To leave a sleeping nearly 13 year old for 2 hours at night?

[Sarahcoggles]

WWYD.

Single parent.
Next Saturday DS1 is going to an event and will need picking up at around midnight. I will be out of the house for about 1.5 hours, possibly a bit longer. There’s no one else who can bring him home.
DS2 is nearly 13 and he’ll be asleep from 10pm at the latest.

My Mum lives 2 doors down, and has said she can come to my house while I collect DS1. But she can’t stay all night as we don’t have a spare room, and she usually goes to bed really early, so this will be massively disruptive for her. She’s very elderly and not a great sleeper, so this will wipe her out for a couple of days.

Or I could leave DS2 on his own, having obviously discussed it with him first to check he’s OK with it.

There are no other options, apart from a taxi for DS1 which would cost about £100. We’re very rural so no public transport.

What would you do? I feel awful about both options. This event is all a bit last minute, hence not thinking about it till now.
No local babysitters.

I'd offer him the choices of:
Home alone
Come in the car with you
Stay at Grandma's (I know you've said he won't do this)

And let him decide which would be best.

If you tell him and leave him with a phone he'll be fine.

Surely you just take DS2 with you. One night of disrupted sleep isnt going to kill him. No way I would leave him home alone.

Could your mum sleep in your bed and you take the couch? Two hours during the day wouldn't phase me so much, leaning a sleeping child feels more worrying. Not necessarily so much a fear of burglars or fire, the smaller things like him being woken by sound outside or a nightmare and feeling scared. That's not something he's going to know if he'd cope with unless it happens. It's easy in the day light and bravado, wanting to seem grown up, for him to feel he'd be fine and happy to be left.

Or you could tell DS1 e he can't go to the event unless he sleeps over with friends or he can't go, full stop. Especially since it's a last minute thing. If DS2 is like most kids that age he will be a sound sleeper so give him all the info he needs . Leave a key beside his bed . And go pick up DS1. 12/13 is old enough to be left alone for a short time

Take DS2 with you to pick up. It's a Saturday night so he can sleep in on Sunday. I wouldn't leave my 13 yo alone at night. She would be fine but wouldn't like it

Let him choose, come with or stay at home knowing grandma is two doors away and he can call her if needed. Grandma being so close would be the key factor for me, different in a rough high crime area with no trusted adults near by, but you live very rurally with a grandparent two houses along.

As long as he knows so doesn’t wake up and find you missing, then it is absolutely fine.

How safe is your area?

I would absolutely do this during the daytime but the nighttime would worry me slightly.

I’d probably let your youngest stay awake until then (which they’ll probably love) and go and collect your other DS together and then have a lie in the next day.
It saves any worry or stress.

Can't your son come along for the ride? It won't hurt him as a one off.

I'd say he'd be fine, he's 13 not 3 snd likely to be completely unphased

I think it's absolutely fine to leave him. He's nearly 13!! However, I also think there's nothing wrong with taking him too.

He will be fine! Surely he can just phone his grandmother if there are any problems?

Have you got decent smoke alarms?
Would DS2 wake up if they went off?
Would he know how to get out of the house if they went off, or would he panic?

I'd take him with me if DS1 can't sleep over where ever he is.

I would leave him if you are confident he would wake up if the smoke alarm went off. Mine would sleep through it, so I wouldn't...

@Doveyouknow

I would leave him if you are confident he would wake up if the smoke alarm went off. Mine would sleep through it, so I wouldn't...

They'd sleep through a smoke alarm?!

Thank you everyone.
DS2 says he’ll be fine in his own, but I’ll have a think about it.
My Mum’s house is 2 doors down in a terraced row, so literally seconds away, in a sleepy village.

My DS would've slept through a smoke alarm, at the very least it would've been a while before it woke him. That delay may be fatal.

DD would've woken, but would've been terrified and panicked.

@Sarahcoggles

Thank you everyone. DS2 says he’ll be fine in his own, but I’ll have a think about it. My Mum’s house is 2 doors down in a terraced row, so literally seconds away, in a sleepy village.

That sounds wise. I'm sure he'll be absolutely fine.

So long as he is ok with it, I would.

Mini road trip with DS2...
Get some food, go stargazing/ to the cinema/

Pick up DS1
Done ☺️

@spotcheck

Mini road trip with DS2... Get some food, go stargazing/ to the cinema/ Pick up DS1 Done ☺️

@spotcheck

Or just take him along with you the car and make the trip. Honestly not everything has to be special or a treat for kids especially one that’s almost a teen! Don’t make more work for yourself OP

@MacaroniBaloney

I'd leave him. Obviously tell him in advance. Make sure he has a mobile and leave him a key so he can get out in an emergency. Turn off any fires, candles and dont have the dishwasher, or tumble dryer on.

I agree with this

Or do take him with you but give him a nap earlier in the day, wake him up in good time and make it an adventure.

So he might be tired the next day, its no big deal

Depends on their personality but I think they’re fine on their own age for a couple of hours. A highly anxious child or a child inclined to play with the oven - definitely not - but a calm competent child who knows where you are and how to phone you - sure.