom21 · 28/03/2022 08:05

@Openmuddyfields

As I’ve said I have taken on board I’m unreasonable but I do think claiming I’m setting my very young child up for a lifetime of eating disorders because I don’t want him eating McDonald’s, takeaways, very sugary drinks etc throughout the day is quite awful.
If you don't want him eating and drinking those things don't buy them. Everything in moderation is fine.
Original poster
Openmuddyfields · 28/03/2022 08:09

I don’t buy them, @girlmom21.

That comment above … I wish I hadn’t posted.

OP posts:
NorthernChinchilla · 28/03/2022 08:12

One of my favourite videos is my DD, about the same age, poncing my Mum's toast from her, and being fed bits of it like a baby bird.
She's still the same, you can't eat ANYTHING without her trying to muscle in. She's got an amazingly varied diet and is a whippet.

Toddlers often graze- I remember someone saying your stomach is the size of your fist, ish, throughout your life, so a toddler's stomach is pretty tiny!

Just make sure the Fruit Shoots are the sugar free ones, and you're fine.

Goldbar · 28/03/2022 08:13

OK, I have a slightly different view in that I don't think it's necessary for a young child to drink anything but milk or water. I would stop buying the fruit shoots and ask your DH to stop buying them as well. Juice is a big factor in dental decay and, even if no sugar, artificial sweeteners aren't good for kids.

For the biscuits/unhealthy food, I think everything is fine in moderation and I don't think there's an issue with your DS 'begging' food from your DH (my DC regularly side-eyes things DH is eating, mostly baguette). Having a fussy eater, I think it's good if your DS is trying things in small helpings, even if it's just burgers and corners of hash browns (my fussy eater wouldn't touch either of those!). Hopefully he'll be willing to try similar things and non-McDs burgers.

One thing I do find a bit strange is that he comes up to you/DH while you are 'eating' and asks for food. Why doesn't your DS eat when you eat? I don't blame him feeling a bit left out and wanting a bit of what everyone else is having. Why can't you all eat together (and have snacks together)? The best way to get your DS to eat healthy food is to eat healthy meals together as a family whenever you can.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 28/03/2022 08:15

I'm just giving my experience 🤷🏻‍♀️

No food is "bad" - by labelling it that way, you're going to cause issues.

Is some food better for you than others? Of course, nobody is denying that. But equally, the odd McDonald's or a glass of squash a day isn't going to ruin your child for life - it's all about balance and moderation.

I was the child who was never allowed any of that food. I felt hugely left out at school, and as soon as I had access to pocket money - it all went on the food I was never allowed when I was younger - Coke, sweets, chocolate bars, pick n mix, McDonald's...

Whereas my friends who were always allowed access to that stuff (in moderation of course) never had those urges because they knew what it tasted like and knew they could have some at home too.

Children should have access to as wide a range of foods as possible, including unhealthy foods.

bananatwain · 28/03/2022 08:16

If you don't want him to shout, you and your husband need to say no then ask him 'what's a nice way to ask for some of daddy's food?' and encourage him to say please. He will get it eventually. This part of your post is really quite basic parenting.

Saltyquiche · 28/03/2022 08:18

As long as most of his diet is healthy, a little saturated fat or sugar will be ok. Juice is very bad for teeth though. Personally I’d knock juice on the head by making a jug of orange squash for DS and then over the following months slowly water it down.

FiveForAPound · 28/03/2022 08:19

I agree with teaching him to say please. My dc always ate at the table and would get into their chairs themselves so that could be a more polite way of signalling he would like something to eat rather than the shouting.

I never have understood the idea that if you don't give your toddlers crisps and a Penguin then they rebel,later when they are older. Mine never did and they are 15 and 18 now.

RewildingAmbridge · 28/03/2022 08:20

OP I think you're getting an unnecessarily hard time, DS is 3.5 has never had a McDonald's or squash, it hasn't killed him. The issue here is that your DH is eating these foods regularly enough that you are concerned if he shares a bit with your child. You just need to talk to him, explain your concerns about getting a taste for junk so early. Sharing food with a parent is normal and how they widen their palate , it's unfortunate if your partner eats a lot of junk food. Can you compromise and agree one day a week or something when it's ok but that at other times he needs to be eating his meals because the unhealthy snacks are stopping that? The other aspect is that he's setting you up as bad cop reduce isn't a healthy dynamic.

Mumdiva99 · 28/03/2022 08:24

Eat together. Have the same meal times. Then you can all have the same thing. Then he won't be missing out. If you guys don't snack during the day the LO won't. (Although I do think little kids have tiny tummies and a snack mod morning and mid afternoon is usual. But it can be healthy sometimes unhealthy another time.....bread sticks, cheese, fruit, small sandwich, baby crisps, small biscuits, milk etc).

hugr · 28/03/2022 08:24

Something horrible doesn’t mean it’s not to my personal taste, I mean it’s something laden in fat or sugar or salt.

I think that fatty, sugary and salty things are quite tasty lol. You are going to affect his relationship with food if you refer to these kinds of foods as horrible, rather than fatty, sugary or salty.

Abouttimemum · 28/03/2022 08:24

I actually agree with you in some parts here, while my DS (just 3) does eat all the things you mentioned, he does have proper meals and always has done. So if poor dietary snacks are impacting on him eating meals at home then I do think that’s an issue.

However if he’s still eating his balanced meals then I don’t see it as much of an issue.

My DS does have juice (mainly diluted squash) but if he refused water and milk then I’d stop it.

I’m of the view that everything in moderation is fine.

DS had a dreadful weekend diet as we’ve been away and the food choices were dreadful, so today we’ll probably have a no sugar snacks day ha.

Abouttimemum · 28/03/2022 08:26

And also I do agree that your wording needs to be careful around this, referring to things as treats, calling them bad etc, will make him crave them more, it’s all just food.

You and your DH need to be on the same page. DH wouldn’t give DS a load of biscuits at 5 as he won’t eat his tea (which he makes anyway lol)