He ate the soup ...

[Tdcp]

I'm really ill, I've had an annoying cough for a few days which today has turned in to a snot fest. I'm tired. I've had a smear test this morning which they've found a few issues with my cervix, I've dragged my arse to Asda, where I bought myself a tin of tomato soup. I drove him 15 minutes away for a walk and picked him and DD up after they were done, had a bath and thought.. I've not eaten yet, I'll go and have that soup.

He doesn't really like tomato soup, in fact I can't recall him ever eating any, that's why I bought one tin. He likes chicken soup which there's 3 tins of as well as other random flavours in the cupboard.

He ate my tomato soup. Ffs. I don't know if this is light hearted or not but after a string of bullshit I'm just a bit fed up right now.

I am proud of you too! You have reached a crucial point, that 'I just don't care any more' is pivotal and changes everything. I knew I could leave my ghastly first husband the day I decided not to make excuses for him ever again. He didn't want to see visitors and said "tell them I have a migraine", when they arrived I said "He's upstairs, sulking" and that was it, suddenly I had the power I needed to change my life, and I did!
Wisjing you all the best as you approach your new and happier life.

Oh my god you absolute star! Your DD will thank you for this 😊

@Tdcp I started reading this thread today thinking that it was going to be another thread where the woman is just starting to realise what a cockwombkle she is stuck with and it will go on and on and on - and here you are, cutting across all of it and making me stand up and applaud. Hear that noise? That's me yelling for you and your kid. You are incredible, so strong and capable, and you are going to enjoy the next part of life so much more without all the extra weight.

Hes very quiet and obviously very hungover. Sheepish. Ive been getting on with things as usual but the nature of the house means we're under eachothers feet. Dd wants to go out on her scooter, I've said he can come but only for dd nothing else. My emotions are solidly numb with him right now.

Thanks again everyone, it means a lot and it's so helpful that i have you all to turn to.

Ps i sprained my thumb a few weeks ago so now ive bought a splint for it because the new job involves a lot of paperwork and typing...as well as some warehousing. Ahhhh. Anyway if my posts are little out of whack thats why 😂

this is me too. I almost cheered when I read todays update.
You know, once that line has been crossed there is no going back. His spell on you is broken. This is fantastic news and Im really sure that you and DD will go from strength to strength

His tears will be crocodile tears, or just tears for himself. He had none to shed when you were ill or hurting. Like every bully on the planet he is a coward.

lets hope you can shift his dead weight too. And tell him not to forget to give you the rest of your £500 he owes you on his way out

Keep on keeping on, you're getting there!

Wow, just read the whole thread OP way to go , cheering you on from the sidelines

Performative drinking . Oh woe is me.it will be an overdose later. I keep wanting to call him Johnny D, cos he has a very similar vibe. I hope you’ve stopped paying for everything now. Please be careful how you speak to him. If he speaks nicely , its likely he’s taping you to prove that he’s the reasonable one, so any time that happens be sure to smile sweetly and get him to drop another of the outrageous obligations he puts on you, or if he prompts you to repeat that you’re numb and don’t care, tell him something broke the night he forced you into the sexual act that you had confided had been part of previous abuse, and that this was compounded when you were so Sick after surgical procedures and he did nothing at all to help, but ate the soup that was all you could manage. Let him get those things on tape.
Very very proud of you.
You now see him clearly as a pathetic little worm, neither use nor ornament as my Mum used to say. You are a queen and if no one but your Nan ever treated you that way, more fool them, treat yourself with the respect you deserve.

I'm a single parent and my life is very peaceful. I have absolutely no regrets that I left him. This was 12 years ago now.

I'm sure you will find the peace and happiness you deserve. A life without him in it. I hope he is capable of co-parenting with you. Once you have split only communicate with him about your DD. Keep everything brief.

Your DD will be fine, my DD13 leaves the house with me at 7.45 and coach home arriving at 5.30. She's absolutely fine I just make sure she gets a good nights sleep and has a chance to rest/chill/have fun at the weekends.

tell him something broke the night he forced you into the sexual act that you had confided had been part of previous abuse,

Oh right yeah, a couple of weeks ago we had an argument, when he applied for the house we didn't get he went through my bank statements, berated me for buying 3 mcdonalds in 2 months (twice was because i didnt have enough time to cook for dd between school and beavers so it was literally £3 for tea), had a massive rant about the 65p pack of 8 chocolate bars THAT HE WAS EATING..AT THAT TIME! Among other things. The usual I dont get a say because i dont work etc. I cant remember exactly what i said apart from the fact he was being incredibly out of order, i said about him not giving a shit about me and i bought up that blindfold incident, spelt it out for him how awful it made me feel, told him i was self harming because of it, that im depressed and feel sick. He said... wait for it..

Hes awkward as fuck with sex and didnt know what else to do.

I said "i get that you might have been awkward but actually i dont give a shit. I dont give a single shit that you were feeling awkward. Youre dealing with someone who was gang raped at 12, raped and assaulted more times than i can count in a previous relationship and circumstances and i told you something really traumatic that happened to me, i was shaking.. SHAKING! And you still did it anyway!"

He didnt have a lot to say if memory serves. He still hasnt asked how i am once, or if im self harming at all. Nothing. He gives not a single toss about any one but himself and i basically told him that last night.

Oh also, he was annoyed with me one night and started going at it about how i have a lock on my phone. (He knew the old password, this new phone has face recognition) my argument was that my bank apps are on my phone. 3 DAYS he sulked and caused a drama about that.

Hes also put me online a few times. Fake dating profiles or sordid ones. Pictures of me with my face and ..very intimate ones.

Theres loads more but its all making me feel like a giant mug and so pathetic.

I thought i was caught out by the Johnny d comment then as its my exes name 😅 took me a second

Tdcp you are Wonder Woman. You have been through so much and it is wonderful to read your updates. It's so hard to get out of a pattern of having your feelings devalued and being made to feel bad about yourself. Of course it will take time to get out of the cycle of him using you to try and block out his own insecurities. You have done so much to be proud of in the last couple of weeks. Overall, every day will become easier, even if you have a few slips when he tries to exploit your kindness.

Sorry about the Johnny D. remark, unless he’s a famous actor , I didn’t mean your ex!
Every update makes this guy sound worse. Do you get an opportunity to go through his bank statements? Hes put your profile online with intimate photos? I’m fairly sure he broke some laws there. Was it recent? How did you find out? He sickens me. Please be careful, he will want to keep the upper hand, and it will enrage him that you’re not accepting his mind games any more.

Well done OP you’re really putting the work in to improve your life. It’s like swimming up against the tide, but you’re doing it. I’m also proud of everything you’re doing.

Once again, thank you all for still being here with me!

I'm so excited to start my new job and have my own place!

Well done OP, wishing you all the best

This is such good news that you're in your way out now!

You are amazing @Tdcp
To have any strength left after everything you have been through is incredible. To have realised that you and your daughter deserve more, and to be doing everything you can to put a better life in place is astounding.
You rule
❤❤❤❤❤

Adding another voice to your cheer squad OP - go you amazing woman! You have found your strength and now you are unstoppable. You are joining an incredible club of women who have left abusive men and made a brilliantly better life for themselves and their children. Well done OP you are a star! 🌟

You're doing so very well - it's brilliant! Best of luck in your new job and your arsehole-free future.

Cheer squad member here too - I’ve even got my little girls Pom poms if anyone can make up a dance….

OP we are all SO proud of you. Congratulations for finding your voice, some confidence in yourself. That's brilliant and not easy when you have someone constantly bringing you down. Congratulations on your job! Whatever you do, DO NOT QUIT just because he wants you to. You are doing it for your daughter, and for you. Do not feel guilty. Lots of us work full time, your daughter will be absolutely fine.
Wishing you the best of luck with the next step! You might want to keep your plans discreet, so he doesn't foil them or make life difficult for you. Same with your job - can you keep it all a bit quiet and lacking in detail in case he decides to cause problems for you when you do leave?

If he has posted intimate photos of you online please contact the police.

Thank you for the reassurances, it really does help.

He's been very very nice, calm, making an effort..but at a distance because I can barely look at him, sitting on separate sofas etc. I've been nice and nothings really changed regarding me cooking for us all etc, he hasn't tried to talk talk at all.

Tonight he kind of made it clear that he thinks we're still together though, like being nice for a few days is enough? He's asked me how my hand is a couple of times but I can tell it almost kills him to ask. No mention of me self harming (I stopped but he doesn't know that), or anything meaningful at all. He's been cleaning up breakfast stuff before work, I said he didn't need to as I'm here this week but still, bought in clothed from the line today. It's weird.

Anyway I'm excited about my job still and I keep checking rightmove etc. Nervous but excited.

Found out he was slagging me off to his brother though, that I won't get this job etc etc bil told him a few home truths apparently (according to sil). I wonder if that's why he was particularly tetchy a few weeks ago.

Bound to be - nobody is supposed to think of him as anything other than the downtrodden, neglected one, so for others to pick him up on things too now will be crushing his idea of how it’s all going.

so proud of you - you’re going to be SO happy!!!

He gave me a letter this morning. It's cross between self pity and ownership of how he's treated me. I knew all of what he said anyway but him owning up to it in this way is new. I'm going to ask him if he'll seek therapy later on, chances are he'll say no. I'm not planning on staying but he does need help.. again, I've been saying this for years.