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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sen son not allowed in play centre party hewas invited to

150 replies

Justrealised · 26/03/2022 17:57

My son was invited to a party. First party invite in years. It was fir a child a few years younger than him. He has many diagnoses and has learning difficulties, severe autism.... he understood that he was going to a party and was excited to go. We turned up, went into be told that he hand to stand against a sign (not a height sign, a please do not run sign), he was a cm over, one lousy cm. They wouldn't let him in, they offered to put some balls on a table for him so he could watch the others play. We left, he was so upset it was awful. He didn't understand why we left, he doesn't have that level of understanding. He was heart broken. I'm heartbroken for him. No AIBU really, I'm just venting and looking for opinions. They could have let him in couldn't they.

OP posts:

Original poster

Justrealised · 26/03/2022 18:55

For those asking how the Birthday childs guardian handled it: it was his gran who I think has parental responsibility for him. She was upset and made a point of saying she would complain/ it's terrible etc but she didnt and couldn't really do more than that and I wouldn't expect her to. It was awful for all concerned.

Ds is in yr 6 so still in primary school although he should be yr 7 (he was held back a year in nursery).

OP posts:

Original poster

Justrealised · 26/03/2022 18:57

@Lwren

As a mum with a autistic child I just wanna hug you. You know what tho OP? Your kid got invited! It means that your kiddo has a friend! I'm so sorry this happened, but an invite is so rare and lovely for kids such as ours. Anyone who comments on this harshly will never understand the devastating task of explaining to a child with limited comprehension that they can't do something they were excited and built up to do. Please take any comments that don't want to listen to your vent seriously, they don't get it. Only bother with those who do get it, because this is hugely unfair 💐💐

This made me cry. Thank you xx you are right, he did get invited and that is huge

OP posts:

bumpabroad · 26/03/2022 19:01

Do you think they made up the height restriction aspect as an excuse to not let your son in? If so then I would get in touch and ask to speak to someone senior. Ask to know their maximum height registration and really kick up a fuss if your son isn’t over it.

If he was genuinely too tall then, as horrible as it is for you and him, there’s not anything they can do. They have a height restriction for a reason and if they broke the rules for you they’d have to do it for others. I’ve known other soft plays have a maximum height or maximum age, so it wouldn’t be the biggest surprise. It should be far better advertised though.

I’m really sorry this happened to your poor son.

DarleneSnell · 26/03/2022 19:03

This is so sad for you both. The fact he was only 1cm over means he was hardly going to tower over everyone else there, and given it was an invited party event and not a general public thing, I think the soft play was wrong to send you away.

Surely discretion can be applied in the circumstances. If it WAS down to insurance / legal reasons, that should have been explained so you'd at least feel it was more than "computer says no", when you have an upset disabled child to deal with.

Sorry you've had a crap day, OP

Wowwwww · 26/03/2022 19:07

Any child would be devastated and upset if they went to a soft play and were too tall not just sen children. It drives me mad that they have these height restrictions in place then you see the adults running around, going down the slides etc

Elsiebear90 · 26/03/2022 19:11

How sad for your son. You say the website has a height restriction on it, is your son taller than that? If so then I don’t think they’ve done anything wrong as if your son got injured as he was too tall then I’m sure you would be complaining too, they have to draw the line somewhere. I knew kids who were taken on school trips to theme parks and because they were much shorter they couldn’t go on half the rides, so it works both ways.

CallmeHendricks · 26/03/2022 19:11

This is SUCH a sad read.
Your poor boy.
I hope he is feeling a bit better now, and you too.
for you.

BungleandGeorge · 26/03/2022 19:12

It’s incredibly unfair on tall children. It’s not about potentially getting stuck either as there’s no weight restriction and generally plenty of adults on there.

LIZS · 26/03/2022 19:14

That does seem harsh. Although a large 9 yo would be different to the average 6 yo for example. Presumably the host parent was unaware beforehand?

NumberTheory · 26/03/2022 19:16

@Soubriquet

I’ve never known a soft play that has maximum height restrictions

My local one even books theirs out for adult parties! Though I can barely fit through half the stuff

Poor kid

One local to us had age restrictions for some sessions but introduced height instead because, according to the staff person I spoke with, parents were clearly lying about their children’s ages. They posted the height on their website but the marker used to check children was just the top of a stripe on the wall that ran around the whole room and was part of the general decoration.

They did have a big sign on the reception desk stating they had a height policy though.

TerribleCustomerCervix · 26/03/2022 19:21

@BungleandGeorge

It’s incredibly unfair on tall children. It’s not about potentially getting stuck either as there’s no weight restriction and generally plenty of adults on there.

It’s obviously a shit situation, but these places are designed for small kids.

You can’t compare an adult focused on helping and encouraging their just-turned 2 year old for example, with an excitable 10 or 11 year old who is understandably throwing themselves around the same equipment.

There has to be a cut off at some point, and as long as the kids who are too big are treated with kindness and respect by staff then I’m not sure what else should be expected.

gamerchick · 26/03/2022 19:22

@Lwren

Ah this absolutely. Mine got one invite the the whole of primary. The sun and moons came out in him when he brought it home. He even gritted his teeth for a photo with the huge blue mascot they ordered. I still have the photo of him with it.

Posts that comment harshly aren't even worth reading. I roll my eyes usually. They don't have a clue.

Gowithme · 26/03/2022 19:22

OP that is just devastating for your son even if it was the rules and they had to stick to them. Is there another soft play in the area that goes by age rather than height that you could take your son to and invite the friend to come along with you? Or if not a farm or other place that children enjoy visiting that you can invite him along to?

Cheesewiz · 26/03/2022 19:23

Every soft play in my area has a height restriction. Don't think this has anything to do with SEN. They obviously use the sign as a measure and the staff are expected to stick to the rules. Still very upsetting for your son

itsgettingweird · 26/03/2022 19:24

Some soft plays have height restrictions due to the type of equipment they have and insurance.

Some don't because it's different equipment. For example things like open ended slides and ones with mats at the end.

also adult only parties come with separate disclaimers that need signing due to the insurance for those types of party. Some involve disclaimers about alcohol etc.

But OP I have a son who is autistic. I understand why you feel the way you do. Getting invited to a party is a big deal

itsgettingweird · 26/03/2022 19:26

I'm so sorry for the

I think it must have posted as I swiped for the flowers

NumberTheory · 26/03/2022 19:26

OP I’m so sorry for your DC. I hope you’ve found a way to give them a good afternoon anyway and can take some comfort from the fact he was invited.

LBFseBrom · 26/03/2022 19:29

I'm heartbroken for your son, Justreasoned. I do get that safety rules are there for a reason but presume you did not know in advance that he would be 'measured' or what the height regulations were.

Poor lad. I really do feel for him and for you. I wonder what the party host thought about it (you might have already said, I haven't read everything yet).

I hope you can both have a nice treat tomorrow and put this horrible incident behind you.

Rainydaysandmondays24 · 26/03/2022 19:33

This is heartbreaking.
I have an 11 year old with the developmental age of a two year old, and sadly we have been in similar situations.
I could cry for you and your son.

StillRowing · 26/03/2022 19:36

Oh no! That’s awful my brother’s party was at a soft play place and all the adults there with the kids had a great time playing too. Everyone invited has some form of SEN (my brother’s 8 and has DS and autism) so all parents and siblings were in too. I had a great time. Definitely name and shame!

Prinnny · 26/03/2022 19:45

They have height restrictions for a reason. If my toddler was injured by a kid who was too big to be in there I’d be furious.

I wouldn’t complain on social media, you’ll look silly, it’s like when people are caught speeding at 31mph in 30 zone, they have to have a cut off somewhere.

sharksarecool · 26/03/2022 19:45

OP they have treated you appallingly, as it was a birthday party and the hosts will have paid a lot of money for them to host it. I know it doesn't help your DS but you should definitely complain to management.

AnnaSW1 · 26/03/2022 19:46

Every soft play I've been to has height restrictions. I understand why you're upset for him but I'm not sure they've done anything wrong.

MuggleMadness · 26/03/2022 19:46

@MilkTwoSugarsThanks

I suspect it's for the physical safety of children and they have to draw a line somewhere.

That's fine, but they need to have a height restriction sign on display, not just randomly pick on a child!

@Justrealised. I am so sorry for your DS. Given they had no signage & no proper measuring system I'd be taking this up with the council (I think the council is the right body)

WonderfulYou · 26/03/2022 19:51

I cannot imagine how anyone could read that OP and then post this. Really.

Some of these replies are ridiculous.
It was a height sign which is exactly why he couldn’t go in.
Why else would he be measured against it? 🙄

It’s really rubbish OP but they have those rules for a reason and it would not be worth them breaking the rules over 1cm as if he got hurt it would be their neck on the line.
The only silver lining is they’re at an age where soft play will soon be a thing of the past.

For his birthday could you invite his friends somewhere fun that they can all join in with?

How heartbreaking for him to get there and be turned away 😭 not sure of the relevance of the SEND though.

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