Feeling so frustrated about child’s diet - AIBU?

[Openmuddyfields]

Some will probably think I’m being a bit precious and maybe I am, interested to hear views.

DS (16 months) goes to nursery so is fed there mostly, and what he eats is healthy. I’m broadly happy with what he eats. I’m not happy about what he drinks, and I’m probably to blame for this as he was really unwell a few months ago and in desperation to get some fluids into him I bought a Fruit Shoot. DH has now sort of incorporated fruit shoots into his diet and he won’t drink water.

The other thing I’m really not happy about is that DH feeds him titbits like a dog, if one of us is eating DS walks up to us and shouts. I really don’t think we should encourage this by giving him food. The other thing is that whatever DH gives him is unhealthy. He’s had a McDonald’s hash brown, biscuits (he does have biscuits but baby ones) crisps, juice and chips.

I’m starting to feel I can’t leave the room as when I come back ds is eating something horrible and DH is looking like a mischievous child. I don’t want to be the one frowning all the time but I am concerned about habits being formed.

Can you give a bit more of an outline about when/how often this is happening? Because if he’s having his main meals at nursery and just a snack when he gets home, then either your husband is eating a LOT of junk at weekends/when your son gets home from nursery, or you’re fixating on what can’t really be a very large part of his diet.

If it’s the former then I think you need to start talking to your husband about keeping his crisps and takeaways for after your son is in bed, if it’s the latter and he’s just trying a bite of your husbands burger when you go out for lunch on a Saturday then honestly I don’t think it’s anything to worry about.

I also wouldn’t worry too much about tue “begging”. Toddlers want to try things and you can’t really teach him much about asking politely/leaving the last one for someone else until he’s older. DD used to sidle up to anyone with food but has quite good manners now she’s 4!

I use Actikid Multivitamin Drops from Amazon on my two, over 10 different minerals and vitamins with no nasties added! I feel it really helps their diet in getting what they need

I agree with pp that I don't see how this can be a regular problem. Snacks when you're out? It would be very mean to all get an ice-cream on a day out but not allow your DS to have any!

I also think, to an extent, you knew what your DH was like when you married and had kids with him (assuming his eating habits are not a new thing). You can't really expect him to change overnight if he doesn't agree with you.

Also, when I said teach him to ask nicely I didn't mean he literally needs to say please if he's not capable of that. It's not a black and white choice between perfectly enunciated pleases and thank yous and rudely shouting though . As someone else said he could learn a sign or even just to pat your hand when he wants to try something.

Bloody hell... do NOT give a 1 year old fruit shoots!!!!

Water or milk only. You are the adult here.

@Mossstitch

It's perfectly normal for a toddler to want to try everything that he sees anybody else eating, it's part of learning (I use to think mine looked like little birds too with mouths open😋) and I think if you try to teach him please by saying it quietly everytime he asks for something, and delay giving it him for a second or two, he will soon pick it up. It might not be a perfect sound but will be his version of please which is then rewarded by him getting what he wants quicker. As another poster said I would use a fruit shoot bottle but put watered down apple juice in it or full sugar high juice squash, that's what all three of mine had and they have perfect teeth as adults, only one of them would drink water. asda sell a couple of versions own brand for £1.35 which are 50% juice. So long as teeth brushed at night they will be fine, mine always had sugar drinks as I prefer natural to artificial with everything and no fillings among them. Even the one who developed a full sugar coca cola habit much later on🙄! Try to relax, he will be fine even if he is having bits of junk food it's not the majority of his intake and I'm someone who makes most things from scratch and still buys organic milk for my one adult child that still lives with me 😂

You know the op's child is only 1, right?

[quote BaffledMum22]@Openmuddyfields I actually think the problem here is your DH. You need to sit down and talk to him about your concerns and get on the same page regarding DSs eating. I don’t think any aspect of parenting really works if you’re not on the same page!

I have a 16m old too. And I have a lifelong history of weight problems myself. My relationship with food is atrocious despite my best efforts to change. I’m a horrendous binge eater. I piled the pressure on myself from the very start of weaning to do things “right” and admittedly I got myself in a right state over it.
I want DS to grow up healthy. I want him to have a healthy relationship with food. I don’t want any of my habits/issues becoming his. I’ve really tried to relax as much as I can about his eating and we’re FAR from perfect but here are some of the things that work for us:

• wherever possible, we eat together at the table. DS has 3 meals per day and he has snacks in between if he’s hungry.
• neither DH or I eat around DS if he’s not eating (we’re not big snackers though so this works fine for us just as a natural part of our day - may not work for others)
• where we can we eat what DS eats - or at least something similar. I just adapt his version to make it baby friendly.
• Hes welcome to ask for anything off of our plates. I also serve whatever veggies we’re having in a dish in the middle of the table and we all take from there - DS included. This has also been GREAT for his speech. He will point and say “baby/his name...mo” which means he wants more and then I’ll point to each and offer him a choice eg “carrots or broccoli” and he’ll have a go at saying whatever one he wants.
• I really conscious of trying to use positive language about food. Nothing is bad/naughty/treat/yucky etc
• I homemake “healthy versions” of things where I can - so he has pancakes/cakes/ biscuits/ice lollies etc but I know exactly what’s in them. He has these snacks the majority of the time so I now find that I’m much more relaxed about things when we’re out and about - it’s really not the end of the world if he has something a bit fatty/salty/sugary because the rest of his diet is great so I just let him enjoy the new taste 🤷🏻‍♀️
• I do draw a line at juice/chocolate etc. He doesn’t know what these things are and as far as I’m concerned there will be plenty of years where he does know and asks for them (and I’ll happily incorporate them into his diet at that point!) but while he’s still absolutely buzzing over banana pancakes and a cup of water, he can have that 🤣🤣

I do have pretty strong feelings on things to do with food because of my own issues but I’m really trying my best to make food a positive experience for DS. I have actually banned my MIL from being around during DS mealtimes because she just can’t help herself with the negative language despite me repeatedly asking her. She’ll constantly tell DS that cake/biscuit/crisps are “naughty” or if he asks for more she’ll say things like “no no, you’ve had enough, you’ll get a big tummy if you eat that!” 🙄🙄[/quote]
You are an amazing mum!!' Your attitude is awesome!! I also have similar issues with MIL.

@leahM06

I use Actikid Multivitamin Drops from Amazon on my two, over 10 different minerals and vitamins with no nasties added! I feel it really helps their diet in getting what they need

Or, here's an idea... you could chop up an apple, satsuma and grapes. Or cut up some carrot sticks, cucumber and breadsticks. Vitamins do not replace a healthy diet.

12:48Openmuddyfields

@JennySpanner

"Can you accept there will perhaps come a point where he won’t accept new foods, because he’s become accustomed to highly processed, sugary, salty foods?"

I've only known that to happen in extreme cases were children 0-3 have lived on takeaways. My children are 24-36 years old. I worked with children and families and had a lot of contact with families outside of work. Once they start nursery/early years provision eating clicks into place. Dilute juice rather than give fruitshoots and be good with teeth brushing. I'd say that teeth health should be the aim. Life long eating habits aren't necessarily set in childhood.

@supersonicspider, vitamin drops are still recommended because toddlers don't often eat enough to get optimum nutrition. We can do ok without vitamin supplements, but would run slightly deficient. Fruit and veg only have around 30% of the nutrition that it used to in our grandparents day.

@Openmuddyfields

ask nicely - he only says Mama dada and Hiya.

There is a consensus here and I will take on I am unreasonable. My concern re the biscuits and the squash is that he’s grazing a lot and not eating proper meals as much. I also don’t think it’s great that he’s demanding food from us when we are eating but as I’ve said I’ll take on board I’m unreasonable with that.

Eat together then. If course he'll want what you are eating otherwise.

Is there a reason why he is not sitting at the table with you when you are both eating?

@Ponoka7

12:48Openmuddyfields

@JennySpanner

"Can you accept there will perhaps come a point where he won’t accept new foods, because he’s become accustomed to highly processed, sugary, salty foods?"

I've only known that to happen in extreme cases were children 0-3 have lived on takeaways. My children are 24-36 years old. I worked with children and families and had a lot of contact with families outside of work. Once they start nursery/early years provision eating clicks into place. Dilute juice rather than give fruitshoots and be good with teeth brushing. I'd say that teeth health should be the aim. Life long eating habits aren't necessarily set in childhood.

@supersonicspider, vitamin drops are still recommended because toddlers don't often eat enough to get optimum nutrition. We can do ok without vitamin supplements, but would run slightly deficient. Fruit and veg only have around 30% of the nutrition that it used to in our grandparents day.

I agree that vitamins should be used in addition to a balanced and varied diet. The poster seemed to be implying that vitamins could be used 'instead' of a decent diet. I was feeling pretty annoyed when I posted as I'm so sick of people trying to feed their babies highly processed sugary foods... my niece included which is so sad to see.

I would overhaul the diets of the whole family and eat together where you can. And for snacks Lots more fruit and veg sticks, hummus, cheese slices, peanut butter sandwich fingers.

My teens were bored in McDonalds once and were reading out the nutritional information to one another in surprise that one product could give an adult their entire daily saturated fat allowance. It really is terrible food and we now eat it no more than once per month.

And just stop buying fruit shoots, milk or water. They will drink eventually.

Keep a used fruit shoot bottle and use it for the dilution of his juice. He is unlikely to tell a difference as long as you do it gradually

Thanks for your reply @supersonicspider however nowhere in that post did I imply they were a replacement. Supplements are as they say to be used in addition and further ensure they are getting much more than your suggested can factually offer. Plus as Ponoka7 kindly mentioned we all run slightly deficient no matter how good of a diet we may think we have as adults.

Maybe an idea would be not to jump down other mum's throats when trying to suggest items that will infact help other members which was the intention.

Further to this not everyone is in a position to buy such a vast range of foods so if one person has benefited from my suggestion that's great. The vitamin drops are a great addition as they are growing and offer great support to their immune system which I think we would want our children to have given the current climate.

You do need to get rid of the fruit shoots though. I know they are no added sugar etc but it's actually the design of the bottle that's the problem. The cap makes it so that the juice is in contact with your child's teeth for longer and they can cause tooth decay which nobody wants especially in a child so young!