To leave a sleeping nearly 13 year old for 2 hours at night?

[Sarahcoggles]

WWYD.

Single parent.
Next Saturday DS1 is going to an event and will need picking up at around midnight. I will be out of the house for about 1.5 hours, possibly a bit longer. There’s no one else who can bring him home.
DS2 is nearly 13 and he’ll be asleep from 10pm at the latest.

My Mum lives 2 doors down, and has said she can come to my house while I collect DS1. But she can’t stay all night as we don’t have a spare room, and she usually goes to bed really early, so this will be massively disruptive for her. She’s very elderly and not a great sleeper, so this will wipe her out for a couple of days.

Or I could leave DS2 on his own, having obviously discussed it with him first to check he’s OK with it.

There are no other options, apart from a taxi for DS1 which would cost about £100. We’re very rural so no public transport.

What would you do? I feel awful about both options. This event is all a bit last minute, hence not thinking about it till now.
No local babysitters.

Can DS2 stay at your Mum’s house instead? Or how about she stays at yours and then you stay at hers when she gets back?
I think 12 is old enough to be left personally but if you’re concerned, I think they’re your best options.

Can DS2 stay at your mums? Personally at night I wouldn’t do it

Actually can’t you take DS2 with you to pick up your eldest?

I'd say it's fine as long as he knows you'll be out and has access to a phone and keys to front and back door.

How about

Your mum stays at your house (sleeps in your room)

Then you and DS1 sleep at hers.

I would say the same as previous posters, can DS2 stay at your mums? You would never forgive yourself if something, however unlikely, happened.

He will be fine.

I really wouldn’t think twice about this, just leave him sleeping and you’ll be back within a few hours. It’s hardly a big deal.

Again he stays on your mum's sofa for the night

What can happen realistically. I know everyone will say fire, burglar …. but the chances are very small. He’ll be fine

I think that's OK. We' ve let 13 yo at home in late evening when going out locally, you just have to check it's OK with them.

DS2 staying at your mum's house is a good idea. Alternatively, I'd take him in the car with me rather than leaving him alone in the house at 12.

DS2 refuses to stay at my Mum’s house - I don’t blame him - she’s a hoarder and every room is rammed full (that’s a whole other thread, long story, I’ve long since given up trying to help, after decades of offering). So it’s not really an option for any of us to stay there.

I considered taking DS2 with me but then he’ll be exhausted too.

I think I’ll speak to DS2 and see what he thinks.

Will your mum get a good nights sleep anyway if she’s worrying about her grandson next door all alone?

I’d ask DS2 to either come with & sleep in car - make it an adventure/go somewhere nearby with him for the evening (cinema etc) or to stay with his nan. I realise staying with Nan would probably be unpopular.

I don’t think anything bad would happen leaving him in bed alone, but nevertheless I’d worry. It’s not like popping out locally, that’s a long drive away.

He's nearly 13, he'll be fine.

Do you never leave him alone in the day?

Oh goodness he will be absolutely fine

I think you’re overly thinking this and peoples feelings, still your youngest in the car with a blanket, it’s one day of tiredness

Why not take DS2 with you? Surely a kid that age can cope with being up after midnight as a one-off?

(Disclaimer- I was used to being up until midnight or 1 am from 7 or 8, as all my family were night owls.)

Completely fine for a standard NT 13 year old who knows where you are, and has access to a mobile phone number and a trusted adult two doors away in case of emergencies.

Nothing will happen between midnight and 2 am that couldn't happen between 4 and 6 pm for all the thousands of thirteen year olds who fend for themselves after school. And far less likely that he'll be up and burning down the kitchen making oven chips.
13 year olds used to babysit in my young days.

I'd leave him. Obviously tell him in advance. Make sure he has a mobile and leave him a key so he can get out in an emergency.
Turn off any fires, candles and dont have the dishwasher, or tumble dryer on.

Just take DS2 with you, one late night won't matter, Although, technically, he's probably safer in bed than in a car on rural back roads in the early hours.

Just take him. Who cares about one late night on a weekend? Lie in Sunday job done.

They can take a blanket in the backseat.

I wouldn’t leave them under any circumstances at that age.

Having your mum two doors down is a massive help with this situation. I think you should discuss it with your youngest and your mum, but providing she wakes up for the phone easily, and that it’s easy for her to pop round or for your youngest to go to hers (2 doors down as in 30seconds walk, rather than 1km down the road), I think it’s fine to let them both sleep in their own beds, knowing grandma is available for grandson at a moment’s notice if he needs her or wakes up lonely or scared. If they (or you) prefer, either grandma can come and sleep in your house or grandson could sleep at hers for the night. As a pp said, if there’s not space for all 4 of you in the same house, you and DC1 can sleep at the other house when you get back.

Oops, he's 12 not 13. Advice still stands.

But in the car covered in a blanket is also a perfectly good plan. It's not like you'd be dragging him across two buses and two trains in the dead of night.

Just leave him asleep. He'll be fine.
The house will be locked, he'll have a phone and grandma nearby.
Just make sure everything is switched off, as pp said.