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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sen son not allowed in play centre party hewas invited to

150 replies

Justrealised · 26/03/2022 17:57

My son was invited to a party. First party invite in years. It was fir a child a few years younger than him. He has many diagnoses and has learning difficulties, severe autism.... he understood that he was going to a party and was excited to go. We turned up, went into be told that he hand to stand against a sign (not a height sign, a please do not run sign), he was a cm over, one lousy cm. They wouldn't let him in, they offered to put some balls on a table for him so he could watch the others play. We left, he was so upset it was awful. He didn't understand why we left, he doesn't have that level of understanding. He was heart broken. I'm heartbroken for him. No AIBU really, I'm just venting and looking for opinions. They could have let him in couldn't they.

OP posts:

Yaya26 · 27/03/2022 00:44

That’s disgusting. I’m so sorry. 🌸🌸🌸

NumberTheory · 27/03/2022 04:04

@5zeds

If adults can go on the equipment to play with their children what is the issue with a larger child doing it?

Parents aren't supposed to be playing on the equipment. They are supposed to be supervising or helping their child.

WhatNoRaisins · 27/03/2022 06:59

The safety aspect of bigger children around smaller ones is something I'd understand more in a general setting but not with a party. Obviously you'd only invite children you'd be happy to have there and I think they could have overlooked this.

Underhisi · 27/03/2022 07:25

"I don't know the OP's ds, but I do know that some children with significant needs still remain significantly delayed when they are 14, or 18, or 30 or 44.
Do you think it appropriate for a man in his mid 30s to be playing in soft play with 6 year olds ?"

A man in his mid thirties with a learning disability won't wouldn't want to be playing in soft play with 6 year olds because he is an adult with a learning disability not a child.
Interests in common with children doesn't mean he wants to socialise with them.

Unfortunately there is very poor provision for adults in this group because the general public doesn't consider them as mattering.

Sirzy · 27/03/2022 09:59

@WhatNoRaisins

That is true if it’s a case of booking out the whole place. Soft play centres locally it’s a case of the play centre is still open to the public but with a party area sectioned off for food etc.

WonderfulYou · 27/03/2022 10:48

Some of these replies are very strange.

It’s awful he couldn’t go in but if there’s a height restriction then it’s for his own safety.

If he was let in, got injured and then found out it was because he was over the height limit - all of the replies would be telling OP to complain and sue.

Underhisi · 27/03/2022 11:02

"It’s awful he couldn’t go in but if there’s a height restriction then it’s for his own safety."

Many soft plays have sessions for children with additional needs without height restrictions. Ds has been on special school trips to soft play which included older children who would have been above the height limit but were allowed on the frame alongside their supervising adults ( standard play sessions not ones only for them)

WonderfulYou · 27/03/2022 11:25

Many soft plays have sessions for children with additional needs without height restrictions.

I have been to many soft play areas over the years - some have no height restrictions at all, some have height restrictions but can bend the rules in certain circumstances and some have height restrictions rules that cannot be broken.
This particular place says on its website that the height restriction rules won’t be broken.

I think they should have made the Gran aware of the height restrictions when she booked it but you can’t complain that an establishment has stuck to the rules.

sisisvien · 27/03/2022 12:22

Realistically though, if a parent goes in to supervise their kids, they are going to have to go down the slides, climb up some of the equipment etc. How is that different to a child 1cm over a height limit?

Contrary to popular belief on this thread, “taller” children will not do damage to others in a soft play environment. It’s not about height, it’s about weight. Taller children are not necessarily heavier than shorter children.

Chely · 27/03/2022 12:46

The parents that invited you should have been aware of any restrictions and put them on the invitation. It's unfortunate yours was too tall, you chose to leave rather than him sit watching unable to use the equipment.
Most places like this we visit have an age rather than height restriction. I wouldn't be annoyed at the venue for enforcing their rules.

5zeds · 27/03/2022 16:01

He’s not an adult he’s a boy who could reasonably be the birthday child older sibling. A disabled child with someone to assist them is LIKELY to be of considerably LESS risk to other children surely?

Prinnny · 27/03/2022 16:58

I think the thing with adults supervising vs older kids being allowed in is that the adults aren’t playing, aren’t running around, jumping playing etc so less of a risk to younger kids. I think it’s the risk rather than the frame not being able to take the weight.

sisisvien · 27/03/2022 17:09

That’s exactly my point though. The height of the child is irrelevant. It’s their weight that is the issue. Which makes an absolute mockery of turning a child away from a birthday party group for being 1cm too tall.

5zeds · 27/03/2022 18:43

Far more at risk from a Disney Dad than a child with Sen supervised by his parent.

EmoIsntDead · 27/03/2022 19:12

@reallyworriedjobhunter

They made up a reason to exclude a SEN child. I have a SEN child and have experienced this too.

I'm sorry for your little boy op. That's utterly shit.

You better watch you don't pull a muscle with that massive reach 🙄

bruffin · 27/03/2022 22:26

@sisisvien

ROSPA say there should be maximum height restrictions

sisisvien · 27/03/2022 22:47

Yes. On the basis of an unfair assumption that taller means heavier.

bruffin · 27/03/2022 22:52

sisisvien
have a bit of common sense, the equipment may be too small for someone of that height. The OPs son was a few years older than the other children, he is 11 or 12, he could well be too tall for the equipment.

sisisvien · 27/03/2022 23:03

@bruffin

sisisvien have a bit of common sense, the equipment may be too small for someone of that height. The OPs son was a few years older than the other children, he is 11 or 12, he could well be too tall for the equipment.

I was banned from a soft play during a school trip in primary because I was too tall. It was explained that because of my height, I would be too heavy and might hurt the other children. I was the tallest in the year yes, but I would not have been the heaviest.

5zeds · 28/03/2022 00:22

Nobody believes being one cm over the maximum height is going to be an issue. It was a birthday party and a disabled child, they sound unkind at best.

IWishIWasABaller · 28/03/2022 00:25

I'm so sorry this happened op how upsetting for both you and your son. I'm glad the granny is making a complaint. My son was always very tall for his age , I remember him running with excitement to go on a bouncy castle with his friends only to be told he was too tall he was absolutely heartbroken it was so upsetting

MargaretThursday · 28/03/2022 19:59

@sisisvien

Weighing the children as they go in so much better isn't it?

Can't imagine there'd be any threads on here complaining about that.

Mickarooni · 28/03/2022 20:46

@5zeds

Nobody believes being one cm over the maximum height is going to be an issue. It was a birthday party and a disabled child, they sound unkind at best.

In a nutshell, yup. That’s all it boils down to. Disappointing for the sake of 1cm for OP’s little boy. :(

sisisvien · 29/03/2022 00:16

I’m not suggesting we weigh children. I’m saying that as someone who was an exceptionally tall child, a height based system is equally damaging to weighing. I’m suggesting we do it by age so all children get the chance to experience soft play, PGL type activities etc with their peers, rather than being barred purely on the basis of their height.

Tynetime · 29/03/2022 02:08

Poor you and your poor son. Of course any child would be disappointed buy it has added dimensions because of SEN. The SEN child could have less understanding of the situation and lower executive function. Plus an NT child will probably have another party to attend soon. Invites for kids with SEN tend to be pretty rare. I know from experience.

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