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AIBU?

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Original poster

To leave a sleeping nearly 13 year old for 2 hours at night?

134 replies

Sarahcoggles · 27/03/2022 10:52

WWYD.

Single parent.
Next Saturday DS1 is going to an event and will need picking up at around midnight. I will be out of the house for about 1.5 hours, possibly a bit longer. There’s no one else who can bring him home.
DS2 is nearly 13 and he’ll be asleep from 10pm at the latest.

My Mum lives 2 doors down, and has said she can come to my house while I collect DS1. But she can’t stay all night as we don’t have a spare room, and she usually goes to bed really early, so this will be massively disruptive for her. She’s very elderly and not a great sleeper, so this will wipe her out for a couple of days.

Or I could leave DS2 on his own, having obviously discussed it with him first to check he’s OK with it.

There are no other options, apart from a taxi for DS1 which would cost about £100. We’re very rural so no public transport.

What would you do? I feel awful about both options. This event is all a bit last minute, hence not thinking about it till now.
No local babysitters.

OP posts:
SexyLittleNosferatu · 27/03/2022 13:38

@user1477249785

I'm surprised at these answers. I can't see a problem at all with leaving a 13 year old for a couple of hours provided they are ok with it. By 14, I was babysitting!
Unbelievable isn't it! I have to keep checking that he's nearly 13, not 3. The idea that a 13 year old can't be left at home for 2 hours 🤣
AtiaoftheJulii · 27/03/2022 13:39

The only thing I can think of is if you have a car crash and he's left alone a long time

If I had a car crash I’d be much happier if I didn’t have my 12 year old with me!

Herejustforthisone · 27/03/2022 13:40

I’d leave him, I’m sure he’d be fine and if he wasn’t, surely a teenager would have the wherewithal to either go two doors down, or phone you?

StrawberrySanta · 27/03/2022 13:43

@AtiaoftheJulii

The only thing I can think of is if you have a car crash and he's left alone a long time

If I had a car crash I’d be much happier if I didn’t have my 12 year old with me!

Yeah me too I just mean then she'd be away longer than 2 hours so needs to be able to contact him
gogohm · 27/03/2022 13:44

I think it's ok given the close proximity of your mum as long as they are sensible, age is far from the only factor, some 13 year olds are more sensible than done 17 year olds!

Midlifemusings · 27/03/2022 13:48

If he is fine with it, I would leave him for sure. I would be sure he has a phone in case he waked up and needs something. Chances are he will just sleep through your absence.

JustLyra · 27/03/2022 13:55

@Sarahcoggles

Thank you everyone. DS2 says he’ll be fine in his own, but I’ll have a think about it. My Mum’s house is 2 doors down in a terraced row, so literally seconds away, in a sleepy village.
Unless there is something you haven't said - additional needs, problem neighbours, your DS2 being untrustworthy in some way - then I can't see why you wouldn't leave him?

He's got help 2 doors away, it's a sleepy village and he's an early bedder so likley to sleep through it anyway.

Flickflak · 27/03/2022 14:01

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

DogInATent · 27/03/2022 14:07

Take him with you, leave at 10 for the pick-up, take the scenic route, McD's/chip shop car picnic on the way, and he gets to choose the music on the car radio. You never know, it might be fun.

KosherDill · 27/03/2022 14:10

I was babysitting late at night for infants at 13, pre mobile phone days.

So leaving a reasonably responsible 13-year-old for two hours doesn't seem risky to me.

ToastedCrumpetwithCheese · 27/03/2022 14:39

If he's happy to be left, then I'd leave him as you say, your mum is two doors down. My daughter is nearly 13 and she'd rather stay at home asleep. She regularly stays at home if I have appointments with my youngest.

I'd turn off any non-essential applicances just for safety, but I'm a bit of a worrier, and make sure they can unlock the door from the inside.

Mangogogogo · 27/03/2022 14:50

I’d take mine with, but then I have no knowledge of children that sleep before 10pm Grin

Silverclocks · 27/03/2022 15:12

If you're not happy DS2 stays at your mum's, but a 13yo really should be fine. Especially with GM a couple of doors away and rousable by phone if really needed.

PugInTheHouse · 27/03/2022 15:16

I have left mine at that age for short times, it really should be fine for an NT 12/13 yo as long as they are happy to do it. Your mum is really close by so can't see an issue at all.

Eylis · 27/03/2022 15:19
LynetteScavo · 27/03/2022 15:22

He'll be fine! As long as you lock the house and have smoke alarms it's probably safer than him coming out with you. Ask you mum to have her phone next to her bed just incase.

I've never met a 12 year old who would have a nap in the afternoon, but maybe that's just the kids I know.

HW1989 · 27/03/2022 15:31

I’m sure I was left alone to babysit other people’s kids by 13 so would say it’s fine. But obviously depends on what your son is like and what he’s used to.

ZippeeDeeDoohDah · 27/03/2022 15:32

I'd personally leave him, but if you are not comfortable, and he doesn't want to sleep at your mums, either one of you takes the sofa so your mum can have a bed (if she agrees!), or he comes with you.

Lindy2 · 27/03/2022 15:35

A nearly 13 year old should be perfectly capable of being left alone for a few hours, particularly with a family member only a few doors away.

As long as he knows the plan so he doesn't wake up and wonder where you are, I'd be perfectly comfortable leaving him asleep.

You have to let them grow up sometime!

TheOccupier · 27/03/2022 15:41

Totally fine to leave him if he's OK with it. At that time on a Saturday it's more likely that he'd be in a car accident if you took him with you than that anything will happen to him at home in his own bed!

Pantsomime · 27/03/2022 15:42

If he’s happy to be left, you could leave him, things to consider

  • your poor hoarding mum is unlikely to be able to help and may sit up all night fretting
  • I read that smoke alarms are the wrong decibel for children so they don’t wake up
  • if you did have a crash, he won’t know where you are
  • will he wake up and panic if you are not there
easylemonsqueezy · 27/03/2022 15:45

Leave him to sleep with a phone if he needs you.
From a mum of 3 boys.

Luredbyapomegranate · 27/03/2022 15:45

It’s old enough to be on his own, phone by his bed and instructions to go to your mum/neighbour with any problems.

ChocolateDeficitDisorder · 27/03/2022 15:57

My DM was a single parent in the 70s and worked full time.

From the ages of 5 & 7 DB and I walked home from school (15 mins city centre walk) and let ourselves into the house to wait until she got home 2 hours later from her office job.

We had the TV to watch and made ourselves jam sandwiches.

We both escaped entirely unscathed.

Chasingaftermidnight · 27/03/2022 16:30

I think it depends to some extent on his personality and only you can judge that. But in general I think it’s absolutely fine to leave a neurotypical 12/13 year old alone in their own home with a phone and a trusted adult asleep a few doors down.