Does anyone else dislike people saying we 'lose our looks' with age

[Mooo111]

I find it sad when I see people say they 'used to be pretty/attractive' etc.
What's even sadder is that some people seem to think that it's all downhill after around 35 and your looks start fading.

Youth is usually associated with attractiveness, but it's certainly possible to look beautiful and be older.

Yes it's true you look older and different, but that doesn't mean any less beautiful, especially if you take care of yourself.

I was never good looking. Now I'm in my 50s I look even worse and yes, it makes me sad. Sorry

I see attractive older women but it’s not the same no matter how well they look after themselves or what magazines try to tell us because Sophia Loren looks so good or the never ending articles so many men love older women these articles are damaging to women

And most men will find more younger women attractive than older women it doesn’t mean they will want to be with younger women if you are just basing the attraction on physical attraction.

Like cuteness adults are not cute children are we lose our cuteness life moves on

I agree we do not value older women in our society they are often more valued more highly in societies we view as being sexist but for their wisdom that is a form of beauty but not how attractive they are to men

I’m peri menopausal and I just don’t care any more. It’s great not to be so obsessed with looks or how people especially men perceive me. I know many struggle with this (I’m struggling with physicality issues from being peri menopausal) but this feeling I find freeing plus being practically invisible has allowed me to concentrate on other areas of my life and my regret is that it was so important to me being attractive to men

I think real beauty is in the eyes, smile, and personality. Yes, when you are young, you don't have to worry about wrinkles, grey hair, etc but there can be a lack of 'sparkle' in the eye, genuine warmth in the smile, unassuming kindness, confidence, etc. This kind of thing radiates from a person and is a true beauty, it can still radiate through wrinkles and grey hair, if it's missing, it doesn't matter how beautiful you 'look' you will get rumbled very quickly.

Just don’t agree. Of course older people can and are amazing and should be valued etc but objectively from a pure aesthetic beauty perspective youth is beauty. Doesn’t make me sad at all I love looking as these gorgeous young people brings back happy memories I was one myself. It’s really not the same as you get older though however many platitudes you spout it just isn’t - and that’s ok!

@HeddaGarbled

I think it’s the other way around: women’s magazines and sites like this are full of delusional stuff about women, age & beauty. I understand and have some support for the reason for it, but I still think it’s delusional.

What I object to, is why it matters so much.

Talented, able, inspiring, world-changing women. Why do we bang on about what they look like all the fucking time?

I look like a normal middle-aged woman but I’ve changed some lives for the better. That’ll do.

I completely agree and think you've put this really well. I can't understand why people think the solution to older women being dismissed and undervalued because they aren't so physically attractive anymore is to insist, against all evidence, that there's no connection between age and physical attractiveness rather than to question why women can't be valued for things other than their looks.

I always thought that women were most attractive in their late 20's and into their 30's. So for me youth doesn't equal beauty. I'd count youth as under 25.

@FlosCampi, wolves also live past menopause. The older females then mind the young while the younger females hunt. Older female wolves are given a lot of respect. Wolves are up there with intelligent animals.

Absolutely agree Hardbackwritet older women should be valued anyway for other qualities. The fact they are not leaves some older women clinging to their youthful looks which will ultimately fail in a King Canute way. Shame we can’t happily accept the different life stages and move on from over focussing on appearance (as a 47 year old whose friendship group largely gone down the Botox route!)

My self esteem is higher now that I am older and not judged purely on my looks by men. I also sought out this kind of approval constantly and it was exhausting. Obviously I had issues but becoming ‘less attractive’ as I have aged has definitely made me feel better in myself in a perverse way. I now realise there is more to me than that.

I look after a lot of older ladies and some are very clearly still very beautiful. When I help wash them they always ask me to put moisturiser on and I say what was your routine that you've got such lovely skin in your 80s and 99% of the time they say oil of olay

Youth is not beauty. If your face and body resemble a potato with no bone structure or nice features, at 20 you will most probably always look that way.
Some people are attractive and have a fulfilling life, you can have both.
Most women I know in their 40/50s have more time and money to spend on exercise, hair, make up, nice clothes etc. Whereas the beautiful young people can look good more effortlessly doesn't mean that the older ones don't look just as attractive if the basics are there- good teeth, skin, hair, nice regular features. They were the beautiful young people, now all grown up. And yes some of them even look better than they did but certainly better than the plain young people. There seems to be a lot of morbid obesity in the 20/30s age group which doesn't help.

MsTSwift, I agree. I think that I was lucky to have once had “it” in in my youth, and I have fond memories of those days... I love how I look now too, but it is a different look. I wouldn’t bother to try & halt things with cosmetic procedures. As, soon enough I’ll grow into another look & that will suit me then, too.
I know loads of gorgeous women, my age & older. We haven’t lost our looks, rather we’ve progressed on from our youthful look. Which was lovely! Of course it was...

I am 50 and still turn heads. Heads that are also over 50!

I think part of the problem is people's lack of language skills and artistic sensibility (bear with me...)

Youthfulness is often visually attractive, in it's own smooth, simple way. It also tends to come with enthusiasm, energy, and endearing naivety. And youthfulness does fade over time.

But mature bodies can also exude serious charisma. Mature facial features have character. And harmonious proportions (facial bone structure, well-balanced skeleton) tend not to fade over time.

Some bodies keep moving with grace even as they age. And well-looked after, they can keep their strength for a very long time. The rugged, yet well-toned bodies of long term athletes have a beauty of their own.

Bountiful bodies have their own charm as well. The soft warm hugs of my mum and grandma smelt like vanilla cakes and cinnamon and kisses. Majestic, fragrant, wrapped in silky and velvety colourful fabric with mesmerising exotic patterns, adorned with gold and silver and pearls and jewels. Their love could feed an army, their arms could hug an army (of children, and grandchildren, and nieces, and nephews, and friends, and in-laws...). There's no words big enough to properly describe the regal appeal of some extremely motherly yet powerful mature women.

Youthfulness is beautiful, but beauty isn't youthfulness. It covers much more ground than that.

I find older faces fascinating. Youthful faces have a tendency to look almost identical. Individual features start to stand out more as people age. Older faces have more personality.

I loved my smooth, firm, flat, pre-pregnacy stomach. Strong and filled with potential.
My "new" (old) stomach wobbles like jelly. There's still strong muscles underneath, but split, as they took damage. The outer skin layer is paper thin and wrinkly, criss-crossed with stretchmark indentations, as the layer underneath broke down and can't be repaired.
It reminds me of my favourite pair of shoes: battered, accomplished, filled with memories. Some stomachs forget their pregnancy journey. Mine remembers everything. Like book, if you care to read it, it will tell its own epic story of growth, and going above and beyond its limits, and healing.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But you need the right words to say it.

Looks evolve over time. Hormones make that happen. We start off with the little girl look til puberty... then the hormones and fertility hit, skin is plumped up, breasts and bum are taut, lips are full and hair shines. Then we get to our 40s, fertility declines, hormones tail off skin becomes slack, hair becomes dull, lips less full, muscle tone declines, bone density and body's underlying defining structure becomes less strong. We gain pain, sleeplessness and general health issues.

Is it any wonder "beauty" changes. Just accept it for what it is. Looks literally fade.... skin becomes dry/dull
/paler.

Yes it really annoys me. I don't expect to look 20 years old but I'm not planning on letting myself go in 10/20 years time. It's almost an excuse for people to start being lazy and let themselves go.

I agree with the posters saying that on average people are more attractive when they’re younger. Youth itself is attractive, just like bone structure, healthy hair, good figure, etc. It bothers me that we are seen to be letting ourselves down if we believe that. Why can’t it just be something that is accepted?

The op who said it’s plain people who complain about this is definitely right in my case, but really just illustrates this point. I was a very gawky looking child and young teenager and would not describe myself as anything special I’m my forties, but there was a period in my twenties when I just looked really good.

I’m never going to have that glow of youth again, but it doesn’t keep me up at night. A bit sad if I think about it, but no big deal really.

You can prevent those things happening.. look up Ernestine Shepherd, she's an 85 year old bodybuilder who could pass for 40. She has a six pack and not an ounce of sagging skin on her. Yes she's not Caucasian and dark skin does tend to age more slowly but she's phenomenal.
Probably no surgery either, just hard work and determination.

Absolutely last few posters have articulated it so well and definitely on same wavelength as HelloBunny!

Remember years ago was in san tropez with my mum and we saw some women in their late 60s high heels hot pants bride of wildenstein faces. We found it really sad somehow.

@HeddaGarbled

I think it’s the other way around: women’s magazines and sites like this are full of delusional stuff about women, age & beauty. I understand and have some support for the reason for it, but I still think it’s delusional.

What I object to, is why it matters so much.

Talented, able, inspiring, world-changing women. Why do we bang on about what they look like all the fucking time?

I look like a normal middle-aged woman but I’ve changed some lives for the better. That’ll do.

Yes, agree with everything you say.

It’s similar to character qualities that are attractive in the young which really aren’t as you get older (over enthusiasm/ cuteness / naivety / never settling down Peter Pan type men). Embrace the different stages

The older I get the happier I am/more comfortable I get with the way I look (age 47). I don't wear any make up (only ever did up until about 25), trim my own long hair and wear what I like. With age comes the confidence to be who you are and not worry about social expectation.

I won't dye my hair or get Botox or anything else like that, for me having the confidence to get older naturally is attractive in itself. My mum is the same though so I guess I learnt from her that just being yourself, naturally, should be good enough. I want my kids to get that message too - not the 'everyone should look like a Love Island clone' message that is everywhere.

@Enzbear

Yes it's something said too much on here. On MN all 20/30 year olds are beautiful and slim. Which is bollocks. I always think the plain looking people go on about how pretty they were when they were in their 20's. Most attractive people stay attractive despite getting older. In real life plenty of older women are beautiful and most of them have always been attractive or grown into being good looking as they age rather than the other way round.

Maybe that's the difference between pretty and beautiful. I'm only in my early 30s but look so desperately tired. I'm not but I definitely was prettier in my early 20s. I love my kids but they've wrecked my looks

That should I say *I'm not beautiful.
Wish we could edit posts.

This woman is 63. I'd love to look like her, she's really pretty. She doesn't look 20, she looks great, and natural too.

Lovely post, RV. Especially on Mother’s Day!
My Granny was that all-mothering person, even looking after children that weren’t hers.
And I know that my baby feels that same love when held close to my body. Or seeing my face. It’s priceless.