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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Does anyone else dislike people saying we 'lose our looks' with age

108 replies

Mooo111 · 26/03/2022 23:36

I find it sad when I see people say they 'used to be pretty/attractive' etc.
What's even sadder is that some people seem to think that it's all downhill after around 35 and your looks start fading.

Youth is usually associated with attractiveness, but it's certainly possible to look beautiful and be older.

Yes it's true you look older and different, but that doesn't mean any less beautiful, especially if you take care of yourself.

OP posts:

LimeSegment · 27/03/2022 09:59

I don't think there is a question that we lose out looks with age. It is simply a part of growing older, our bodies change, our fertility comes and goes, the body deteriorates and eventually dies.

Whether this matters is the more important question, and I would say that it doesn't. Is "looking good" important, at any age? Not really, not as important as other things anyway.

Arguing that old people are beautiful because they so interesting etc is just proving the point in a way.

And so is bringing up Helen Mirran, seemingly the one older women out of four billion everyone can agree is attractive. Who is quoted as saying that "even I don't look like Helen Mirren" (after her famous papped red bikini photo). And also as saying “Oh no, I definitely don’t look better now than when I was young. Definitely not. Of course I looked better then."

Source: www.theguardian.com/culture/2015/sep/26/helen-mirren-interview-sally-hughes

User135644 · 27/03/2022 10:05

@HeddaGarbled

I think it’s the other way around: women’s magazines and sites like this are full of delusional stuff about women, age & beauty. I understand and have some support for the reason for it, but I still think it’s delusional.

What I object to, is why it matters so much.

Talented, able, inspiring, world-changing women. Why do we bang on about what they look like all the fucking time?

I look like a normal middle-aged woman but I’ve changed some lives for the better. That’ll do.

It's women's mags that are often the worst for it.

LimeSegment · 27/03/2022 10:05

@Mooo111

This woman is 63. I'd love to look like her, she's really pretty. She doesn't look 20, she looks great, and natural too.

But this women has had quite a bit of work done, look how shiny her face is. And she looks great but compare a photo of her to when she was 20 and which one would be more fresh faced and conventionally attractive? I don't mean that in a rude way to her, I'm sure she would agree. That's why she got the work done, to look more like how she did before because she thought she looked better back then.

Booboobagins · 27/03/2022 10:07

I def think unless you've gone through it yourself you have no idea.

I used to be very attractive. I think I still am attractive but nothing like I was. None of us know hiw aging woll affectvus - a really good looking guy from school is now a very old looking 50 sonething who has probs walking. Hes still hilariously funny but...

I have aged in a way I am not happy with at all. One day yiu look in the mirror and wonder where that face came from. I did when I was about 42.

It's no wonder many of us turn to fillers and botox.....

puffyisgood · 27/03/2022 10:09

it's a given that we lose our looks, nothing will change that anytime soon, the most we could do as a society would be to maybe stop fetishizing conventionally attractive/peak fertility female beauty so much. this might have the side benefit of reducing the prejudice faced by trans women, who nearly always look so awful by the aforementioned standards.

Original poster

Mooo111 · 27/03/2022 10:15

Ernestine hasn't had work done though and is more toned than most 20 year olds

OP posts:

User135644 · 27/03/2022 10:19

@Mooo111

Ernestine hasn't had work done though and is more toned than most 20 year olds

She's an outlier though.

HRTQueen · 27/03/2022 10:21

After spending how many hours in the gym?

I’m not doing that or having poison injected into my skin and hoping others won’t notice. You can still look after yourself without fighting the inevitable

It’s really ok getting older don’t waste time worrying about how you will look to others

MsTSwift · 27/03/2022 10:24

Yes an attractive older woman. I’m ok for 47 - but it’s certainly not me that turns heads any more - it’s my daughters. And that’s fine by me!

CounsellorTroi · 27/03/2022 10:25

I’m 60. My hair is still thick and shiny ( I do colour it). I don’t wear makeup. I’m overweight though not obese. I don’t feel like I’ve lost my looks, more that they’ve changed. I’m more confident and happier in my own skin than I’ve ever been. I don’t have that majesty that older women who are mothers and grandmothers have but my different path has given me my own kind of inner strength which I hope shows on the outside.

ClafoutisSurprise · 27/03/2022 10:30

@LimeSegment - yes to the Helen Mirren comments! Bringing up Helen Mirren absolutely proves the point. Literally the exception that proves the rule. I have a friend in her fifties who is very beautiful. But having seen pictures of her as a young woman, she was clearly more attractive than average then and the difference between her and her average peer has grown as she hasn’t succumbed to the signs of ageing that most of us do (she has far fewer lines than I do and is more than a decade older and presumably far further down the menopause journey than me), but she is unusual in this.

Enzbear · 27/03/2022 10:40

"It's a given that we lose our looks"
Not if you never had any to lose in the first place.
If you were an attractive 20 year old you will no doubt be an attractive 40/50/60+ year old.
All the women I know that were beautiful still are. I don't see hardly anyone in real life who was attractive suddenly turn plain as they age.
All this "I was beautiful at 20 but not anymore". It's a nice little story but not true ime.
I don't need to spend hours keeping fit I'm 9 stone, 5 feet 5. I do it because I enjoy it and it keeps me fit. Botox nah

LimeSegment · 27/03/2022 10:46

ClafoutisSurprise Exactly, ask a bunch of people to name an attractive 70+ year old women, you'd get one answer - Helen Mirren. Ask them to name an attractive women under 30, you'd get tens of thousands of different answers, along with most celebs, there are some in most work places and households.

HRTQueen · 27/03/2022 10:58

yes we do become less pretty/beautiful even the really good looking people it’s different. Some less so than others

My nanny was still attractive in her 80’s got attention from men her age but not like when she was a young Rita Hayworth double and men and women fell over her. My dad is still a handsome 80 year old but not the man that women went silly over

It’s life we should stop trying to delude ourselves

puffyisgood · 27/03/2022 11:03

@Enzbear

"It's a given that we lose our looks" Not if you never had any to lose in the first place. If you were an attractive 20 year old you will no doubt be an attractive 40/50/60+ year old. All the women I know that were beautiful still are. I don't see hardly anyone in real life who was attractive suddenly turn plain as they age. All this "I was beautiful at 20 but not anymore". It's a nice little story but not true ime. I don't need to spend hours keeping fit I'm 9 stone, 5 feet 5. I do it because I enjoy it and it keeps me fit. Botox nah

yeah, I dunno. thinking about my group of say a dozen or so female university friends, the attractiveness ranking at aged c20 is quite different (not totally flipped unsurprisingly but very noticeably different) at aged c45. some people just have skin, teeth, hair, physiques, etc that seem to hold up much better than others. there's a 'looking after yourself' element of course but also some pot luck.

weleasewoderick23 · 27/03/2022 11:19

I'm the opposite. I'm 58 and, although I've got a saggy face and wrinkles, I feel much more attractive now then when I was in my '30's.

I think it's a combination of losing a lot of weight and feeling confident in my clothes and really not giving a fuck what people ( men) think any more.

I used to equate how attractive I was by the amount of attention I got from men and basing my self esteem on that. Im past all that now and I do what I want.

Despite the aches and pains I love being my age now!

maddy68 · 27/03/2022 11:22

I have honestly never heard anyone say that

Gwenhwyfar · 27/03/2022 11:28

I'll get slated (again) for saying it, but OP your attitude imo comes from a fear of death. There's a counter-trend at the moment of denying that ageing brings any problems with it. Of course, you can be relatively healthy and fit into middle age and early old age and some individuals may look better at 50 than at 30, but that doesn't negate the fact that in general ageing is a deterioration. We deteriorate and then we die.

planetme · 27/03/2022 11:30

Interesting thread

Gwenhwyfar · 27/03/2022 11:30

"Interestingly I recently saw a photo of her in her 30's/40's and she definitely didn't look as good. Her face is obv more wrinkly now, but also more defined which adds to her beauty."

People with chubby cheeks can look better as they get older as the chubbiness sinks lower down the face, but it's still a deterioration.
Even wrinkles can give definition I suppose, but I can't see a plus to jowls and sagging.

Gwenhwyfar · 27/03/2022 11:32

"I always thought that women were most attractive in their late 20's and into their 30's. So for me youth doesn't equal beauty. I'd count youth as under 25."

With life expectancy at 80, I'd still say that's young.

Gwenhwyfar · 27/03/2022 11:36

"The op who said it’s plain people who complain about this is definitely right in my case, but really just illustrates this point. I was a very gawky looking child and young teenager and would not describe myself as anything special I’m my forties, but there was a period in my twenties when I just looked really good."

Same for me. I'm not pretty, but at around 25 I had a nice artificial colour in my hair and I went on the sunbed (which I'll pay for later I suppose) and at least I had my youth.

Gwenhwyfar · 27/03/2022 11:37

@Mooo111

This woman is 63. I'd love to look like her, she's really pretty. She doesn't look 20, she looks great, and natural too.

Is every part of her 63? She probably still looked a better twenty five years ago.

Gwenhwyfar · 27/03/2022 11:40

"I don't think there is a question that we lose out looks with age. It is simply a part of growing older, our bodies change, our fertility comes and goes, the body deteriorates and eventually dies.

Whether this matters is the more important question, and I would say that it doesn't. Is "looking good" important, at any age? Not really, not as important as other things anyway."

You're obviously right that it's not the most important thing, but it matters a bit if you're single and don't want to be.

Enzbear · 27/03/2022 11:44

I'm happily married and looking good for my age at the time is important to me.
Constantly looking at phones and computers is creating jowls at a younger age now.

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