Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave a sleeping nearly 13 year old for 2 hours at night?

134 replies

Sarahcoggles · 27/03/2022 10:52

WWYD.

Single parent.
Next Saturday DS1 is going to an event and will need picking up at around midnight. I will be out of the house for about 1.5 hours, possibly a bit longer. There’s no one else who can bring him home.
DS2 is nearly 13 and he’ll be asleep from 10pm at the latest.

My Mum lives 2 doors down, and has said she can come to my house while I collect DS1. But she can’t stay all night as we don’t have a spare room, and she usually goes to bed really early, so this will be massively disruptive for her. She’s very elderly and not a great sleeper, so this will wipe her out for a couple of days.

Or I could leave DS2 on his own, having obviously discussed it with him first to check he’s OK with it.

There are no other options, apart from a taxi for DS1 which would cost about £100. We’re very rural so no public transport.

What would you do? I feel awful about both options. This event is all a bit last minute, hence not thinking about it till now.
No local babysitters.

OP posts:
TreatTrimTame · 27/03/2022 12:22

Could you or DS1 sleep on the couch when you get back and your DM have your bed? Its only for one night and would be safer than leaving a sleeping 12 year old. Flowers

zingally · 27/03/2022 12:27

Just out of interest, what is this event your DS1 is attending that doesn't finish until midnight? Personally I'm struggling to think of any events a teenager (who is still of an age of needing his mum to pick him up, and can't just arrange his own transport/crash at a mates) would attend, that is a midnight finish. And especially one that's so far from home.

Personally though, I think I'd just leave DS2 at home.

Or could you stay in a hotel need DS1s thing, and make a weekend of it?

clpsmum · 27/03/2022 12:27

Can ds2 stay at your mums or your mum stay over at yours?

clpsmum · 27/03/2022 12:28

@Sarahcoggles

DS2 refuses to stay at my Mum’s house - I don’t blame him - she’s a hoarder and every room is rammed full (that’s a whole other thread, long story, I’ve long since given up trying to help, after decades of offering). So it’s not really an option for any of us to stay there.

I considered taking DS2 with me but then he’ll be exhausted too.

I think I’ll speak to DS2 and see what he thinks.

One night being tired won't hurt him tbh I'd take him
MrsSkylerWhite · 27/03/2022 12:29

Is he going to the event alone?
If with someone else, could he get a lift?

ThinWomansBrain · 27/03/2022 12:29

I'd say leave him on his own - but assuming your planning to let him know, and he knows what to do in an emergency

user1477249785 · 27/03/2022 12:30

I'm surprised at these answers. I can't see a problem at all with leaving a 13 year old for a couple of hours provided they are ok with it. By 14, I was babysitting!

Momicrone · 27/03/2022 12:31

Agree, its fine!

Favourodds · 27/03/2022 12:31

What? He's 13, leave him, surely?

Don't kids just come home after school and be alone anymore? We let ourselves in from 11 onwards...?

I don't understand how this is a question or how many people are saying take him!!!

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 27/03/2022 12:31

The choice is he stays in bed or he comes with you .
Personally I'd opt for taking him with you ( if it was my son- he is not sensible !)
Its a one off and not a school night

bellac11 · 27/03/2022 12:32

@user1477249785

I'm surprised at these answers. I can't see a problem at all with leaving a 13 year old for a couple of hours provided they are ok with it. By 14, I was babysitting!
Same here, I was younger but kids are mollycoddled these days
muddyford · 27/03/2022 12:35

Take him with you.

Seeline · 27/03/2022 12:41

@Favourodds

What? He's 13, leave him, surely?

Don't kids just come home after school and be alone anymore? We let ourselves in from 11 onwards...?

I don't understand how this is a question or how many people are saying take him!!!

I'd say that a DC being home alone from 4-6 pm is very different from leaving a 12 yo asleep for 2 hours at midnight.

It's the possibility of NOT waking up that would concern me most.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 27/03/2022 12:44

What do you mean NOT waking up Confused

Seeline · 27/03/2022 12:45

@BigSandyBalls2015

What do you mean NOT waking up Confused
Sleeping through smoke alarm etc
StrawberrySanta · 27/03/2022 12:48

His gran is next door but one. What is really going to happen? Nothing he'll just sleep through and that's that. The only thing I can think of is if you have a car crash and he's left alone a long time, but make sure he and your mum have their phones nearby in case of a phone call during the night

Getoff · 27/03/2022 12:50

In the days when British navy ships had sails, a midshipman, the most junior rank of officer, could be as young as 12 years old.

What an alternative world we live in, those of us who question whether a 13-year-old can be left alone for a couple of hours.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midshipman#/media/File:Henry_William_Baynton_by_Thomas_Hickey.jpg

bellac11 · 27/03/2022 12:52

[quote Getoff]In the days when British navy ships had sails, a midshipman, the most junior rank of officer, could be as young as 12 years old.

What an alternative world we live in, those of us who question whether a 13-year-old can be left alone for a couple of hours.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midshipman#/media/File:Henry_William_Baynton_by_Thomas_Hickey.jpg[/quote]
You know everyone is going to jump on you now and accuse you of not caring about childrens needs and wanting children up chimneys again dont you??!!

newmum1976 · 27/03/2022 13:01

I’d 100% leave my dd of the same age if I had to collect her older sister. And she’d be looking after her 5 year old brother too.

zoeFromCity · 27/03/2022 13:07

Wow, why is this an issue? Everyone can sleep in their own bed. 12 yo go to his room before mum leaves and has phone charged and handy. Grandma has phone available and sound turned on.
Actually, in this age (12) and unless the child have severe SEN, even a good neighbor could be enough.

Maireas · 27/03/2022 13:08

[quote Getoff]In the days when British navy ships had sails, a midshipman, the most junior rank of officer, could be as young as 12 years old.

What an alternative world we live in, those of us who question whether a 13-year-old can be left alone for a couple of hours.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midshipman#/media/File:Henry_William_Baynton_by_Thomas_Hickey.jpg[/quote]

Those were the days.
Actually, from 13 I was babysitting other children. No mobile phones!

FairyCakeSprinkles · 27/03/2022 13:18

@Favourodds

What? He's 13, leave him, surely?

Don't kids just come home after school and be alone anymore? We let ourselves in from 11 onwards...?

I don't understand how this is a question or how many people are saying take him!!!

I agree @Favourodds, I'm baffled by some of these responses.

It reminds me of a conversation with a colleague who tried to tell me it was 'illegal' to leave a child under 16 unsupervised 🙄. I said what you've just said 'surely they come home from school and let themselves in'. Who is able to be there everyday when a teen gets in from school?

I'd leave him OP provided he is happy with it.

OliveTreees · 27/03/2022 13:22

We leave our 11 yo on their own at night, they’re fine with it. I would never wake them up to pick up their older siblings. If I were you I would’t think twice, unless you son has special needs or is badly behaved and can put himself at risk.

StacyWillis · 27/03/2022 13:24

That is a-ok in my book. I usually leave my sleeping 7-year old by himself at night to go to get a drink because I do need some me time. The media makes it out to be scarier than it is, if it's necessary, your chi,d should be fine.

Lemons1571 · 27/03/2022 13:36

No I wouldn’t. But our view may be coloured as we are house fire survivors.