Does anyone else dislike people saying we 'lose our looks' with age

[Mooo111]

I find it sad when I see people say they 'used to be pretty/attractive' etc.
What's even sadder is that some people seem to think that it's all downhill after around 35 and your looks start fading.

Youth is usually associated with attractiveness, but it's certainly possible to look beautiful and be older.

Yes it's true you look older and different, but that doesn't mean any less beautiful, especially if you take care of yourself.

I think you can have unattractive younger people and attractive older people.
We don't lose our looks they just change over the years.

I agree, I hate all this 'mourning the looks I used to have', talk of being invisible and so on

It’s my pet peeve. There is plenty of proof that it isn’t the case but when presented with a beautiful woman past the age of forty there’s the diminishing of her attractiveness by the insistence that it’s all cosmetic work.
It’s a bitter obsession & I tire of listening to it. I know plenty of very beautiful women and they are neither young nor slaves to ‘work’.

@Mooo111

I agree, I hate all this 'mourning the looks I used to have', talk of being invisible and so on

When people talk of being invisible, they are obviously describing the way they feel treated/perceived by others after a certain age/weight/whatever. It’s their experience and their perceptions.

What’s to hate about that?

The perception of others is one thing, how we perceive ourselves is another. I'm a 40 something teacher. I spend most of my time among slender, luminous skinned young men and women. It would be very easy to spend every day feeling fat, frumpy, ungroomed etc. But, I have two lovely kids, a family and dp (not the father of my kids) and lots of friends who think I'm pretty awesome and look happy and lovely in fb pics. I agree with the op that it's really sad that so many women think of themselves as fading and increasingly unattractive. Aging is normal and unavoidable. It's not worse, just different.

Yes it makes me feel incredibly sad. I think a beautiful person can exist at any age. I have an amazing friend who turned 75 this year and she looks so like Helen Mirren; but her beauty also lies in her kindness. It makes me sad aswell that some men think women "hit a wall" after 30. It's just more pressure that women do not need

There are some beautiful older women. But by the standards of our society, most of us become plainer with age. And I refuse to think it unreasonable for me to wish that my face hadn't sunk, and that my jowls and heavy eyelids didn't exist.
It's not just cosmetic. The way my face droops makes me look miserable and grumpy when I'm not..and that affects the way people interact with me, and my relationships, as people read feelings into my face that aren't there. And that is all age related.

I looked better when I was younger, and I think there's a difference between being positive about age and desperately trying to pretend that things are not what they are.

Yes it's something said too much on here.
On MN all 20/30 year olds are beautiful and slim. Which is bollocks. I always think the plain looking people go on about how pretty they were when they were in their 20's. Most attractive people stay attractive despite getting older.
In real life plenty of older women are beautiful and most of them have always been attractive or grown into being good looking as they age rather than the other way round.

Our society/media does very much value youth in women unfortunately - and we are bombarded with advertising for anti wrinkle creams and serums to fight off age. In TV/film the ‘older’ women characters are regularly still played by younger actresses, an actor in his 50s will often have an on screen wife who is significantly younger (but rarely the other way around).

I admire those whose inner confidence can shrug it off, but equally I don’t blame those who get caught up in that narrative - it’s hard to not to when it can feel like a constant barrage.

I think it’s the other way around: women’s magazines and sites like this are full of delusional stuff about women, age & beauty. I understand and have some support for the reason for it, but I still think it’s delusional.

What I object to, is why it matters so much.

Talented, able, inspiring, world-changing women. Why do we bang on about what they look like all the fucking time?

I look like a normal middle-aged woman but I’ve changed some lives for the better. That’ll do.

I think it's ridiculous to suggest that on average, younger people aren't more attractive. That is how nature designs our brains to think. It doesnt mean any one person can't still be attractive, but I'm sorry I'm just being realistic when I say that in my 20s i was slimmer, my hair was thicker, my skin was glowier, and it all took zero effort. I was more attractive. I don't see what benefit it gives me to pretend otherwise. Now am I less of a person now I'm slightly less firm and getting some lines and greys? No of course not. Ageing is a privilege and a great one but every dog has its day.

No it doesn’t bother me

I’m not as good looking as I was I don’t get the attention and special treatment or people telling me. But thats life. I’m still attractive to but not the sexy hot woman i was who could use my attractiveness

I feel it’s sadder that so many cling on to youth. Yes there are attractive older women and men but we have no need to be as sexually attractive as we once were

Some women and men remain good looking but it’s a different attractiveness. Helen Mirren still very attractive but she was really sexy as a young women not so much now but still attractive

I no longer get the attention and it’s fine (unless wanting it from a man I want it from and not getting it then I have a pant of sadness but doesn’t last long)

I see plenty of women in their 50s (yes I know some have had a lot of work done) that would still be considered 'hot' sexy or whatever you want to call it. I think older women will be considered more attractive to older men, I mean when you're 50/60 and beyond who cares whether some 20 year old man finds you attractive or not?

And if I were 50/60 and the men around my age only wanted 20-30 I'd consider it a lucky escape frankly

@HeddaGarbled

I think it’s the other way around: women’s magazines and sites like this are full of delusional stuff about women, age & beauty. I understand and have some support for the reason for it, but I still think it’s delusional.

What I object to, is why it matters so much.

Talented, able, inspiring, world-changing women. Why do we bang on about what they look like all the fucking time?

I look like a normal middle-aged woman but I’ve changed some lives for the better. That’ll do.

Oh thank goodness, someone else thinks the same as me! OP, I find it much sadder that so many women think the most important thing about them is the way they look.

I find that younger men like older women tbh! Not that it matters...my lovely dp still fancies me!

@Mooo111

I agree, I hate all this 'mourning the looks I used to have', talk of being invisible and so on

How old are you?

I think the invisible thing is different and can be very real.

my 18 year old daughter was very obsessed with looks. She got a job in a dementia care home and a few days in said it had really helped her to see that however much she obsessed about her body, one day she would be old and wrinkly and her boobs would sag, and that other things were far more important in life.

@HeddaGarbled

"I look like a normal middle-aged woman but I’ve changed some lives for the better. That’ll do."

I completely agree. Why isn't this valued as more important?? It certainly should be. I hate the way our society values looks over things which should be far more important.

I just started listening to 'The Beauty Myth' by Naomi Wolf which seems to be suggesting it's a way of controlling women by making us obsess over our looks so we don't focus on changing our position in the world.... interesting.

I really think a lot of it is down to our society (I'm U.K.) and the messages we are repeatedly given throughout our lives, primarily by advertising?

In some other cultures older women are valued much more.

I feel lucky to have reached the age I have-40's- (especially after seeing others who haven't ) and I massively value my life experience and how much more I feel I can be myself now.

But it is hard to see my face changing 😕 and that annoys me, because I haven't done anything wrong, as I say, we are privileged to get older but what we are taught is that it's bad and that as women we get less 'valuable' as we get older, I'm fairly sure Men don't get the same message..

Nah. Youth is beauty in men or women anything else - you’re just kidding yourself really.

Yes if we believe or see that society believes our only value is our looks, then of course our value will fade- as the fertility indicators of youth fade. Hence the feeling invisible. But there are so many other things to give us validation and status in society, if that is something you care about, and those things grow over time and with experience. There are only three species that live past menopause; three of the most intelligent: elephants, whales and humans. Let's make the most of it!

The only sane response is to accept youve had your time in the sun. It’s rather sad to try to cling on to it - see why people do too much emphasis put on looks / being sexually attractive for women which is a real shame.

Men fall harder the beautiful handsome boys at my school baldi f overweight bald or grey haired literally unrecognisable.

@MsTSwift

Nah. Youth is beauty in men or women anything else - you’re just kidding yourself really.

I guess beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I have a friend in her early 70's, I certainly think she's beautiful, she's got a lovely face and lovely eyes, she's also a really deep, kind, creative person. Maybe it's a mixture of the two that means I perceive her as beautiful.

Interestingly I recently saw a photo of her in her 30's/40's and she definitely didn't look as good. Her face is obv more wrinkly now, but also more defined which adds to her beauty.

I do accept that people wouldn't necessarily agree but I suppose we all have different ideas of what is beautiful.

Ageism is rampant.

Yes one changes with age, but equating those changes to feeling or looking bad or less attractive is wrong and unhelpful. But so very ingrained that often not recognised.

Yes, people who want a fertile partner will look at someone and assess whether they are likely to be in the healthy (and legal) age group for that. But that doesn't have to be at the expense of demonising those who aren't as ugly, past it or inherently unattractive.