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AIBU?

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Original poster

He ate the soup ...

480 replies

Tdcp · 26/03/2022 19:00

I'm really ill, I've had an annoying cough for a few days which today has turned in to a snot fest. I'm tired. I've had a smear test this morning which they've found a few issues with my cervix, I've dragged my arse to Asda, where I bought myself a tin of tomato soup. I drove him 15 minutes away for a walk and picked him and DD up after they were done, had a bath and thought.. I've not eaten yet, I'll go and have that soup.

He doesn't really like tomato soup, in fact I can't recall him ever eating any, that's why I bought one tin. He likes chicken soup which there's 3 tins of as well as other random flavours in the cupboard.

He ate my tomato soup. Ffs. I don't know if this is light hearted or not but after a string of bullshit I'm just a bit fed up right now.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 27/03/2022 18:27

You are NOT overreacting.

Please seek help and support.

You so deserve it.

This is a very bad man.Flowers

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 27/03/2022 19:17

My dgm gave me the deposit for a private rental when I left my ex. Your dgm would hate to he kept in the dark op. Imo.

Iloveyourbracelet · 27/03/2022 19:35

I'm having a wobble. What if I'm blowing this out of proportion or it's my fault for arguing with him. What if he's right and it's my past issues affecting how I am.what if I really am remembering things wrong or my brain is changing how things happened like his says? I feel so stupid

He gaslights you and this is exactly what its designed to do. You're not stupid.

And yes he hasnt hit you. Maybe he isn't the type. Or maybe all his other abusive "tools" in his toolkit work so well he doesn't need to hit you. Yet. Please be careful. Flowers

RandomMess · 27/03/2022 19:37

He has ground down your self esteem and self worth for years, he has played the game of nasty and nice it's got you doubting everything.

These are well known abuse tactics.

Download and read "Why does he do that?" By Lundy.

You can and will do this Thanks

GrowingUpIsATrap · 27/03/2022 19:54

I think once you get a chance to speak to women's aid they can help you see it more clearly too.

You are not over reacting.

I totally get that it must be overwhelming for you when you've suddenly got all this new information from people. It's a lot to take in.

All of us are hoping your life gets better and we know it can

You deserve better x

REignbow · 27/03/2022 20:24

You are not over reacting at all (you are underacting, due his abuse of you).

You will find that your daughters anxiety will ease when you leave and are free of his manipulation etc.

Do you have any emails/messages where you have asked for your money back and he has said no?

321user123 · 27/03/2022 20:37

@Tdcp

Anyone you can talk to in real life? I'm close to my sil, she's married to his brother. She knows a lot of our relationship but she prefers to listen and not really get involved, I mean she's been listening to me for years and I've never left so I feel irritating. She's never made me feel that way or anything,she has said if I leave then she'll stand by me though. She's also made a few comments about him in the past like .."if dh did that I'd be heartbroken" or "I don't know how you're still dealing with this". I'm not putting it across right well I don't think. She's supportive but she's in a difficult position basically. But that's it. I have no one else.
*Anyone you can talk to in real life? I'm close to my sil, she's married to his brother. *

DO NOT TELL SIL ABOUT YOUR PLANS.

Whatever you do, do not tell anyone other that Womens aid/police. Not even DD, because she’s a child and might unintentionally slip something. Or give him some unintentional clues.

I err on the side of caution on these things and when making a getaway plan secretness and safety take priority over anything imo.

Original poster
Tdcp · 27/03/2022 21:08

I just got a notification that he's transferred me 2k...

OP posts:
Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 27/03/2022 21:19

So raise a glass to your new future..
Your own money back doesn't cancel out the abuse you have suffered. And will continue to receive should you give him opportunity..

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 27/03/2022 21:41

@Tdcp

I just got a notification that he's transferred me 2k...
But wasn't it 2.5k he stole from you?
Feministwoman · 27/03/2022 21:42

That's good, but notice it's not the full amount he stole.
He's still controlling you by not giving you all YOUR money back.
Demand the rest of the money, while he's on the back foot.

GrowingUpIsATrap · 27/03/2022 21:49

@Tdcp i am really, really pleased you have some of your money back.
Please don't take this as a sign that he is going to change.
Giving you YOUR OWN money is the very least he can do. It doesn't take back all the awful things he has done to you. And you should never have had to ask for it in the first place. He has made you beg for it

Nanny0gg · 27/03/2022 22:01

@LBFseBrom

Make sure you have more than one tin in the cupboard from now on. There's nothing quite like tomato soup when you are not feeling well. I hope you're better soon, op.
OFFS!

*Why^ don't people bother to read the OP's posts?

It's really easy. Highlight them in a different colour and click on See All.

This is nothing to do with bloody soup!

Original poster
Tdcp · 27/03/2022 22:50

He's given it to me but he's earmarked it for a house deposit still. I would normally consider this a 'win' but like it's been pointed out, it's my money and I've asked for it back repeatedly and it's still taken all day from the argument last night.

I'm still hurt from the "you do nothing" comments. Which is ridiculous considering that's not even a new thing he's said.

He's made me a lot of tea today but not much has been said at all about anything. I can't say that's abnormal either though.

I have to go and look at this house tomorrow and all of this is giving me a headache

OP posts:
LannieDuck · 27/03/2022 22:58

Will he be transferring the other £500 as well?

RandomMess · 27/03/2022 23:02

Just say yes it is but you still need to send me the other £500 as well that you took.

When you pull away he pulls out the stops to get you back to ensure he know you are still pulling away.

£2k is a great start to setting up on your own with WA help.

Original poster
Tdcp · 27/03/2022 23:11

He said he'll try get the rest to me this week after he's finished a job.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tdcp · 27/03/2022 23:12

I've gone upstairs to bed, I'm finding it all overwhelming at the moment

OP posts:
Whatwouldnanado · 27/03/2022 23:20

How about looking at the house to keep the bugger quiet then excuse yourself with dd for the Easter hols to look after the gps.Hope you get a decent rest tonight.

Original poster
Tdcp · 27/03/2022 23:30

Yes I'll have to look at it tomorrow, I won't be able to get out of it as I don't even have work. Half of my brain's doing the Stockholm syndrome thing right now and the other half is going "but he still hasn't asked or mentioned the cervix / gyno stuff" I mean it'd be the first thing I'd ask about. (It's nothing that serious but he doesn't know that, especially after the last time I was cauterised up there was because of a cancer scare)

OP posts:
Feministwoman · 28/03/2022 00:07

Make sure that £2k is in an account he can't get at, even if it's in your own name.
I'd be opening a new, personal account with totally different log in details, just in case he knows your original account details.

TibetanTerrah · 28/03/2022 00:35

@Tdcp

He said he'll try get the rest to me this week after he's finished a job.
But wait, I thought he was only 'holding' it for you? Should be no issue transferring the lot in one go if he hasn't spent any of YOUR money!?
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 28/03/2022 02:54

OK - I'm highly suspicious that he's transferred you the money suddenly, well most of it anyway.

Are you 100% sure he's not accessing your online activity? It seems a huge coincidence that he's suddenly done that...

PearPickingPorky · 28/03/2022 07:35

@ThumbWitchesAbroad

OK - I'm highly suspicious that he's transferred you the money suddenly, well most of it anyway.

Are you 100% sure he's not accessing your online activity? It seems a huge coincidence that he's suddenly done that...

Me too.

And also, given how important it is that this money is saved for a house deposit so you can't be trusted with it in case you spend it Hmm, why has he spent it? And on what?

billy1966 · 28/03/2022 08:00

Stay on course OP.

Keep calling Women's aid.

Keep that money.

You are being thoroughly abused.

This is a police matter too if you make it one.

Do NOT spend that money.

Could you pack a bag with your daughter and go to your grandparents?