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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sen son not allowed in play centre party hewas invited to

150 replies

Justrealised · 26/03/2022 17:57

My son was invited to a party. First party invite in years. It was fir a child a few years younger than him. He has many diagnoses and has learning difficulties, severe autism.... he understood that he was going to a party and was excited to go. We turned up, went into be told that he hand to stand against a sign (not a height sign, a please do not run sign), he was a cm over, one lousy cm. They wouldn't let him in, they offered to put some balls on a table for him so he could watch the others play. We left, he was so upset it was awful. He didn't understand why we left, he doesn't have that level of understanding. He was heart broken. I'm heartbroken for him. No AIBU really, I'm just venting and looking for opinions. They could have let him in couldn't they.

OP posts:
DrDinosaur · 26/03/2022 19:51

I'm so sorry OP, your poor boy.
I totally understand height restrictions (I remember getting very anxious about bigger children near my toddler), but they were incredibly inflexible to apply them in this way and not make an exception for a child attending a party who was barely over the line.

Thighdentitycrisis · 26/03/2022 19:52

If adults allowed in with little ones to assist, couldn’t you have gone in with him?

Sorry this happened, it’s shit and I would probably go to the local press

HotDogKetchup · 26/03/2022 19:54

@reallyworriedjobhunter

They made up a reason to exclude a SEN child. I have a SEN child and have experienced this too.

I'm sorry for your little boy op. That's utterly shit.

I don’t agree - I think they imposed an arbitrary rule which they should have overlooked.

I’m sorry op. It’s tough as they get bigger but their interests don’t move on.

TerribleCustomerCervix · 26/03/2022 19:55

@Thighdentitycrisis

If adults allowed in with little ones to assist, couldn’t you have gone in with him?

Sorry this happened, it’s shit and I would probably go to the local press

It’s easy to say “Go to the press!” when you’re not the one who’d look like an eejit when the business owner pointed out the clause that OP said herself was on the website.
Sushi7 · 26/03/2022 19:56

How old and how tall is your ds? Does the website mention height restrictions?

Mickarooni · 26/03/2022 19:58

Your poor boy and poor you. I feel so very sad for him but agree with the poster that the fact he got invited is such a huge deal. I know it doesn’t make the hurt go away but sounds like your son is a lovely boy. What did the parents of the birthday child say?

Flowers Flowers Chocolate Chocolate

Sirzy · 26/03/2022 20:00

It’s shit for you both but if they are the rules on height their isn’t much you can do. It’s a shame the Nan wasn’t told at the time of booking as I guess, unless he is very tall for his age, he wasn’t the only one caught out.

Kolani · 26/03/2022 20:03

What is the point of inviting a child to party if there are height restrictions in place that bars anyone over a certain height??? sounds very ill-thought off to me

MyDcAreMarvel · 26/03/2022 20:05

Ok so it was a height sign set at say 140cm from the ground abs your ds was 1cm above. What you mean is it wasn’t a sign that has measurements marked out. Unfortunately it’s just a health and safety requirement abs not discrimination. The parents should have checked first though.

MyDcAreMarvel · 26/03/2022 20:05

*and

Twizbe · 26/03/2022 20:06

@Kolani

What is the point of inviting a child to party if there are height restrictions in place that bars anyone over a certain height??? sounds very ill-thought off to me
Chances are they didn't know about it either.

You'd be surprised how hard you have to search to find out some of these height restrictions.

Original poster
Justrealised · 26/03/2022 20:08

The gran has just messaged to say she's putting a complaint in. She wasn't told about any height restrictions when booking and arranging with them. Also one of the children found an ecig in the ball pool.

I won't be complaining because they will say it's h&s but for the tiny amount he was over and fact it was a part, he clearly has needs and we would have supported him they'd have just turned a blind eye.

OP posts:
bruffin · 26/03/2022 20:09

@Kolani

What is the point of inviting a child to party if there are height restrictions in place that bars anyone over a certain height??? sounds very ill-thought off to me
The parents may not have known that Op's Ds was 2 years older than their DC.
Original poster
Justrealised · 26/03/2022 20:11

@MyDcAreMarvel

Ok so it was a height sign set at say 140cm from the ground abs your ds was 1cm above. What you mean is it wasn’t a sign that has measurements marked out. Unfortunately it’s just a health and safety requirement abs not discrimination. The parents should have checked first though.
No the sign was a 'no running' sign, no mention of height. I'm guessing they use it to judge. It was attached to netting on the edge of the play are with zip ties so not massively measured out.
OP posts:
Undisclosedlocation · 26/03/2022 20:14

I would imagine the height restriction is a clause in their insurance policy for mixed age sessions. If a child were injured and any party was over the height limit, liability would stand with the soft play company, with them personally liable for damages and likely unable to gain future insurance due to not following the rules. So a potentially business closing situation if the worst we’re to happen. Their hands are tied.

It’s incredibly tough for your son, but I doubt very much if they would handle things any differently for a NT child and although it would be lovely if they could bend those rules for a SEN child, they simply cannot.

WhatNoRaisins · 26/03/2022 20:15

It's a bit awkward having a height restriction for a party package. Am I the only one who wouldn't know my child's friends heights?

TheRealityCheque · 26/03/2022 20:17

@Peppapigforlife

Could you speak to the child's mum and see if you can get together somewhere fun and similar where your child would be allowed in next weekend or in the Easter holidays? Then tell your son (if his abilities allow) that you got the party details wrong but that you will have a day out with his friend to make up for it. And take cake and a few balloons and stuff so he gets a party feeling? That's really sad I'm so sorry for you both.
Finally someone with a sensible suggestion.

Reading all these entitled opinions who think SEN is an excuse for different rules.

HELLITHURT · 26/03/2022 20:18

@WhatNoRaisins

It's a bit awkward having a height restriction for a party package. Am I the only one who wouldn't know my child's friends heights?
No you are not! One child in DS1 year was a giraffe, mum and dad were tall, would never have entered my head not to invite him due to his height!

@Justrealised I'm so sorry that your DS was excluded.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 26/03/2022 20:21

Oh for 1cm they should have just nodded him in.
Height restrictions are normal in Softplay but a small margin of error will make no difference.

underneaththeash · 26/03/2022 20:24

He was too big - we had the same issue with DS who was about 3 years taller than average. If he's too tall, he's too tall.

TheRealityCheque · 26/03/2022 20:24

@TheYearOfSmallThings

Oh for 1cm they should have just nodded him in. Height restrictions are normal in Softplay but a small margin of error will make no difference.
What about 2cm? 3? 4? 15?

Where's the limit?

Oh yes, the limit is the ACTUAL height.

Parkedthespaceshiponthelanding · 26/03/2022 20:26

If he is over the height he is over the height regardless of whether or not he has additional needs.
They have to draw the line somewhere, they can't have different height restrictions dependent on disability. How would they decide who is disabled enough to warrant during a blind eye? Are NT immune to upset? Wouldn't be fair If they were told they're too big but then saw someone bigger go in!

I understand you're upset, but it is a rule for a reason and they'd be liable for any incidents, they'd be open to law suits if they started deciding who was disabled enough to forget the rules for.

StrawberrySanta · 26/03/2022 20:31

Your poor son, i hope he's okay now 😢

CremeEggsForBreakfast · 26/03/2022 20:32

I used to work in a soft play that had a height restriction. It's not that unusual.

Parties were held there and we would never have turned a blind eye to taller kids because the equipment simply wasn't suitable for them. It's the manufacturer's guidelines - not necessarily those of the centre. Ignoring those limits is voiding all sorts of insurances and policies and opening yourselves up to a whole heap of trouble!

And even if it's a different soft-play that offers adult sessions etc then it's still up to the centre to decide how they want to keep the children in their facility safe.

"But it was only a centimeter!"
Yeah, so we let him in. What do we say to the kid who is "only 2cm too tall" and the third kid who is "only 1cm" taller than the second kid? Or the children we turned away yesterday? Imagine how you'd feel now if you found out that someone else who was too tall was let in as a one-off yesterday. A one-off is either deeply unjust or never just once and therefore voids the rule.

It would have been decent of the centre to have let Gran know when booking the party but Gran also could have checked the website and sent a message with the invite.

Papayamya · 26/03/2022 20:37

They definitely should make it clearer, even if it's on the website for you and the organiser to not notice I doubt it was overly clear! Sorry this happened I can see why it was upsetting, hope he is okay now.