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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sen son not allowed in play centre party hewas invited to

150 replies

Justrealised · 26/03/2022 17:57

My son was invited to a party. First party invite in years. It was fir a child a few years younger than him. He has many diagnoses and has learning difficulties, severe autism.... he understood that he was going to a party and was excited to go. We turned up, went into be told that he hand to stand against a sign (not a height sign, a please do not run sign), he was a cm over, one lousy cm. They wouldn't let him in, they offered to put some balls on a table for him so he could watch the others play. We left, he was so upset it was awful. He didn't understand why we left, he doesn't have that level of understanding. He was heart broken. I'm heartbroken for him. No AIBU really, I'm just venting and looking for opinions. They could have let him in couldn't they.

OP posts:

andysgirl22 · 26/03/2022 18:18

I'm so sorry op how upsetting.
I think they were incredibly mean and truly lack empathy and understanding. It was a birthday party for Pete's sake. It's not even like you were just trying to get in on a normal session. Surely anyone with sense would have said well he's 1cm over so as its a party we will let him in but if we see him knocking into smaller children or anything we will have to ask him to come out of the play area or something? (not saying your son would do this but I'm just thinking if it was such a huge safety issue) or maybe explain that as they're letting you in on a one off they wouldn't be able to do it again. Idk I'm shocked and I'm so sorry for you and your poor boy op x

Original poster

Justrealised · 26/03/2022 18:20

The sign was a please do not run sign attached to netting around the play area by cable ties. I didnt measure the 1 cm with a ruler (not something I carry with me) but he was roughly that much over. He didnt have his shoes on as they had taken them when he went in and put them with the rest of the party things.

We've just looked on their website and it does say a height limit. I didn't check as I know I've been in and on the equipment when I've supported my children when they were younger and I've seen teenagers in there too with younger siblings. I dont know if this has been brought in recently.

OP posts:

bruffin · 26/03/2022 18:24

@reallyworriedjobhunter

They made up a reason to exclude a SEN child. I have a SEN child and have experienced this too.

I'm sorry for your little boy op. That's utterly shit.

Where did you get that from? Op says he was a couple of years older than the party boy, so he would be taller than most of the DC at the party. Nothing to do with his SN

EinsteinaGogo · 26/03/2022 18:24

A height limit is a bloody RIDICULOUS way to police a soft play for youngsters.

Fuck me, is a gentle 4ft child more hazardous than a 3ft6 cannonball one?

My son was tiny at that age - yet he was a liability.

I'm so sorry, OP. How awful and upsetting for you all.

How did the party host respond?

TossieFleacake · 26/03/2022 18:26

My DD was extremely tall for her age and was refused entry to many soft play parties when she could see all of her friends off playing together.
I don't think this situation is necessarily due to the fact your child has SEN but appreciate that it makes it harder for them to understand the decision.

Underhisi · 26/03/2022 18:27

Many soft play centres have sessions for children with additional needs which includes kids of all ages together including those who are older than children who usually go to soft play so I am not convinced about insurance arguments. It's more likely to be inflexibility of rules although possibly the staff would have been worried about getting into trouble for allowing any exceptions.

Christmas1988 · 26/03/2022 18:28

It’s really upsetting especially with how excited he was, but they can’t bend the rules, if your son got hurt their insurance would be invalid. It is such a shame but nobody is to blame.

bruffin · 26/03/2022 18:30

A height limit is a bloody RIDICULOUS way to police a soft play for youngsters
You would soon be complaining if your 4ft kid got stuck in the play area because he was too tall for it

Theyellowflamingo · 26/03/2022 18:31

There’s a big difference though between an adult on the equipment supervising a toddler (I’ve done it - I’m very careful, have the awareness and judgement of an adult and I’m not trying to “play” or run myself) and a much larger child actually trying to play, slide etc. Loads of our local ones allow parents to supervise on the frame, but still have a height or age limit for children.

It’s a horrible experience for you and your son but I don’t think they’ve actually done anything wrong - they’ve got a rule (presumably for safety/insurance) and they’ve stuck to it.

BeHappy91818 · 26/03/2022 18:32

I think it’s pretty bad on the soft play. Specially it adults and older kids go on it.

I also think the person who organised the party should of been aware and checked the height restrictions.

Chloemol · 26/03/2022 18:32

Make a formal complaint to the company

gamerchick · 26/03/2022 18:33

Christ I'm sorry man. He must have been crushed. I understand how you're feeling OP. Mine got too old for soft play that he loved but emotionally he's years younger than he should be. It took a fair bit of explaining and tears though before he got it.

me4real · 26/03/2022 18:35

@Justrealised It's just one of those things No they couldn'tve let him in if he's over the proscribed height. There woud probably be potential (albeit unlikely) health, safety and insurance issues if anything went wrong.

TidyDancer · 26/03/2022 18:37

How upsetting, I'm sorry OP.

Unfortunately I don't think they had any choice in the matter, although they could've made the height restriction clearer perhaps. It doesn't sounds like his sen had anything to do with them not letting him in, although I appreciate this made dealing with what happened much harder on both you and your DS.

Chasingaftermidnight · 26/03/2022 18:38

This must have been so upsetting. I’m really sorry it happened to you and your son.

LabelMaker · 26/03/2022 18:38

She said quite clearly that the sign was not a height sign so? They probably know the height of the actual sign. They have insurance and can't breach the rules no matter how nice it would be to do so. If OP's son injured a smaller child badly ir had a serious accident one of the things they would look at is if the soft play had followed the rules.

TerribleCustomerCervix · 26/03/2022 18:39

We were at a soft play today with the dc and my niece - 2, 3 and 4. Another family came in with 2 older kids, who looked about 10 and 13/14.

Seeing the older child enthusiastically using the equipment alongside very small toddlers had me holding my breath to be honest. Seeing the vast size difference, and the fact they’re playing in a confined space out of reach of parents made for a good chance of someone getting hurt. And that would be upsetting for the older child just as much as for the smaller one.

My older dc has ASD as well, so I get the challenges. But at the same time, I value the chance she gets at soft play to explore independently in a safe place, and the height restrictions help towards that.

She’s going to age out of these places, just as your DS has, but in the meantime we’ll make the most of it.

I’m sorry about how the situation was handled, and I think for 1cm they could have turned a blind eye given the circumstances. Do you have any of those trampolining centres nearby? They’ve got a similar vibe to soft play in terms of the activities and being able to be really physical.

TerribleCustomerCervix · 26/03/2022 18:41

I think it’s pretty bad on the soft play. Specially it adults and older kids go on it.

There’s a difference between parents and older kids being on the equipment to genuinely help or supervise younger dc, and actively playing on it.

EIisheva · 26/03/2022 18:42

I do feel for you OP

My son is autistic as well and luckily he is really small for his age so he can easily do stuff that’s appropriate for his emotional age. For example he’s 9 and only stopped ising a shopping trolley last year - he is that small.
(Makes him feel safe)

I have no advice really just sympathy
Obviously they can’t bend health and safety rules if they have them in place. My elder son is very very tall and couldn’t really go into soft play at all by the time he was 9. He at least was able to understand that that. Your poor son, I hope he’s ok. .

Peppapigforlife · 26/03/2022 18:43

Could you speak to the child's mum and see if you can get together somewhere fun and similar where your child would be allowed in next weekend or in the Easter holidays? Then tell your son (if his abilities allow) that you got the party details wrong but that you will have a day out with his friend to make up for it. And take cake and a few balloons and stuff so he gets a party feeling? That's really sad I'm so sorry for you both.

LabelMaker · 26/03/2022 18:45

I cannot imagine how anyone could read that OP and then post this. Really. why? It's true, they wouldn’t just make up a height restriction. If it's a safety thing it's important they stick to it. It is sad for OP's son but I don't think it was unreasonable of them at all.

Soontobe60 · 26/03/2022 18:45

@Soubriquet

I’ve never known a soft play that has maximum height restrictions

My local one even books theirs out for adult parties! Though I can barely fit through half the stuff

Poor kid

My local one does. My grandson can’t use the toddler are and my granddaughter can’t use the area for bigger kids. It’s a safety thing.

Kennykenkencat · 26/03/2022 18:46

I have never known a soft play with a height restriction as a lot of the parents go in the play area too.

MargaretThursday · 26/03/2022 18:46

Most soft play round here have height restrictions, and actually when I had small ones I welcomed it because it meant you didn't get the children that "honestly were only 8" but clearly were secondary school age.
My dc were all tall, and had small friends and sometimes I did have to point out they wouldn't get in-but we had the opposite at Legoland when mine could go on bigger rides.

OP: This nearly happened to a friend of mine for my 10th birthday. We turned up at the soft play and they made one of the girls who was very tall stand against the sign and said she was too tall.
Dm went over and said to them "She's the same age as the others (which she was), and we're here as a group. If you turn her away, then we'll all be going."
They let her in.

I remember though her look of horror at realising she might not get in. She always hated her height too.

TabithaHazel · 26/03/2022 18:54

I'm a bit confused - was the the height thing or the SEN that was the reason he wasn't allowed? Was it obvious to the staff he has SEN before they measured his height against the sign?

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