Feeling so frustrated about child’s diet - AIBU?

[Openmuddyfields]

Some will probably think I’m being a bit precious and maybe I am, interested to hear views.

DS (16 months) goes to nursery so is fed there mostly, and what he eats is healthy. I’m broadly happy with what he eats. I’m not happy about what he drinks, and I’m probably to blame for this as he was really unwell a few months ago and in desperation to get some fluids into him I bought a Fruit Shoot. DH has now sort of incorporated fruit shoots into his diet and he won’t drink water.

The other thing I’m really not happy about is that DH feeds him titbits like a dog, if one of us is eating DS walks up to us and shouts. I really don’t think we should encourage this by giving him food. The other thing is that whatever DH gives him is unhealthy. He’s had a McDonald’s hash brown, biscuits (he does have biscuits but baby ones) crisps, juice and chips.

I’m starting to feel I can’t leave the room as when I come back ds is eating something horrible and DH is looking like a mischievous child. I don’t want to be the one frowning all the time but I am concerned about habits being formed.

I'm on the op side. Children should be learning meal times and snacks at sitting together up at the table. Toddlers shouldn't be loose when adults are eating that's really confusing.

If I were the op I'd be ok with tastes of junk food in a planned way not due to begging. That would piss me right off but I've never let my dc eat off my plate!

@Goldbar I agree, nap time / bed time my snacks come out. Absolutely not sharing them with my DS 😂

I sympathise, OP. You’re trying to do your best and your partner seems to be sabotaging you. Sorry if I missed this, but who buys the fruit shoots? I hate them, with their nasty artificial sugars. Too many young children drink them IMO, and I certainly think your DS is too young for them.

In a way, it sounds like your partner is almost mocking your interest in healthy eating and purposely giving your child ‘junk food’ to give him the taste and make you the odd one out. Your reaction might please him - ie he’s upset you. What’s he like in other ways?

Why don't you have meals together? Have decent snacks as a family and if there is the odd sugar ladden one betweenthem, that's fine. Are you never eat out and give you child some food/order a kids meal for him?

Do fruit shots or similar on days out and just stick to water, milk and diluted juice at home. Get decent 100% juice and water it down.

Teach your child to ask nicely, if he can't speak yet, go for simple signs and please/thank you. I am sure the nursery has a system they use for not-yet speaker.

@pastypirate

I'm on the op side. Children should be learning meal times and snacks at sitting together up at the table. Toddlers shouldn't be loose when adults are eating that's really confusing.

If I were the op I'd be ok with tastes of junk food in a planned way not due to begging. That would piss me right off but I've never let my dc eat off my plate!

But if you're eating on the sofa an inquisitive toddler is going to want to know what you've got and share it. That's not begging

[quote Abouttimemum]@Goldbar I agree, nap time / bed time my snacks come out. Absolutely not sharing them with my DS 😂[/quote]
When my DC started wanting to try my crisps, I bought beef and horseradish flavour... it put them off for another 18 months since Mummy's crisps were 'spicy' !

If I were the op I'd be ok with tastes of junk food in a planned way not due to begging.

But toddlers are hardly known for their table manners and self restraint

If daddy is sitting on the sofa with McDonald's or chocolate, of course DS will want some too.

Hell, I'm 33 and if DH was sat on the sofa with a portion of chips I'd be tempted too!

The only thing I would have a problem with is a child that young having fruit shoots regular. He is still very young and it’s easy at that age to get rid of them - even slowly if needed by diluting them. If you don’t buy them then husband can not give them.

Everything else sounds fine, it’s good for children to taste different foods so they don’t just end up sticking to the same foods.

Here's how you solve most of your problems - eat together and cook. Why is your DH scoffing a McDonald's when neither you or DS are eating a meal at the same time? Or why are you and DH scoffing it (you didn't say whether you were eating the same meal as your DH) in front of DS while bleating on about healthy eating habits? How often do you have foods like this in your house? We have a takeaway maybe twice a month at most. Lead by example because whatever you are eating your DS is going to want it and fast food consumed so regularly that you insist your child is constantly being fed junk food isn't doing anyone any favours.

I’m assuming this is a firstborn. I was similar.

DD2’s first solid food was a pancake with chocolate spread on that she swiped from her sister’s plate.

And FWIW DD1 went on water strike when she first had juice. She’s now 3 and actively asks for water. They soon learn that it’s thirst quenching.

Your husband is a dick.

I think perhaps you didn't phrase it quite how you meant to and other people are jumping on that rather than the problem. I'm guessing you are worried about your family's health. You're both overweight, you want to change and make sure DS doesn't want to grow up overweight but feel powerless due to DH who is constantly on the sofa eating things that should be enjoyed sparingly in a well balanced diet? I mean let's face it you can't sit and eat things on the sofa with DC around if you want to eat all of it! Perhaps speak to DH about keeping these things for nap time/after bedtime or finding something a bit healthier to snack on. In my mind a chippy or a McDonald's are something to have as a meal occasionally not a snack item.

My other thought was does DH actually know how to play with DS when you aren't there? Does DS get bored/realises you aren't there and the crisps and fruit shoot come out to keep him quiet so DH doesn't have to do anything particularly taxing for 20 minutes? It'll be a pain for a while but you could try sitting them down with a simple jigsaw/shape sorter/etc before going for a shower (or whatever else it is you are doing) so that they are engaged with an activity rather than him doling out snacks so he doesn't have to move from the sofa?

@DelilahBucket

Here's how you solve most of your problems - eat together and cook. Why is your DH scoffing a McDonald's when neither you or DS are eating a meal at the same time? Or why are you and DH scoffing it (you didn't say whether you were eating the same meal as your DH) in front of DS while bleating on about healthy eating habits? How often do you have foods like this in your house? We have a takeaway maybe twice a month at most. Lead by example because whatever you are eating your DS is going to want it and fast food consumed so regularly that you insist your child is constantly being fed junk food isn't doing anyone any favours.

I'm afraid I agree with this. It's really tough but the best way to ensure your DS has good eating habits and a healthy relationship with food is to model it to him yourselves as parents.

That doesn't mean no McDonald's or fish suppers, but it means that the whole family (including your DS) gets them occasionally as a meal option alongside other healthier choices that you cook and eat together as a family.

OP bear in mind not everyone reads through the entire thread before they comment, so it may appear everyone is piling on the pressure and repeating themselves instead of series of honest reactions to your OP. As per original post, you do come across a bit precious, but with good intentions I must add.

DS is very little and I agree parents should do what they can to set a solid foundation and teach them good eating habit. Understand basic macronutrients and why they are important. Teach potential danger of high sodium or sweetener (sugar free drinks) and learn to make a healthy choices.

Grazing at that age won’t be an issue for me. But developing anxiety and not wanting to leave the room sounds troublesome.

Also the larger environment has greater tolerance or even preference of junk food, where it is normal/expected to have a pack of crisps and chocolate bar in the lunch box, you are fighting an uphill battle and may result in extreme overreaction as explained by other posters. It is best to educate so that children chooses not to eat them ALL THE TIME and consume in MODERATION.

@Openmuddyfields

I am now genuinely paranoid DS has a speech delay. I think I need to look into this a bit more. Thanks. Would appreciate drawing a line there, it’s upset me more than I thought.

Don't be paranoid! my daughter at 16mo was the same, now at three her speech is absolutely perfect, she didn't really day much until after her second birthday, what you should maybe do is everytime you or your husband give him food say 'TA' and eventually he will start doing the same, toddlers are little sponges they pick things up quickly, it worked for us.

With regards to his diet, again, I had similar and it seems to have corrected itself, I am more of an everything in moderation kind of parent, because like @fairylightsandwaxmelts my mum and gran were militant with my diet and I went feral as soon as I was old enough to dodo, I think the damage to my relationship with food was far worse than me being allowed these things in moderation as a child.

You have a valid concern though, so not sure why you've had a hammering on here to be honest have you spoken with your husband about it? get on the same page, but it may be that you both have to meet in the middle somewhere.

Your son sounds great. He's got appropriate speach for his age, and is curious about food those around him are eating.
DH needs to stop snacking on things when it's not a meal time. If you all eat together, and share tastes of others food, it would be a great example for your son, and expose him to a wide range of flavors and textures. If Macdonald aren't available as snacks, your toddler won't demand them.

I'd probably stop buying fruit shoots too.

Thanks for replies and in particular for the reassurance re the speech. No one has raised any concerns but when someone says to ‘teach him’ to say please as if this is something that can be mastered very easily and quickly you do worry a bit.

The issue with food is that DS has breakfast, lunch and tea at nursery and then when he comes in from nursery I will give him snacks - I don’t think I’m enormously precious because as I say I do give him baby biscuits and crisps. But he also eats fruit and veg. To be fair DH does give him these as well.

The problem is that if DH is sitting around snacking he will give DS some and this has (as someone has said) extended to when we’re out and about as well. I don’t mind an ice cream but there was a point when I’d first started weaning DS when he ate nothing but ice cream despite me trying to do a very healthy weaning diet. It makes it difficult if someone’s working ‘against’ you if you like. I’ve had to cede defeat over the fruit shoots as otherwise DS wouldn’t drink (think he was a camel in a previous life.) but I don’t really want this to be a pattern.

I do cook at the weekend but DS and I will sometimes end up with something different to DH. And if we eat out DH will give DS his food and doesn’t seem to consider it it’s suitable for a baby.

The real problem is it isn’t discussed or agreed on, so I feel as if I’m losing control of parenting in a way. I really don’t want DS thinking it’s OK to grab stuff from other people when they are trying to eat tbh.

Why will your DH not eat the same food as you and your DS do?

For example, if you took turns doing a roast for Sunday lunch, would your DH eat that?

DH is the problem, but I would be really cross if my DH gave my baby a fruit shoot.
I think you need to agree with him what is reasonable and whether he understands why sugary drinks are bad for children.
At 16 months they should only be drinking milk and water.
Personally I wouldn't let them have anything with refined sugar.
It depends on your relationship with DH how you can come to an agreement about what toddlers should eat.

Honestly, when you've got a 15 year old who's regularly tipping pizzas, burgers, sweets and fizzy drinks down his gullet (as well as lots of healthy stuff too!) this worry of yours will be completely meaningless

It's honestly not a big deal. I'd certainly clamp down on him shouting to be fed a tidbit like a dog but that's to do with manners

One thing is you need to relax a bit, little portions of adult foods are fine, these toddler products are new and no healthier anyway. But my suggestion is that you eat together and feed dc the same meals. Then you won't have this issue

But perhaps the best solution is that your dh eats healthier food, why is he eating McDonald's in the house? Seems odd for a grown man

@gogohm

But perhaps the best solution is that your dh eats healthier food, why is he eating McDonald's in the house? Seems odd for a grown man

This is the most bizarre comment I've seen today. Are grown men not allowed takeaways? Or are they just not allowed them in the house?

I do think bringing a Mcdonalds home to eat on the sofa isn't grown up behaviour (in our house).
Takeaways are occasional shared events.
My teenager goes to Mcdonalds with his mates.

Are fruit shoots not just squash?

My kids only ever have them if we’re out for a meal. Why would you have them at home? Refil one with squash and slowly reduce the amount. He won’t know any different.