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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should have I expected a compliment back?

133 replies

Mamas123 · 26/03/2022 20:55

So I complimented my bf tonight which he liked and commented back but I was expecting a compliment back? When I asked where's my compliment (in a non serious way) he replied that he couldn't think of one????

I had then said that's rather rude he can't think of one compliment for me - plus he had forgotten to let me know he got on his weekend away safely (he told me he would).

AIBU to expect this back? We've had issues with his lack of comfort and attention. We've been together 5 years. Planed a wedding, children etc. told him that it really affects my self esteem when he says no to cuddles/sex etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mamas123 · 26/03/2022 21:49

@EinsteinaGogo I don't really have anyone to talked to about this... my dear friend I spoke to about this last year told me to not take him back but when I did she told me she doesn't want to be my friend anymore or have anything to do with it

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Original poster
Mamas123 · 26/03/2022 21:50

@HeArInGhandsgirl11 I don't give to receive either. It was just in this certain circumstances with the issues we've had

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daisychain01 · 26/03/2022 21:51

You need to come to terms with the fact your relationship is dead in the water, OP. Sorry, but you're being high-maintenance over someone who couldn't care less about you (and has cheated on you).

Original poster
Mamas123 · 26/03/2022 21:52

@OutlookStalking I honestly don't know... part of me should've broke up with him last year and never gave him a second chance, then a third. I was thinking of speaking to him when I next see him. But I will leave it to him to decide when to see me as it feels like I'm always the one to ask

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EinsteinaGogo · 26/03/2022 21:52

Ah, I'm sorry for o hear that, OP.

It's hard on both sides. Hard for you to lose your friend, and hard for your friend to see you suffer from bad choices.

Can you go to your GP and ask to be referred to a counsellor?

It does seem like you're in a loop, where you know this isn't a solid, healthy relationship but you can't break out xxx

Original poster
Mamas123 · 26/03/2022 21:54

@daisychain01 I never have been high mentanience before... I only become a bit like that because he hasn't treated me good and I've grown in myself to realise that I actually deserve more than how I've been treated in the past by him. He said he would step up. I was basically endning it with him but he wanted to give it a go

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Original poster
Mamas123 · 26/03/2022 21:57

@EinsteinaGogo I have asked for councilling but was told I didn't meet the threshold as I know what I want and what to do etc. Only thing I was offered was relationship therapy but he refused it

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daisychain01 · 26/03/2022 21:58

Mamas, you need to take control back. You wanted to kick him to the curb (deservedly so) but he didn't want to, so you go with what he wants.. hmm c'mon pull up those big girl pants and tell him to sling his hook Grin. He sounds a waste of space and you deserve better

Kite22 · 26/03/2022 21:59

Kite22...there's no rules to our relationship

Yet you have literally started a thread asking if YABU to "expect a compliment back" because you have given someone a compliment Hmm

However, as said above - this really isn't the issue here.

EinsteinaGogo · 26/03/2022 22:00

Find a way to get support and advice, @Mamas123

Don't give up.

Get stronger. You will see right through him eventually.

daisychain01 · 26/03/2022 22:01

Have some free counselling from the MN posse, LTB and head for the hills before he can catch you up >>>>>>

Merryoldgoat · 26/03/2022 22:04

Seriously? After your 10 page thread where you admitted it was over and he was awful as were his family you’ve gone back for more?

Is he away on the family birthday you weren’t invited to go on?

He cheated, he’s lazy, treats you poorly. His family are unkind. Why are you still there? Why?

Original poster
Mamas123 · 26/03/2022 22:04

@EinsteinaGogo thank you xx

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MissMaple82 · 26/03/2022 22:04

I've heard it all now! Hmm

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 26/03/2022 22:05

This relationship is going nowhere
End it and don't waste any more time or hurt on him.
You're not suited to each other.

Original poster
Mamas123 · 26/03/2022 22:05

@daisychain01 thank you xx

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Original poster
Mamas123 · 26/03/2022 22:06

@Merryoldgoat because I'm clearly ridiculous like some of said on here x

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godmum56 · 26/03/2022 22:08

and yet another post where the problem isn't the problem.....

Rosebuud · 26/03/2022 22:09

[quote Mamas123]@OutlookStalking I honestly don't know... part of me should've broke up with him last year and never gave him a second chance, then a third. I was thinking of speaking to him when I next see him. But I will leave it to him to decide when to see me as it feels like I'm always the one to ask [/quote]
I feel so sad for you. How did it come to this? Sitting there asking for compliments, accepting him cheating, loosing friends, and now you think it’s progression to make yourself available instead of asking to see him?

What happened to you to make you behave like this and be so desperate to be with him?

Original poster
Mamas123 · 26/03/2022 22:10

@Ihaventgottimeforthis I know this, I've know it since last year but he keeps love bombing me and I keep going back and then feel like I'm just here for his ego now and to look good for him (he's older, has no children. Everyone said how it's lovely to see him finally settle down as they never thought he would) people told him don't f**k this up (as if he's previously done that to previous relationships?).

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Wolfiefan · 26/03/2022 22:19

He hasn’t settled down if he’s cheating. He’s just fucking up again. He won’t “step up”. You deserve better.

Original poster
Mamas123 · 26/03/2022 22:20

@Rosebuud I've been in a toxic relationship before (very controlling etc) I stayed single but then met my bf... he was totally different, would compliment me, love me, give me so much attention (something I never had before) he wanted to marry me have children etc. it was so lovely and so different. Yet he was so laid back that I didn't have to worry about asking him if I could go out etc like I had to in previous relationship. Then I felt something different, he wasn't being how he was after a year and then I found out he had cheated for nearly a year on me. I chucked him out, didn't want to see him ever again. But he love bombed me, sent me gifts by post everyday. Sent me sorry notes etc. I took him back. It was good but then went to crap again. He was very lazy and wouldn't do anything around the house, wouldn't spend time with me, nothing so I told him I couldn't do this anymore so chucked him out again. And basically gone round full circle again but this time I haven't let him come back to the home and living separately to take it slow and see what happens and now I can see that he will just be lazy again as it's me doing all the chasing and asking and him bassically making me feel like an idiot to ask for a basic need. I've told him that I don't know if he was joking with the I can't think of a compliment back lol message but it has upset me if he actually can't think of one. As I've been more vocal to him recently about what I will tolerate and not. He is guide childish and family have said he's never been affectionate (he always never gets his family cards presents for special occasions and never had apparently, I've always done it for him since we've been together) so they say that's just how he is and I can't change him. But funny how he was affectionate etc at the beginning of our relationship

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Original poster
Mamas123 · 26/03/2022 22:20

@Rosebuud so sorry that was sooooo long but I felt I could pour my heart out as you've been very understanding xx

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WonderfulYou · 26/03/2022 22:21

A compliment which is an automatic reply isn’t a compliment. It’s politeness.

Exactly.
It’s weird that you wanted a compliment back but even if he gave you one it wouldn’t have actually been a compliment if you had to ask for it.

How old are you?
I really don’t see the point in wasting your life in a relationship that obviously doesn’t work.

Break up and stay single to work on yourself and then find someone else.

Original poster
Mamas123 · 26/03/2022 22:22

@Wolfiefan he is f**king up again. I'm just glad that he isn't here this time as it may be easier for me as we don't live together this time for me to actually get rid once and for all!

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