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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should have I expected a compliment back?

133 replies

Mamas123 · 26/03/2022 20:55

So I complimented my bf tonight which he liked and commented back but I was expecting a compliment back? When I asked where's my compliment (in a non serious way) he replied that he couldn't think of one????

I had then said that's rather rude he can't think of one compliment for me - plus he had forgotten to let me know he got on his weekend away safely (he told me he would).

AIBU to expect this back? We've had issues with his lack of comfort and attention. We've been together 5 years. Planed a wedding, children etc. told him that it really affects my self esteem when he says no to cuddles/sex etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mamas123 · 27/03/2022 03:04

@so you refuse to let your child watch my tumble??? I guess not

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Mamas123 · 27/03/2022 03:05

@Kite22 that's not the case

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Mamas123 · 27/03/2022 03:06

@SpicePumpkin so you refuse your child to watch mr tumble then???

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Mamas123 · 27/03/2022 03:08

@ well done 👍 wouldn't want you anywhere near someone who was in need of help! Congratulations

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Mamas123 · 27/03/2022 03:09

@Mamas123

@ well done 👍 wouldn't want you anywhere near someone who was in need of help! Congratulations
@Merryoldgoat
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Mamas123 · 27/03/2022 03:12

@Hausa some have said to speak to him and write down the basic needs from a relationship... I have done this. I just haven't seen him to show him yet. Some have said to get rid... I did do this but still emotionally attached and love the twat that his words make me believe he's worth another go.

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Aria999 · 27/03/2022 03:18

He is who he is. It will never be different. He has shown you this pretty thoroughly by now, right?

I think you (or anyone) can't really ever be happy unless you know how to be happy by yourself.

Relationships are lovely when they work, but you need to feel you would rather have no relationship than the wrong one. Otherwise you will keep on going for the first opportunity that presents itself, and never find the right one.

Hausa · 27/03/2022 03:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Original poster
Mamas123 · 27/03/2022 03:33

@Aria999 I know this... I was single after my last toxic relationship for a couple of years (I only met and dated my bf through a friend) I wanted to remain single but friends and family pushed us together. It was such a whirlwind of emotions. Now I have lost friends due to him and family. I'm alone. So it's so much harder as I will be totally alone

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Mamas123 · 27/03/2022 03:35

@Hausa it is actually abusive as other people have said! If I knew how than I would block you as your comments aren't helping, so please stop commenting. Thank you

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Mamas123 · 27/03/2022 03:39

@Hausa I'm not ranting or arguing with commenters... I just do not like to be bullied or be littled, thank you and goodbye

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Hausa · 27/03/2022 03:43

As stated previously, you’ve had hundreds of supportive comments. What have you done with them? Nothing.

I’ll repeat. You’re now ranting at commenters for giving you straightforward responses and not coddling you. You’d be better served directing that anger at the man in question. You’re a grown woman, take ownership of your life. BLOCK. HIM.

Seriously. Grow up. And I will stop commenting, as it’s an entirely pointless endeavour.

EllaVaNight · 27/03/2022 03:46

It honestly is as easy as blocking him. You're modelling a terrible relationship for your child. Is this the type of relationship you want them to have?

My ex was trash, he beat me nearly killed me and continuously raped me and I conceived my oldest. The idea of my child being exposed to a terrible person and relationship was enough for me to move, block him and cut all mutual acquaintances from my life. It wasn't easy but it was simple.

BadNomad · 27/03/2022 06:00

No one NEEDS a man. You need to stop thinking you need one to be happy. You need to sort out your head, work on your self-worth and self-esteem because you're so desperate to be with someone that'll you'll just keep on accepting any old shit guy. That's how most women get a "good man" - they know their own worth. It's that simple.

MessedOfTimes · 27/03/2022 06:10

OP, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It is so very hard for people who haven’t lived inside these dynamics to understand. And there are so many people who have also gone through/are going through what you are dealing with right now, including me. I know how impossible the idea of disentangling yourself from this feels. It seems so big and scary and in a sense, life-threatening. The fact remains, though, even if you were the shittiest person in the universe, his behaviour is totally unacceptable and will only serve to destroy all that is precious in your life. I know you think you can’t move forward, that you’re stuck and that this is the best that you could hope for. Let me tell you, unequivocally and without malice, you are wrong. Your life can be so much better than this, and in fact, can be breath-takingly wonderful. Take the terrifying plunge. It will be so worth it that you’ll wonder why you hadn’t done it sooner. From one wounded but recovering heart to another, you can do this. You are worth it, and so much more ♥️

SunshineCake1 · 27/03/2022 06:35

Why are you ginger this idiot all the power? Get your own self esteem from being you. Don't look for it in a man. What has happened for you to think this shut is all you are worth ?

SunshineCake1 · 27/03/2022 06:35

Why are you giving ffs.

knittingaddict · 27/03/2022 08:05

Just a minute. You've posted about this relationship before haven't you op, and multiple times before that? Posting with a weird new angle isn't going to change the advice, you know.

DontLookBackInAnger1 · 27/03/2022 08:25

@Mamas123

It sounds like you know he's a selfish prick. You see the real him and you don't like it.

But you're still pursuing it - why? Do you honestly think he'll change?

You get one life. While you're still young, leave, you can start over. Don't spend all of the good years with someone who you know can't and won't make you happy.

It's ok to give up and move on. It sounds like you're miserable at the moment x

QuebecBagnet · 27/03/2022 08:29

told him that it really affects my self esteem when he says no to cuddles/sex etc.

Really? So you’re pressuring him for sex and cuddles when he doesn’t want it?

MimosaFields · 27/03/2022 08:37

As all I e ever know for 30+years are crappy men! So that's all I'm use to and maybe why I can never find a good man. I MUST BE DOING SOMETHING WRONG?

what you are doing wrong is thinking than being with a crap man is better than being alone. That's not true. Split up. Learn to be alone and you'll be million times happier. Do NOT get into another relationship at least for five years. I'm not saying don't meet anyone but just don't get into any serious relationship!!

After you've dumped this shit man you think you are with, write to your old friend and say "thanks for the old advice. I should have listen to you earlier but I've done it now. Maybe we can meet sometime?"

Iamnotamermaid · 27/03/2022 08:53

Compliments should be spontaneous, not on demand. Acknowledge any compliment given but you do not need to recipcate immediately.

I think you need to sit back and see the bigger picture, is the relationship as a whole working?

SpicePumpkin · 27/03/2022 09:17

[quote Mamas123]@SpicePumpkin so you refuse your child to watch mr tumble then??? [/quote]
Don't be so stupid. You know exactly what I was saying. You can't keep a useless man around just because your child likes them. Your child can like many different things. That is not a reason to keep them around. The child doesn't get a say in your adult relationships.

Hesma · 27/03/2022 09:27

You sound like hard work tbh

NippyWoowoo · 27/03/2022 09:41

@Mamas123

I said it should be easy to say a compliment back and that's just an excuse about the drinks?
It isn't though. I can't answer when put on the spot. I was asked my age yesterday and seriously took a minute to think. People who fish for compliments are tiring