Page 7 | Neighbour from downstairs doesn't stop complaining about my 2 year old.

Fraaahnces · 27/03/2022 22:58

Omg… Why is everyone dissecting everything in OP’s post to try and make her appear unreasonable? If she had described her situation as being “a family of crack addicts” or “being a family of drummers”, that would have immediately altered the context to paint an entirely different picture. But no… she tried to describe that she led a quiet life with her family. No wild parties, no doof doof boom boxes, etc.

@HipsterMum - you are also entitled to a peaceful enjoyment of your home. You are not doing anything outrageous. He needs to be told that you will not stand idly by while being bullied in your own home. Let him know that you are keeping a diary of his harrassment and will report him to the police. If you do this, that will be logged as an official Neighbour dispute and he will need to disclose this if he intends to ever sell the place.

beansonpizza · 27/03/2022 23:01

Fuck that. You are entitled to live in your own home. As are your children. If he doesn't want to hear living sounds (Inc steps) he can move to a house.

You have been more than reasonable.

I have lived in an apartment for 15 years, when we had DC we moved to ground floor. But it's just a fact of life. People make noises.

LemonJuiceFromConcentrate · 27/03/2022 23:02

Academic work is not only typically quiet, it’s also typically flexible and I imagine the OP by including her job in that first post was partly intending to convey that context about how her day to day life works. But even so she has people berating her for supposedly ignoring her child, as if her work from home was in some sort of high-volume sales role with her glued to a headset all day.

Meanwhile, a whole separate set of people are piling in to sneer at her for mentioning it at all.

This fucking place. I mean I love you all, but ffs

LindyLou2020 · 27/03/2022 23:05

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

I just wouldn’t answer the door. If he caught me on the way out, I’d smoke sweetly and change nothing.

How do you "smoke sweetly"? 🤔🤔🤔 It's ok, I know it's a typo - but couldn't resist!

LemonJuiceFromConcentrate · 27/03/2022 23:08

As for this:

Try teaching your children that they since they live in a flat and not in a detached house that they are to remember that they have neighbours directly below and it is not fair.

Right, yes, try that! because toddlers are really great on stuff like the distinction between detached houses and flats, and implications thereof. Also they’re super good at grasping abstract ideas about the experiences of people they cannot see, who might be disturbed by their noise, and applying that understanding to their behaviour in a disciplined manner.

Christ on a bike

Devilishpyjamas · 27/03/2022 23:16

I think you just have to tell him to fuck off OP. Or ignore him. He is not going to see reason

My friend lived in a downstairs flat when her Son was about 2. Her upstairs neighbour used to complain about him running. I was there once when he moaned and her son was doing nothing. Just moving in a typical toddler way. And my friend was downstairs so complaining neighbour must have been lying with his ear to the floor. I think some people just cannot tolerate children at all. Their problem tbh.

EIisheva · 27/03/2022 23:18

It’s hellish living underneath people without carpeted floors, absolutely awful.

I would be complaining to the landlord though, not to you.

I raised my children on a flat and it was horrendous- especially when I couldn’t even train my children to sleep properly because there would be some patronising arshole at the front door - totally feel your pain here.

LottyD32 · 27/03/2022 23:18

he does sometimes run from one room to another

Yabu.

RedWingBoots · 27/03/2022 23:47

Kids crying, talking and playing aren't a noise nuisance.

So ignore him ringing your door bell. In fact next time he does shout through the door that if he doesn't go away you will call the police as he is harassing you. Then if he doesn't go actually report him.

If he approaches you outside your flat about the noise be very forceful and loud in telling him to go away. Scream if necessary to get him to leave you alone.

If he wants to complain about the noise then he should approach your husband not you on your own. Though your husband should tell him to go away when he approaches as the sounds of children living are not a noise nuisance.

It is actually a disadvantage to him if you call the police or any authority as he will want to sell his flat, and he will have to tell potential buyers there are issues with neighbours.

The fact that he can hear you hoovering which upset him means there is an issue with the construction of the flats. Putting in carpet will dampen the noise very slightly but it won't get rid of it.

Both myself and one of my sisters at completely different times had similar issues. The men complaining were the ones who ended up moving.

Mummy1608 · 27/03/2022 23:59

@PeachesToday

She didn’t mislead you.

OK I admit I assumed she worked full time and was incorrect.

But she also says her ds is in bed from 6.30pm to 7.30am plus a 2 hour nap so there definitely is some exaggeration going on!

I guess it's aibu isn't it... some ppl come on aibu just to get some yanbu solidarity, while others tell a detailed story to get different perspectives, like getting opinions they wouldn't have thought of.

So I said upthread, wfh is unreasonable with a toddler unless you work under 4 hours a day. Op replied no it's possible to wfh and be an interactive parent. But now she says she does work under 4 hours a day.

So, that's fine then, she is not being unreasonable after all, I am relieved her ds is getting lots of attention

gumball37 · 28/03/2022 00:37

@HipsterMum

We are a family of academics with 2 boys who are 5 and 2 years old. We are currently renting a lovely flat in a large block of flats where the walls are quite thin. We can hear a lot happening in other flats and unfortunately, our neighbours from downstairs can hear us too. We are not particularly noisy, my husband is at work full time, my eldest child is at school and after school he is usually quietly playing with his toys. My youngest is still waiting for his place in the nursery and as I am currently working from home, I look after him in the house. He is not particularly noisy, we don't allow scooters, big cars around the house but he did just discover running so he does sometimes run from one room to another although we continuously tell him to walk gently. Yet he is still a child.

For 2 years we had no problem with any neighbours. The couples living next to us are lovely so is the elderly gentlemen who is completely understanding of some extra noise especially during school holidays and weekends. My kids are always in their bed at about 6.30 reading and then straight to sleep. They wake up normally at 7.30 am and we encourage them to do quite activities like drawing in the mornings. If they get too loud or start jumping off somewhere in the mornings for example on Sundays, we stop this straight away. They also wear soft slippers at all times.

A few months back an owner of the flat below ours decided to move back in (it was rented out before therefore we had no problems with previous people). He hasn't stopped coming up to us and knocking on our doors since. The first time he did it, we were all sick with covid for 10 days. He came on day 2 of isolation and asked us to take the kids out to the park as he couldnt listen to their little feet. When I hoover the floors at 3 pm , he starts banging. When my youngest runs to the loo he bangs. We had relatives over who we not seen for 4 years because of the lockdown and the kids were meeting them for the first time and were opening presents and being excited he was at our door at 2 pm on Sunday saying we have to tell our kids to simply stop walking because he cannot stand it.

We talked with our landlord about the carpets (we have some mats around but thats not enough) but he wouldn't pay for them and he doesn't want carpets permanently placed in this flat anyway. Furthermore, our eldest has got a bad dust allergy so carpets are really difficult, that's why I hoover quite a lot. We invested in a couple of more rugs but I don't think it will make much of a difference. He threatens us that he will continue to come and bang on our front door because he cannot enjoy his life because of our 2 year old. He says we are not being considerate of others and we should be able to tell our kids to stop because he can hear their steps from 9 am till 6 pm. But I cannot tie them up to their chairs or threaten to punish them each time they walk in the own flat. I am at my end with this man. This man suggests I tire them in the park because that's what real parents do (I doubt he ever had kids) but I cannot be with them in the park every weekend from 9 am till 6, can I? We are out most of the days and i do tire my youngest out with the scooter but kids still walk after the park.

What I am asking of all of you is what else can this neighbour actually legally do? What else can I do? My husband says I should not open the door when I am in the flat alone with the little one and tell the guy to stop this harassment. We don't mind moving somewhere else, possibly on the ground floor in the future but we enjoy this flat at the moment as it is right next to my sons school and we live a happy life here.

I understand many people don't enjoy children with their annoying little feet but bloody hell they are humans and not robots.

Respond with "YES! A trip to the park can do wonders! Sounds like you have a good plan. Enjoy yourself, as while at the park you won't hear my children in our flat."

Sunnytwobridges · 28/03/2022 00:55

@ladydimitrescu

YANBU about the noise - it's during perfectly reasonable hours. He is simply ridiculous. Write him a letter asking him to direct all complaints to your landlord, and threaten to call the police if he continues harassing you. Do not open the door to him any further.

YABU for writing you are a "family of academics" when it has absolutely nothing to do with your post.

Agreed. Was trying to figure out what being an academic has to do with this issue

Anyway I’d move if possible

Notcontent · 28/03/2022 01:15

@HipsterMum I was in exactly the same situation as you when my dd was little. Loved in a lovely flat in a period mansion block but had nightmare neighbour who complained about the sound of my dd during the day and made my life a nightmare. I became so paranoid that on weekends I tried to be out of the house as much as possible. In the end I moved.

In that situation carpets don’t really make much difference. The real issue is the terrible lack of sound proofing in most housing in the U.K.

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/03/2022 01:18

I am guessing that he moved in from the home he used to share with his (STBex) wife because she kicked him out for being a prick!

I agree with saying that any further visits will be recorded and that you will report him for harrassment.

MammaMacgill87 · 28/03/2022 01:20

I have four kids, I'm from an 'academic background but am now a rented council scummy mummy' 😒🤣 (sorry couldn't help it)
, and live in a flat, second floor. Sometimes the noise within my own house makes me want to jump out a window. Downstairs also has kids as does upstairs.
My flat is fully carpeted I try my best to discourage noise but it's still inevitable.
What I'm getting at here is what you think is reasonable normal noise of every day living, will infact be genuine hell for the man downstairs. Like almost unbearable.
Upstairs from me has wooden floors and a toddler and a dog and 4 adults and there are days I could (and have) cried with sheer frustration at the noise. (Especially because in the evenings around bed time my kids are quiet and into bed and the noise from all the other flats is deafening it bores into your brain)
If you don't yourself live with children your baseline for acceptable noise is already lower.
Buy some cheap runner carpets and lay them out. Buy the guy an apology gift, write a letter saying your trying your best to dampen the noise, but you'd appreciate it if he didn't knock the door again and deal with your husband/landlord if the issue is too much.
But again let me assure you it's is a form of mental torture, if I had an accessible alternative I'd certainly NEVER inflict myself or anyone else to living below young children, it's not practical or fair for any party. I'm sure your acdemia could afford you a move perhaps that's the best suggestion.

RiojaRose · 28/03/2022 01:26

Consider having a party with about 12 of your children’s friends. After that perhaps your unreasonable neighbour will reconsider his position.

VyeBrator · 28/03/2022 01:28

@TabithaTittlemouse

I don’t understand why you included that you are a ‘family of academics’ in your post?

I must admit it did make me laugh

SouperNoodle · 28/03/2022 01:29

@LottyD32

he does sometimes run from one room to another

Yabu.

How is she BU? Have you ever met a 2yo?

Sapphireskies · 28/03/2022 02:01

It seems like he is being a bit too dramatic and needs to get a life.

User310 · 28/03/2022 02:06

@Toottooot

.. no, probably just quieter than an online gym instructor or a singing coach or a dancer.

Your reply is idiotic.

HappyDays40 · 28/03/2022 02:07

So a child isn't parented by academics is bound to be the cause of a noise complaint. He can probably feel the virtue signals seeping through the beautiful paper thin walls. Jeez.

Ihavehadenoughalready · 28/03/2022 02:24

I had a downstairs neighbor who would come to the door to complain about us for the same thing, although mine are older. The first couple times I was extremely apologetic and tried to get the kids to never run...."remember our floor is someone else's ceiling". Well, the third or fourth time, I do believe I rolled my eyes a bit and sighed a little.

I preemptively wrote the landlord about what I felt was her over-complaining and suggested if she wanted zero noise from children perhaps she would be happier in a retirement community, not an apartment complex that allows and welcomes families,

The landlord was sympathetic and I've had no more complaints. She still lives beneath us, but we are quieter now too. The height of her complaints came when we were all stuck at home doing virtual school. Which did Not Go Well.

Hang in there! Your neighbor is being unreasonable, not you.

RustyShackleford3 · 28/03/2022 02:32

I'd probably start ignoring him as much as possible. If he knocks, don't open the door. Maybe he'll eventually give up.

I imagine he's already reported you to the police or council or whatever, and they've probably rolled their eyes and not done much.

If his behaviour becomes intimidating then call the police.

I do agree with the PP who said it's ridiculous to have hardwood floors in a flat. Your landlord sounds like a bit of a numpty. But there's not really anything you can do about that.

fluro · 28/03/2022 02:38

Do the people being so rude about ‘family of academics’ understand that academic is a job title? Would you be the same if someone said ‘family of accountants’? It would have the same implication of quiet, seated work.

LoisLane66 · 28/03/2022 02:53

@TabithaTittlemouse
Oh I do...definitely 😉😁