Does anyone else dislike people saying we 'lose our looks' with age

[Mooo111]

I find it sad when I see people say they 'used to be pretty/attractive' etc.
What's even sadder is that some people seem to think that it's all downhill after around 35 and your looks start fading.

Youth is usually associated with attractiveness, but it's certainly possible to look beautiful and be older.

Yes it's true you look older and different, but that doesn't mean any less beautiful, especially if you take care of yourself.

"If you were an attractive 20 year old you will no doubt be an attractive 40/50/60+ year old.

But not as attractive as when you were younger and in your 70s you will look like someone who 'used to be' beautiful. If you reach 100 it won't show at all.

"All the women I know that were beautiful still are. I don't see hardly anyone in real life who was attractive suddenly turn plain as they age."

I could give examples, but it wouldn't be very nice. It definitely happens.

I recently saw Gloria Estefan on YouTube. She's still beautiful at 64, but not as beautiful as when she was younger.

I'm 38 and look miles better than I did in my 20s (face wise anyway)

@Enzbear

I'm happily married and looking good for my age at the time is important to me. Constantly looking at phones and computers is creating jowls at a younger age now.

In general we're ageing better though. I was watching and old clip of Much of a Do the other day and people were marvelling at a man being 76.

Unless you haven't looked after yourself, 'losing the looks' is nonsense.
There are as many young unattractive people as there are older ones.

I dislike all the disparaging posts about women being down on themselves because of their age or weight.

All the 'I'm invisible now' posts are annoying.

It's really sad that the patriarchy has made women feel that over a certain age and weight, their an unimportant part of society.

It's all bollocks, unless you allow yourself to be sucked into it all.

I'm fat, I'm mid forties, and I really am comfortable enough in my skin to not actually give a flying fuck of how I'm perceived by people I neither know, or care about.

I know individuals can't help how they feel due to self esteem issues, but the women I know and love, don't buy into this philosophy of young = attractive/important, older = ugly/unworthy

*they're

@valerianaofficiana

Unless you haven't looked after yourself, 'losing the looks' is nonsense. There are as many young unattractive people as there are older ones.

Sagging and jowls are not somebody's fault neither is wrinkling. They're largely genetic and inevitable to some extent. Even if you have none in your 40s, you will have in your 90s.

It’s strange. I come from so I’m told a good looking family. But looks do decrease with age.

I wonder/worry about one family member (through marriage) who’s had an eating disorder and seems to rely on her looks.

YANBU. I’m still relatively young, I like looking youthful but that’s not the be all of ‘looks’. Not that looks are the most important thing but as I get older I imagine the emphasis on what looks good to and on me will change - I’d like to think that as I age I will be a bit more creative when it comes clothes and jewellery (and have more spare money to do so ) and that looking youthful won’t matter, just looking nice in general. Ageing is a privilege.

You're obviously right that it's not the most important thing, but it matters a bit if you're single and don't want to be.

You are right, looks do matter to most people, single or not. But we can't deny reality, our looks do change.

"Age is just a number" and similar attitudes are great but they apply to things like learning, career, travelling, creating and friendships. Not to looks. Despite the amazing variation in human appearances, you can normally tell someone's age within 2-3 years.

I think this is a bit disingenuous tbh. Yes there are people who still look attractive when they are older, however they almost always looked even more beautiful when they were younger eg Helen Mirren. A stunning 20 year old will often grow into a beautiful older woman. However, in almost all cases our looks do fade slightly. On average, older women aren’t turning heads they way the average younger woman does. It’s basic evolution.. youth is seen as attractive as that is when we are our most fertile so need to attract a mate.

However, I agree with PP - we should be looking beyond beauty. All the magazines showing the beauty of older women etc make things worse. The focus shouldn’t be on beauty itself, but on the people beneath the surface. I think if anything showing lots of photos of women who have been pumped full of fillers or stunning women who have aged well does the rest of us a disservice. Most average women will become less conventionally attractive as they age. The focus should be on accepting and embracing that, not pretending that it doesn’t happen or showing us the exception to the norm to make us feel worse by comparison.
I am only mid 40s but I am comfortable with my wrinkles and grey hair. However, if you believe the media it seems I should be ashamed of growing old naturally. Women in their 20s now are feeling the pressure to have Botox and fillers now which I think is a real shame. Women are repeatedly told that we are not good enough the way we are

All the 'I'm invisible now' posts are annoying.

It’s sad when people feel like this. I wonder how much it is internalised though rather than the truth. And also maybe down to unrealistic expectations. Why do people have to notice you? If I want to be noticed, I make myself noticed, not with my looks but with my voice and through conversation. I’m not a celebrity, I don’t expect to turn heads or need people to register me as I enter the room - seems a bit self absorbed and presumptuous to think that way really. I don’t really understand why people feel they need to be ‘seen’ by strangers.

I am 53 and more than happy with the way l look, the outer body changes yes, inside not so much. If you don' t rely on external validation and just validate yourself you find it alot easier growing older, it matters alot less.
The beauty business makes millions every year by preying on womens fear of looking older, if we all stuck two fingers up and said "This is me and l'm good enough" most businesses would go bust and womes mental health would improve.

""Age is just a number" and similar attitudes are great but they apply to things like learning, career, travelling, creating and friendships. Not to looks."

They don't apply to those things either to be honest. We have less energy as we grow older, we learn a bit more slowly. Of course we can still travel and learn, but it's not the same as when we're young. Friendships are also very different as we get older.

Doesn't really bother me. It's just physical appearance. They bud, they bloom, they fade. I could pour time, energy and money into prolonging and improving my looks but there are so many other much more interesting, fun or worthwhile things to do. Not bothered about being the hottest, youngest looking 75 year old in the morgue.

@DorothyZbornakIsAQueen

I dislike all the disparaging posts about women being down on themselves because of their age or weight.

All the 'I'm invisible now' posts are annoying.

It's really sad that the patriarchy has made women feel that over a certain age and weight, their an unimportant part of society.

It's all bollocks, unless you allow yourself to be sucked into it all.

I'm fat, I'm mid forties, and I really am comfortable enough in my skin to not actually give a flying fuck of how I'm perceived by people I neither know, or care about.

I know individuals can't help how they feel due to self esteem issues, but the women I know and love, don't buy into this philosophy of young = attractive/important, older = ugly/unworthy

Completely agree with all this

I am now almost invisible

It’s certainly doesn’t impact my self esteem it’s the opposite I realise now how I was too tired up in looks being important

Not everyone who feels invisible sees it as negative in their life many post on MN it’s a relief to no constantly have men glare at you

Being invisible at work that is a different matter abs very dependent on the industry you are in. Sadly sexism and ageism particularly for women is rife in most

Some people get their self-esteem from their teenage beauty and as it fades those people start to freak out and lose their sense of identity.

I am a middle aged woman who looks like a middle aged woman and I am ok with that.

I think it all be a bit can be swings and roundabouts. When I was younger I had no wrinkles but did have some whoppers of spots on my face. My bust might have been more firm and arse more pert but I'm fitter, slimmer and more muscled now (at almost 50) because I make more effort with what I eat and fitness. My hair was thicker but I cared for it less so often went too long without it been cut and it often looked messy and unruly. Now I cut it fairly often to keep on top of dryness and split ends. I have more money now for clothes which suit me and nicer shoes and bags. I'm better at doing skin care and make up and have found what suits me best over the years. I am also far less self conscious!

I look better at 53 than I did at 23 I used to have quite a snubby nose and round face but they have thinned out over the years and I think I look far better. I don't look young, but I have more confidence in how I look. I don't want to attract younger men so I don't care. I'm also funny as fuck so there's that. I know other women in their 50's who look very attractive.
The whole invisible thing is so weird. That people spend their youth walking around being validated by men leching after them. Luckily I didn't have that problem. Or didn't notice. :)

Frankly I find not being leched over a blessed relief. And my dealings with random men garage mechanics / men at work etc sometimes used to be really weird and awkward and now I’m older are not. Don’t feel particularly invisible just normal. Life’s much easier actually! I don’t miss it!

Those who are ageist are in their vin de table and lager and kebab years, with unrefined tastes and limited life experience, often lived vicariously via the click of a mouse, but those who are their 50s and 60s are approaching their premier cru years - they get better with age, like expensive wines such as Pavillon Rouge de Château Margaux (for those in their late 40s to 60s), for those who are older they are in their Grand Vin du Château Margaux years.

....and let's not forget that age is just a number, not an identity afterall....

“Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years.”
― Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest

I genuinely feel more attractive now, at 45, than I did in my teenage years. Back then, I did nothing but find fault with myself...

Yeah, I think age has this huge cognitive dissonance around it. We have a "Schrodinger's old person" thing going whereas on the one hand, 80 year old people aren't old - "80 year olds run marathons" is my personal MN favourite- but on the other hand it's outrageous that the government wants you to work till 70. It is somewhat complicated by very varying aging experiences, but I still think that we are all in denial and think that denial is somehow anti-ageist whereas it's quite the opposite.

We get older and we change and generally our physical strength, looks and mental faculties fade a bitand then eventually a lot. That's ok. We also gain perspective, experience and tend to be more considered and less reactionary. Society needs impulsive people and more stable people and we get a turn at each.

PS yes 80 year olds run marathons, extremely slowly and in far smaller numbers than 20 year olds.

I’m better looking at nearly 50 than I was at 24.

We weren’t all luminous willowy things in our twenties. Some of us had crap teeth, shit hair and no sense of their own style…