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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He ate the soup ...

480 replies

Tdcp · 26/03/2022 19:00

I'm really ill, I've had an annoying cough for a few days which today has turned in to a snot fest. I'm tired. I've had a smear test this morning which they've found a few issues with my cervix, I've dragged my arse to Asda, where I bought myself a tin of tomato soup. I drove him 15 minutes away for a walk and picked him and DD up after they were done, had a bath and thought.. I've not eaten yet, I'll go and have that soup.

He doesn't really like tomato soup, in fact I can't recall him ever eating any, that's why I bought one tin. He likes chicken soup which there's 3 tins of as well as other random flavours in the cupboard.

He ate my tomato soup. Ffs. I don't know if this is light hearted or not but after a string of bullshit I'm just a bit fed up right now.

OP posts:
Somuddled · 27/03/2022 07:37

@Tdcp your disclosure about the blindfold brought me to tears.
I am so angry in your behalf, how could he do such a cruel and manipulative thing? Speaking from experience. There is life beyond this for you. Its hard at first and then it is lovely. The feeling of being safe often outweighs any other stresses.

Bobbajobs · 27/03/2022 07:50

@CountryCousin

Your opinion might be less ‘light hearted’ if you’d read the whole thread, Bobbajobs …
Yes thanks, I was referring to the initial post, in which the OP mentioned light heartedness. Clearly the full picture was built further in the thread.

I truly hope OP & DD get the help they deserve

Ganhame1 · 27/03/2022 07:53

OP this sounds really difficult and scary for you, tho king about leaving, but you e taken a really brave step emailing woman's aid.
As quietly and secretly as you can get together any important documents such as driving license, passports, your child benefit paperwork, any bills you pay (so you can cancel).
Take care op, it’s hard but you have a strength you probably don’t realise, it’s got you this far.

PrinnyPree · 27/03/2022 08:08

I'm so sorry OP is there anyway you could get the police involved for the £2.5k? Say your Nan gave it to you and you were going to use it to get out of an abusive relationship and he's found and stolen it? I wonder if Womens aid would know. X

Lalliella · 27/03/2022 08:12

@Tdcp

He said he didn't realise it was for me. I said that I only bought one tin because he doesn't like tomato soup, that I've not eaten yet etc and he said he ate it because he fancied it so I need to stop making it a big deal.
It’s really not about the soup OP is it? He’s a selfish thoughtless entitled twat. Sorry.
MrMrsJones · 27/03/2022 08:15

I would report him to the police he is abusing you, he stole your money.

Is it his house or yours?

Please leave him

Lalliella · 27/03/2022 08:16

Oh crikey OP I’m so sorry I didn’t read the thread. That’s absolutely awful. I hope you will find the strength to go to woman’s aid and to leave him Flowers

Autumnleaves4 · 27/03/2022 08:20

If you explained that you went out especially to buy that soup as it’s all you felt like eating as you’re not feeling well so would he ,ind going out to buy you a tin, would he not?

If not then he isn’t very kind to you and you should reevaluate.

Don’t stick in a marriage without kindness. I did for the sake of my children, he then left us when they were all early teens and they suffered so much more at that age so all my suffering was for nothing!

LabelMaker · 27/03/2022 08:21

Oh god he's horrible. Hope you're feeling better soon x

RainbowToes · 27/03/2022 08:22

Women's aid are really lovely and really helpful. I hope they respond to you really soon.
Definitely get yourself, DD and the cats out ASAP.
You've made the first step, the rest will follow.
There will be difficult bits but keep going, it will definitely definitely definitely be worth it. Life with him sounds truly awful. You and DD will be much happier without him.

FourChimneys · 27/03/2022 08:24

I don't have any advice to add OP, but sending you a hug. I'm guessing he won't do anything to make Mother's Day special for you, and for that I'm really sorry.

Make a plan, keep checking in here and believe that much better times are on the horizon for you and your little girl.

Flowers BrewCake

EinsteinaGogo · 27/03/2022 08:27

OP,

I've read your whole thread.

You're a bloody brave, strong woman. Your partner / husband is a coercive, abusive man. You've got years ahead of you. Don't spend them with him.

Do take advice from the police about the money your Nan have you. It was clearly for you and he has stolen it / won't let you access it. That's financial abuse and could be very significant. He may regret doing that one thing that identifies clearly his behaviour.

You may find that that tin of soup is a turning point for you.

Whatwouldnanado · 27/03/2022 08:32

Sending a huge hug to you and ffDd. You both deserve better than this evil moron. Go to your gran, report the money issue to the police and follow your dream of being a vetinary nurse.

Ravenglass83 · 27/03/2022 08:41

I'm so so sorry to read all your posts @Tdcp , it's appalling abuse and you and DD deserve so much better. The future Veterinary Assistant you will look back and be so proud of you making the break.

Sending you virtual Flowers on mother's day, this one marks a turning point in your life! Flowers

Cocopopsss · 27/03/2022 08:43

OP I hope you realise he is a shitty, abusive, weak man and you and your DD deserve so so much more. Flowers

You have to move but it will require some planning. It’s great that you’ve contacted women’s aid. Please stay strong and plan to move. Your DD will settle and be happy at a new school and in a new area even if she is with you.
What is the area your nan lives in like for work?
I think you could consider moving closer to your nan as at least you will have some emotional support. Think about cities where you can find work easily and start studying for a qualification that will lead to a better paying job.
You can do this. You are a brilliant, strong woman and an amazing mother.

MadeForThis · 27/03/2022 08:51

You're already so brave in how you stand up to him. You can do this. You can be free.

Whydidimarryhim · 27/03/2022 08:52

Hi op - Happy Mother’s Day.
What a pig of a man he is - could you threaten to call the police over the theft of your money.
Your doing a great job trying to protect your child.
Womens aid and gp are your points of contact - sharing info and getting it down - in confidence but useful if you need it going forward.
You need to get sneaky like him - can you get cash back when you shop - sell anything - yes to getting a job - are you entitled to tax credits at all - go on entitled to or turn2 us - good luck and keep posting and reading - it helps clear the dross that is your partner.

Lurking9to5 · 27/03/2022 09:03

An adult who never goes to the supermarket? how does he think food gets in to the house? Annoying.

I thought ''ate the soup'' was like a cross between drank the cool aid and '''took the soup''. I was wondering in what way your h had been indoctrinated or compromised his integrity for a lazy but easy life!!

OrlandointheWilderness · 27/03/2022 09:04

What a vile, vile man

Lurking9to5 · 27/03/2022 09:05

My ''straw'' was saucepans. I was supposed to do all the shopping, cleaning, cooking and yet when I stood there in robert dyas and put in a polite request for a bigger saucepan, he made me pick a cheaper one. He wasn't the one cooking rice trying to make sure it didn't spill over the sides. That made me see that I wasn't even in charge of the domestic drudgery.

pastypirate · 27/03/2022 09:07

@Tdcp

It's nice to see other perspectives on this if I'm honest. I never know if I'm over reacting or anything. I mean.. I barely reacted to this at all but the fact I've been busy all day and I feel like shit and he ate the one thing I wanted...

I bought my own mother's Day flowers and chocolate today as well. £5, flowers and £2 chocolates.

Ffs that's awful. Even my exh buys me something from the dc for Mother's Day!
Lurking9to5 · 27/03/2022 09:08

omg, sorry, read your updates. Leave. You can heal on your own without somebody making you feel worthless. This arsehole will prevent you healing. You deserve to live in safety and peace and contentment. So sorry about what happened to you. x

LightSpeeds · 27/03/2022 09:15

...he ate it because he fancied it so I need to stop making it a big deal.

So, he didn't apologise because he couldn't care less, and you had to get your own Mother's Day stuff too?

He sounds like a shitbag to be honest... Has he got any good points?

Costumenonsense · 27/03/2022 09:15

Please leave this excuse for a human being. Remember that whatever he says or does - you are so much better than him.

You and DD will have a much better life without anticipating his next twister power play… then you can heal.

I escaped a similar sounding abuser and life got very much better.

Keep your cards close to your chest OP.

Anyone you can talk to in real life?

Original poster
Tdcp · 27/03/2022 09:34

DD has hassled him to get up this morning with us, our house is small, kitchens in the front room, barely wider than my sofa etc, we're sat on the sofa and he's tried to cause a row already, he hasn't said anything at all apart from insisting it's the first day of summer today, I've said it isn't, it's not summer until the end of June, it was the first day of spring 7 days ago.. he's insisting I'm wrong. Thankfully DD knows to take my word for things generally. I'm going to play PS4 with DD now because his silence is deafening already.

your disclosure about the blindfold brought me to tears.

You see I didn't even realise how fucked up that was. I was literally shaking when I had the blindfold on and he KNEW I didn't want to do it but still he did and I sat there feeling like I had to pretend to like what was going on so I didn't upset him or make a big deal out of it. Is that really what he's done to me? I feel so weird right now.

I'm going to ring universal credit on Monday because I've no idea where I stand on us living together and the online is very much yes or so questions. He's looking at a house to rent on Monday, I'm dreading it

OP posts:
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